If I constantly rethink choices I make  in my life,
I may as well stop making them.

Why do we even exist?

I feel empty

Sometimes it all feels just a bit too surreal doesn't it?

Sometimes I feel all alone in this world,
Yet something keeps me in the here and now.

Even when I tend to seek reality elsewhere,
Something brings me back to you.

I don't know the why's or how's,
But to be honest do I need to?

Isn't it just that unknown thing that keeps you conscious,
If my duty was to be fulfilled,
Why would I still be here?

If it wasn't for the curiosity within a human being,
I think nobody would survive.

It would feel as a lack of life and living.

Feeling like ending my story,
But what if I survive?

The second hand embarrassment
The feeling of failure.

The face of guilt,
But how can I go further?

Sitting on my bathroom floor playing Russian roulette,
Oh how I wonder,
Will this pill be THE one?

"But I guess this is the reality of life..."

I never payed much attention to love,
It was a thought who was displayed as a dream,

Until I met you,
The person who fills your heart,
The one who you wish to never part.

A knight in shiny armor,
Making you see things you never could,
Or never would.
Finally longing for more.

It is a world so wide,
with you by my side.

I didn't know being at a loss of words,
Is being at a loss of mind.

Losing yourself into the bitterness of the world,
Fighting your own demons,
One at a time.

Taking your time,
Thinking about life,
Being at a loss of words,
Is being at a peace of mind.

Falling into my old habit,
Feels like more,
But less.
I had the world and set it loose,
But somehow I feel a relieve,
A weight lifted off my shoulders,
Blood running down my arm,
Into the palm of my hand,
As the pressure falls off my shoulders,
Onto the ground,
Running off to see another torture.

Was it worth?
Seeing the dreams get crumbled,
Love fall apart,
Hopes get buried,
Smiles get hidden.
Was it worth?
Seeing the walk,
Of the uppers,
Walking their way down,
Your throat,
Full of despise.
Gagging,
Hoping you had never met them,
Their hopes laid high,
Unlike mine,
Unlike yours,
While looking down,
On the crumbling mess,
You could've caused.

Answering your question,
Yes it would've been worth.

It is doubt that feeds off of you,
The empty feeling filled with guilt is what is consuming you.
It is only the thing you have been longing for,
Who'm can heal the deeper wounds inside,
Cutting their way into your mind.
Making sure you will fall,
Down that never ending hallway.
Into the darkness of the night.

The way you view the world,
Is a way of seeing life.
Being stuck in the past,
Or in the future,
While all along the present is
where you should've lived.

And as the sun slowly goes down,
The thoughts will come back,
Only this time they last forever

Memories aren't as beautiful,
You have good memories
but as they're walking hand in hand with the dark,
it takes over,
Like a thunderstorm hiding behind big clouds,
The scale in between them becomes heavier,
Until I can only see the awful memories I had hidden,
deep down in a locked cage,
Now free of torture,
As I frighten,
That I might never be the same.

As I sit here,
Writing at my desk.
My mind tends to floot away,
Into a deep sea of thoughts,
Bringing back the memories I had forgot.

As the sun lowers down,
My tears cannot run up any longer.
It becomes a river,
Filled with blood of my own.
The knife that slits through,
Is the only one who shall have known,
The pain was filled with hope,
But streaming down an endless hole,
To be never seen again.

We all die,
The thought alone used to fill my brain with disgust,
But as time flies by,
And as the knife starts getting closer to my bone,
I am finally starting to understand why.

Dead as you could be,
no breath, no heat,
This is your cost,
Laying there, cold as frost.

Dying with nobody by your side,
There goes your only light.
This is your last day
But I guess you didn’t matter anyway.

"I'm living the dream!!"

Is what she said,
While watching her wrists
getting covered in blood.

I didn't know,
I could be this lost,
Not knowing what its cost.

I am standing here,
At my favourite place,
Knowing how I used to feel,
But knowing that it isn't real.

I walk and talk,
Not to my friends but to my own.

As i'm searching for my reason,
Instead I found treason.

The friends I used to have,
The backstab I had felt,
The hurt that flows through my veins.
As I cry a bath full of my pain.

The little things in life,
Might just be the ones that keep me alive.

as i sit in class, i open my eys
a word full of ****
im learning so little
im reverting back to a toddler
homosexuality: cured
my *******: itchy
my mental state: brocken
but my brainz: educated ;)

I was unknown to all this pain
All the blood running in my vein

It was as a flooting sea
Driven by me.

Walking past the sun
Just as I want to run

Going to my best friend
Even if it all has to end.

I need to get it out
I need to tell them my story
while wondering about their glory
Yet they don’t respond
As i’m sitting here
Talking to my fishpond

How should I have known
when even I wasnt told
you decided you rather hide it
hide it under your skin
and hide it under your clothes
You were in pain
but honestly
how could I have known?

I sit in class
Looking at a paper
Listening to reality
While dreaming away
Of a world so free
Because there
Is where I rather be

Saw her bike into the distant,
Saw her bike into the night,

All while i'm just standing here,
Watching her
As she drives by

I stand on a cliff
Wanting to jump
But looking down
Into the endless hole
So deep
And full of pain
Remembering the memories I made
Along the way
Ending up
To this point
Of wanting to make the dot
On the last sentence of the story.

People expect you to dance around life
Follow the rythme of the song
Ups and downs
To stand up again
When we fall
Continuing those flawless movements
The only thing is
I can't dance
No matter how hard I try
My feet aren't good listeners
Nor are my thoughts
So when I try dancing
I stumble or fall
I feel like the black sheep
Within my herd
Yet I don't mind
Dancing might be harder for me
But i'll do it in my own way
With falling and getting up
Maybe more falling than others
But that makes my dance
Yet more interesting

I can't find my words,
to describe what I feel

I can't feel the things,
I need to feel

I can't tell the truth,
to ones who need

Yet I fight
Everyday
For the soul purpose
Of wanting to live

I walk,
I talk,

I live to die
And die to live,

I am,
But want to be,

Who am I
And who is me?

You don't have to know me,
I don't even wanna know you,
But we both know we need someone to talk to
Share our feelings
Share our views of the world

I like that you're are here
It makes me feel at home

Scars,
It's all I can see,
Hidden under clothes
Or hidden under me.

Never breaking,
But ill also never be taking,
The chance of you knowing me.

I honestly feel empty,
It was like life had a plan for me
But now it’s all falling apart
Just like bricks falling from an old building.

The process goes slow yet too fast,
I’m trying to make it stop
But can you even stop a building from falling apart?

You can try holding it all together,
Hold it with ropes,
Put the fallen bricks back,
But in the long term they’ll just fall again.
It’s just absolutly useless.

The only possible thing that would solve your problem
Would be making it equal to the ground,
Starting all over again,
Right from the point you started all those many years ago.

But that takes time,
Time you don’t have,
Money you can’t spend,

The empty feeling will stay,
Yet I rather have it that way.

Scars,
Sometimes they are all what I see,
Those days make me hate myself.
Its a sea,
A sea of thoughts
they fly through my head,
I can't stop them,
they just keep going and going.

then it just all stops,
Like the sea went silent.
Like the sea doesn't want to do anything anymore,
its tired,
Yet it cant sleep,
It just starts thinking again..

Life ain't always easy,
You can tell that by the scars on my body,
They all tell a different story that doesn't want to be told.
It's a way of crying for help,
But at the same time not wanting it,
It's a trap,
A trap that makes you think everything is gonna be okay,
When yet I still sit here,
just me and my scars.

I gave u a book,
You could write anything in it,
It was all yours,
Yet you decided to destroy it,
Throw it around like garbage,
Instead of love you choose harm,
But I guess that's just how you are,
Aren't you?

I'm frustrated,
Not at you,
But at life,
Its not going how i want it to be
I wanna explore,
be free,
But life expects different things from me.

I'm watching you,
Watching you from my own seat,
I dont need to come nearby,
I can see you just as fine,
I like looking at you,
But i'm rather shy,
So ill sit in my seat,
Watching you live life,
On just the right beat.

As soon as I rise,
I'll rise like a goddess,
A goddess with flame as strong as one has never seen,

Until then,
I'll be here,
Sitting in my seat,
Dreaming of the way I want to be.

I dont know,
I dont know anything,
I dont know things about my future,
or if ill even get there,
I dont know how nor when my life will end,
I dont know if im here for a reason,
I dont know why I cant concentrate,
I just dont know and thats okay.

I had one shot,
one shot to freedom,
to being able to be myself again
But you saw my shot
and then took it,
without a pardon nor thinking,
It was gone,
years of trying...gone
off to the deep end
all because you were too selfish
to just let me get help
and too stubborn to give it back.

My breath becomes heavier, becomes louder,
yet I can't breath,
my moves become slower,
and slower...until I stop,
I can't move,i'm stuck.
Thought after thought goes through my head
and all of a sudden everything goes black,
it's peaceful and quiet, I can breath again,
until I wake up and just need to start it all over again...