everything
everything was a lie
and i thought i was your grain of truth
but i guess i wasn't good enough
wasn't close enough
wasn't lovely enough
to be that grain
but rather
i was just good enough
to keep you company
and
nothing
more

How was I to know you'd watched me,
moving, cleaning, talking, smiling.
I make you nervous, made you stutter.

You're frustrated, angry, tired,
But a wave of calm rolls over you,
When you see just a glimpse of my body.

There are so many things to love about me.
I never knew them, until you told me.
You've been here the entire time.

I think God saved me just for you,
I should have died too many times.
He has a plan for me and you.

One
You were the first boy I let touch me and that's all it ever was.

Two
I learned how I didn't want to be treated from you.
I can't even remember how you ****** me.
It's almost like it never happened.

Three
I was so in love with you but you didn't care.
Every time you came I hoped you'd love me a little more.
But I was just another faceless place to put your ****.

Four
I felt as though I'd known you my whole life.
You were my best friend.
You still are and I don't know what that means.

Five
It was an accident and never should have happened.
We should have stayed friends without benefits.

Six
There was something about you.
If only things had been different.
You probably could have been more than just my boss.

Seven
We never talked about it back then.
We were just friends that had *** when you were drunk.
Years later, we didn't need to keep it a secret from each other.

Eight
I wish I had never met you.
I can't even remember those two years.
You ruined them.

Nine
I loved you, but you loved your wife more.
*******. **** her. **** Arizona.

Ten
We could have been great friends.
We dated instead.
I like to ****.
You like to ******* in the shower.
We barely had anything in common.

Eleven
We needed each other.
You seemed to think I was such a good person.
So good that you had to get away fast.

Twelve
It was fun and I didn't have to love you.

Thirteen
The fantasy of you was so much better than the real thing.

Fourteen
I could have loved you.
You never wanted that.
Everything you said was probably a lie.
I don't even know if that's true.

One
You were the first boy I let touch me and that's all it ever was.

Two
I learned how I didn't want to be treated from you.
I can't even remember how you ****** me.
It's almost like it never happened.

Three
I was so in love with you but you didn't care.
Every time you came I hoped you'd love me a little more.
But I was just another faceless place to put your ****.

Four
I felt as though I'd known you my whole life.
You were my best friend.
You still are and I don't know what that means.

Five
It was an accident and never should have happened.
We should have stayed friends without benefits.

Six
There was something about you.
If only things had been different.
You probably could have been more than just my boss.

Seven
We never talked about it back then.
We were just friends that had *** when you were drunk.
Years later, we didn't need to keep it a secret from each other.

Eight
I wish I had never met you.
I can't even remember those two years.
You ruined them.

Nine
I loved you, but you loved your wife more.
*******. **** her. **** Arizona.

Ten
We could have been great friends.
We dated instead.
I like to ****.
You like to ******* in the shower.
We barely had anything in common.

Eleven
We needed each other.
You seemed to think I was such a good person.
So good that you had to get away fast.

Twelve
It was fun and I didn't have to love you.

Thirteen
The fantasy of you was so much better than the real thing.

Fourteen
I could have loved you.
You never wanted that.
Everything you said was probably a lie.
I don't even know if that's true.

Sad
We were both sad.
Mine left,
His stayed.
He left,
I stayed.
Years and
years went by
I stayed here.
He left me,
I didn't follow.
Later
So much later
I saw him again.
He didn't age a day,
Still the same,
From all those years ago.
Still the same
From the day
The sadness won.

Voices
All I hear is voices
Telling me what to do,
How to live
How my life should be
I can't win against them,
So I hide

I distance myself
From everyone
Except you
All I need is your voice
Your song
And everything is better
At least for a little while

He opens his Star Wars: A New Hope lunch box
Inside a hippies dream.
**** in baggies that have the superman symbol
And Batman symbol on them
Tabs of LSD
And molly.
Hunter S. Thompson would have a field day

©Gambit '13