I’m drowning in a pool of your sweet caresses
I’m lying to myself but no one guesses
I’m freezing but I still want to feel the breeze.
I’m screaming but I do as you please
Sweating bullets, drowning in my shame.
You brought me down, guided me away
Touched by the fire; tainted by the devil
I drink, I drink, I drink until I’m gone.

Confusion, so much confusion.
Can't remember what I've seen,
What I've heard, where I've been.
I don't know what I want,
I'm lost in this unfair world.
I'm tired, I'm lonely, I'm broken.
I cannot remember,
And I'm truly sorry...
But do not be angry with me,
For I'm frustrated enough.
It's a constant battle,
Everyday is growing more difficult.
Who am I?
Where am I?
What have I become?
I am nothing more than I liability,
A burden to all those whom I love.
I understand if you do not have the patience to care for me,
For who could love someone who cannot remember the simplest of life's tasks.
My memories are fading,
I'm living in limbo, in a constant fear of the future I know will come.
Because how can I face the future without the knowledge of my past?

trembling hands
and cold fingers
longing for something
to hold on to.

the thought of you
runs through my veins
every now and then.

but eventually
it all fade.

the vivid image
of beautiful memories
of yesterday.

like scattered papers
and shattered glasses.
no one wants them back.

not me.

not even you.

now crumbled hopes are
held in my palms
waiting to be buried
in the snowy grave
on a cold dead winter.

may the ghost
of you
be gone
forever.

I lie awake at night, my mind wandering,

What am I doing with my life?

I feel so useless.

Pointless.

I envy those around me, those who know exactly what they want, and how to get it.

I've never been that kind of girl, the girl who has a plan for her life.

I spent 5 years in college, with nothing to show.

Except for an expensive piece of paper.

Worthless

Me, or that expensive piece of paper, I'm not sure which.

I'm floating, aimlessly through life.

I wish I could be handed a roadmap of my own life.

I need direction, desperately.

Give me a **sign.

it's rained all week
grey drop
after grey drop
the city is crying
the bums rush to shelter
in doorways
and under bridges
the people sit with their feet up
in their comfy sweatpants
and hoodies
drinking warm cups of tea
the animals
are out in the wet
grinning
and howling at the moon
drinking up the tears
of the crying city

To you I am disposable
Something you can use then throw away
Only when you're in the mood
That's the game you play

I am never recycled
You don't keep me around
Never something precious
You always leave without a sound

To you I am disposable
Something you can use then throw way
I'm feeling kind of lonely now
I wish someone would stay