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Becca Addams Apr 2017
I want you to hold me tight and show me how much you care
But I don't want you to see me
My wretched disabled soul does not seek your pity
What am I even here for?
To be a slave? To be used for your happiness and pleasure?
I am consumed with grief knowing I'll never have the love I need
And the only one who is willing, never quite gives enough
I'm a void and no matter how much you give me,
It will never be enough to heal my eternal wounds that you gave me
I know why you neglect me, I know why you hate me
I understand now, but I am not sorry
I am who I am and I cannot change that
I won't ever be the person you hoped me to be
I won't ever be good enough
I won't ever be anything...
So just leave me be...
Depleted and alone...
I just don't care anymore.
Becca Addams Feb 2017
You're a joke
A remnant of a marriage
Bound for devastation
You are just a *******
A waste of rotting flesh
Never meant to see the light of day
You will never live
You will never be a part of my family
You're dead to me
Long lost in this horrid monstrosity
You'll never see my children
They'll never know your love
For you are nothing to me
Just a joke
An overly emotional brat
Manipulating people into believing your "pain"
You'll never know what I had to go through
To get away from you
Don't blame me for your misery
Of missing me
You've known all along
I've hated you and still do
I asked her why she abandoned me, and this is what she told me after ignoring me for years, and for no reason other than living with my mom
Becca Addams Feb 2017
Change your way of thinking
Just be happy
Choose to think happy thoughts
Take care of yourself

It's not so easy
I can't will myself into a better life
I don't choose to relive these nightmares
The darkness is a vortex of never ending pain

Don't be so negative
Do things that make you happy
Don't re-traumatize yourself
Find comfort in friends

I can't find happiness
I see things through a permanent lens
My inability to trust
And my self-hatred; I despise all the lies

Trust in people
Let yourself heal
Take things one step at a time
Things will get better

I've been hurt too many times
There is no healing; there is no way out
How many more years of suffering
Until I can prove to you it will never get better?

You don't listen
I'm tired of trying to help
You will forever be alone with your pain
I close my eyes
Forgot my mind
Or similar kind
Eaten by flies
I'm all alone
She is sick
Burning the wick
Speaks in groans
She can't breathe
She can't move
Please improve
What's underneath
Bloodied vile
Pills are lies
Make you die
I need a smile
Not alone
Please no
Feeling low
Empty phone
No one gets it
The sorrow
Covered in yarrow
Eyes filled in grit
Poisons my mind
You are gone
Blackened dawn
Wish it was my time
Give you air
Take my strength
Your heart sank
I will make it fair
My time yours
As I depart
Owner of heart
Don't fight any wars
I hope she gets better
Becca Addams Dec 2016
When you try so hard
To get it right
To appease what they want
And not start a fight

But you can't go on
Or let things go
Because you care too much
And you feel so low

What can you do?
Listen and take it all in?
Or cry it all out
And commit your sin?
Becca Addams Nov 2016
Listen here little one
Nothing bad will ever come
For I am here
And I do not fear
There is no need to run

I know you are afraid
You may think that they'd
Take away your rights
And you'll die in all the fights
But what they do will be undone

This isn't a war
They do indeed implore
Equality and protection
Has turned into defection
Bite the hand that feeds one

Things at last will settle down
Or fear we all drown
We must trust in one another
We are all sister and brother
Let's hope our country is not overrun
Becca Addams Oct 2016
I go out and try to say
Just one little thing
But you turn your face and hide your eyes
Because you don't want me
I ask you one more question
But you shun me
And that's when all things die
Because you think I'm unworthy

Why do I even try
To make a single person smile
I am just "cruel and selfish"
Sorry I don't make that way
You believe every lie
That demon tells you I despise
All your cries because your mother died
I understand why
But whispers in your ear
Tells you I'm your end
I'm sorry, but I'm not

Please get out of my face
You're not the one I want
Please end your illful ways
You're not the one who's right
All you hear are dark white little lies
But they tear, bit by bit
And cascade through your mind

Please go away
Please don't betray
I don't want it this way
All I wanted was to be there for you
You believe I'd be happier without that demon
I must agree, but not to your face
Because you would be better and happier
Without that demon in your face
Leave him alone.

I guess the only way
To protect the innocence that remains
Is to hide behind a wall of despair
And keep it locked away
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