I thought it was over
The feelings that I had for you
I thought I already shut that chapter
That one when I was so in love with you

But when I saw you yesterday
When you held my hand
And greeted me for my birthday
My heart skipped a beat

Funny how you still affect me so much
After all these years
Even after I learned
How your heart has already been won over

It's so funny
It's so unfair
How you still don't know
How you will never know
That after all these time
It's still you

I asked you
But you lied to me
And broke my heart

You told me
You didn't feel anything
But you did

More than losing a love
I mourn for the trust
That was broken

Can I trust you again?
Will I? I do not know
Maybe I will

But now I need space
Away from you
Till the pain leaves

Inside me
Tears keep falling
While pieces keep breaking

Inside me
The sound of emptiness
Echoes

Inside me
The walls are caving in
I can't breathe

Then I heard
Familiar steps
One after another

Inside me
Darkness, my old friend
Came visiting

Everything so blurred
I can find no escape
Darkness captures me
Caught in the sea’s rage

I’m looking for Your Lighthouse
But my tears cloud my sight
I’m lost in the seas middle
Don’t know how to get back

I cry out to You
Can You hear me?
Questions, doubts flood my mind
My spirit grows faint within

Won’t You shine Your glory
And let all this be eclipsed?

Why did you have to come
When my heart's not done healing
From that last love
Where my heart was left reeling

I was just getting up from that fall
But here you come, teasing
With that beautiful smile
And eyes that seem to know my soul

I'm still scared
Heart clutched to my chest
I don't know if I could take that chance
To fall in love...yet again

So I'm just waiting
For you to take that first step
When you would hold your hand out
And ask me for mine

I am waiting
For when the timing is right
When I could give my heart
Unbruised and untattered

I'm still waiting
To fall in love...yet again

How do I make sense
Of the longing inside me
Of the groaning and panting
Of the restlessness that won't let me sleep?

I feel overwhelmed by sorrow
I feel out of place where I am
Where is my place here on earth?
Where do I find me?

Please find me.

I feel like I am merely
Fragments of my old self
So broken beyond repair
Even I couldn't recognize me

How do I exist?
From where do I go from here?
If only I could be carried away by the wind
Then I would cease feeling this emptiness

Too busy, this world is
No time to love
No time to live
How do You call us from this?

Gentle thunders, little trials, big ones
To notice them so hard
But they are Your megaphones
To our hearts and minds

You call us to You
Taking our focus from this life
You bring us back
To Your road we track

Too busy, this world is
The more I want to love
The more I want to live
As You call us from this

I never knew that this day would come
For me to be ready to let you go
To finally say that "I want to start moving on"

I never knew that this day would come
When I would finally want to say goodbye
To the one person who has made my heart feel alive

But goodbye I must say for 'tis the right time
The right moment to let these feelings die
Even though now I am slowly dying inside

Goodbye, my love, goodbye

Help me find me
Seems I have lost myself
Trying to prove my worth
To people who don't even care

Help me find me
The me not defined by anybody
Not someone who dies trying
Being someone she's not

Help me find me

I see a flicker of light
In the midst of the darkness I'm in
I see a flicker of hope
That I will get out here

I wait patiently for the time
When light will completely cover up
The pain, the sadness, the night
I will continue to wait

Let hope arise
In this heart of mine
Let hope arise
Let hope be mine

I forgive you.
For all the pain you caused me.
For all the wounds and the scars you left.

I forgive you.
Even if you are not sorry.
Even if you still think you did me no harm.

I forgive you.
For not being there.
For leaving me when I needed you most.
For being the reason
Why I find so hard to trust people.
For teaching me that I have to be another person to be accepted.
For all the words you have spoken.
For all the promises you have broken.

For destroying me.
I forgive you.

I forgive you.
Because I no longer want to your slave.

I forgive you.
As I learn to forgive me.

I love you.
I'll say it again,
I love you.
But these words will never get to reach you.
They are hidden deep,
Imprisoned by the shadows in my heart.

I love you.
I'll say it again.
In my dreams
In the songs I sing
In the written things I create,
In the loving glimpses and smiles I give
But I can never say it to you.

I love you.
And I'm sorry.

I'm done
I don't wish to go on
Silently loving you
While you, on the other hand,
Were busy loving another

I'm done
I can't chase after you anymore
Not in my dreams
Nor anywhere else
My heart is done breaking

I'm done
Done hoping that there could be more
More to us than being friends
Done wishing you'll notice me instead

I'm done
Done letting you
Consume my thoughts
Done letting my heart hope
I'm finally letting you go

I'm done

I think I'm in love with you.
But then, I do not really understand how this 'love' thing really works.
Is it love when you keep on thinking about someone?
When you keep finding beautiful things about that person?

Is it love when you want to be a part of that person's life, even from afar?
When you want to talk to that person, to know his thoughts and his visions and the dreams that keep him up at night?
Is it love when you see him constantly trying to be the best that he could be and look at yourself and think, "I want to be a better person"?
When you  want to share his joys and share in carrying the weight of his sorrows?

I don't really get what I feel.
This 'love' thing has never bothered me before.
I was fine being alone, content to spending the days with family and friends
But then you came, and all I could think of is how I want to be with you, how I want to spend my days with you

Is it love or a mere attraction?
Is it love or a mere infatuation?
Won't somebody tell me how this works?
It seems that the books that I read and the videos that I watch only confuse me more

It seems to me
That everyone else
Has found the answer
To their heart's deepest desire
While here I am
Still stuck at wherever I am.

Like a boat
That has lost its anchor
I am wandering
Lost at sea
Swayed by every wave
That comes my way.

Won't somebody come
And get me from here?
Won't somebody come
To still my sails?

A storm is ensuing
And the waves won't stay calm
I'm being tossed over and around.
Until all that's left
Are broken pieces of myself.

Won't somebody come for me?

You are more than enough for me
This is what I will declare
You are my portion forever
So I will never compare

With what others have that i lack
I will choose not to dwell
Instead I’ll seek Your face
For You are all I need

Show me Your glory, this I seek
I’ll throw off everything so as not to miss it
Consume me again with Your blazing fire
And let my eyes never wander from Your face

One foot after another
Slowly but surely
I take the steps
Towards this new beginning

Fear is rearing its head
Anxiety crawling behind me
But I sigh and move forward
Looking beyond what I see and feel

This sea of emotions
Is trying to trap me again
But I will not be caught
Not when I'm so close

The new road is before me
And I must walk it
Slowly but surely
I must reach its end

She's a living paradox
A creature of mystery
An uncanny mixture
Of confidence and insecurity

She's a walking contradiction
A mess so beautiful
Living in the light
But drowns in the darkness in her soul

Grave sadness is her company
Too many voices speak at once
Her soul is crying out
Spirit longing to find freedom

Night lurks like a thief
But light is waiting
For even a small opening
To breakthrough

Bring me back to the time
When all I have is You
When I was content and satisfied
Simply having You by my side

You said, “I am your very great reward”
That I should fix my eyes on You
And not sway from side to side
Comparing myself to the people around

Seek first My kingdom
Be content and do not compare
“Am I not enough for you?”
These were what You said

I long to look to You again
To fix my eyes on alone
To be satisfied at where I am
Despite the changing seasons

Empty
I feel hollow inside
There's this darkness
That even my smiles cannot hide

Scared
I wanted so much to hide
But I couldn't
I have to keep this facade

Broken
I feel up all the shards
Each tiny one piercing my heart
How long can I keep this up?

Safe
I just want to feel safe again
Save me from this darkness
Don't let go of my hand

I'm scared that you will know
The depths of my feelings for you
Who knows what you will feel or do
It may be much of a burden for you

All I need you to know is this
I'm not asking for anything
Not for you to feel the same way
Or for you to even respond to how I feel

I just want to let these emotions out
My heart could contain them no longer
So I'll say now for who knows what tomorrow will bring

How many times
Will you break this heart
How many times will you leave it
Shattered, broken apart

Your words like glass
Pierce through my soul
Leaving me bleeding
Until I am no more

They are all around me
Can't breathe
Chains around my neck
My whole body's being held

Like a monster inside
Its claws have ran deep
I can't sleep
Too many voices in my head

Too tired to even care
Dragging myself
From one pit to another
Can't seem to find myself in this

My mind's a blur
Nothing makes sense
Feeling overwhelmed
Heart in chaos

No one seems to notice

I'm drowning.
With pain too much
I can no longer feel.

I want to let it all out.
All the anger
All the sorrow
All that have been buried deep.

But every time I try
I always feel numb
I couldn't breathe.

The child within me
Is still cowering in fright.

Someone please take me out here.

Again I find myself here
In this dark, cold dungeon
Wringing my hands in despair
Crying out for salvation

I look up and ask
“Where does my help come from?
Will there be any light
Anything at all for me?”

Groping through the walls
I can’t see anything
The pitch black cell echoes
With the sound of my wails

Where are You when I call?
Be not far from me when I pray
All I need now is to be taken away
Far from this place of hurt and decay

I’m losing my voice
I can’t cry anymore
My songs have lost their spirit
I can’t bear it any longer

Jesus! Jesus!
My heart calls out to You
Take me out of this jail
Break my chains once again

Cause my past haunts me
Trying to grab me back
I’m losing my grip
Can no longer hold on tight

When will Your light come?
When will freedom arise?
I long for Your salvation
From all things in this life

A forking road before me
Which one to take?
Should I step now?
Or will you tell me to wait?

Many are the desires of my heart
My mind’s already had plans made
For the future I hope for
The dreams that keep me awake

Still Your plans prevail
The perfect plans You have for me

Your good and pleasing will

Forever it will always be

They say that the right love
At the wrong time
Is still the wrong love

They say that there is
A time for everything
To hate, and to love

They say that
But when is the right time really?

It's been almost six years since I met you
Who knew we would be friends for this long?
I knew you as the funny guy who would always make 'puns'
Who would go to great lengths to welcome someone at the risk of being corny and getting yourself embarrassed
As we spent time together, I don't know but I just found myself growing fonder of you each day

I notice every little thing about you
How you sing with that deep and cold voice
How you look so charming every single time you smile
How you are not ashamed to cry whenever God touches your heart
I don't really know, but one day I just woke up realizing that you have already occupied a space in my heart

You are patient and kind
You are not envious nor arrogant
You are never rude, boasting nor insistent that people do things your way
You are accepting of people's faults and faith, and loves them as they are
You are a great listener, a man after God's own heart
How then could I keep my own heart from being captured?

You may not know this but you have always been an inspiration to me
It sounds too cliche but that is the only way I could say it
Your heart of service encourages me to serve
Your heart for worship fuels my own
Your passion and your own humble ways and quiet character ignites the passion of not only me, but all of those around you

I know that you are not perfect, that I may not know most of your faults
But this I know, I would like to know you more
If God permits that we go that way, I think I'd like to see other facets of your person
I'd like to know what makes you angry
I'd like to understand what frustrates you
I would like to understand what your struggles are and how each time you choose to be the man of God that you are

Wait on Him
His plains never fail
Don’t rush things
And end up broken

He’s the Keeper of your heart
The One who holds it in His hands
Wait on Him
And His perfect timing

No need to worry
You don’t need to wring Your hands
In anxiousness and impatience
His timing is everything

So wait on Him
And the love story He’s written
For You and Your prince
Don’t rush, instead keep Your heart on Him

Woke up this morning
With deep feelings of sadness
Don't know where it came from
It was just there

I rose up trying
To put my pieces together

This deep sadness I cannot understand
More and more it gets out of hand
Don't know what to make of it
I just want to give up

I feel alone again
In the midst of the crowd
Across the sea of people
I feel alone

Emptiness fills my heart
It tores the inside out

Will someone ever understand?

Won't you carry me away?
Away from this darkness
I find myself enveloped in
Won't you find a way to get me out of here?

I'm holding on by a thread
With a few words you could save me
Or you could let me fall
Into the depths
Won't you save me?

You will never be mine.
Deep inside my heart of hearts, I know that this is true.
Yet I can't help my heart,
It keeps on falling for you.

Every night, I cry myself to sleep,
Heart in anguish over a love that will never be returned.
Yet, even when I am breaking apart,
My soul still yearns for you.

You will never be mine.
Cause even if the time comes when you'll feel like I do
I don't know if I'll ever overcome
The fear of not being good enough for you.

You will never be mine.
Cause I can never be yours.