Those scars on my wrists and thighs?
Came here through my trying times,
But you stayed through the lows and my highs,
You stayed there for me,
as a friend and as a lover
You helped me fight through it all
your the one of my dreams
your the one tying me to life
with out your support I'd be dead
Lying six feet under
wondering if you ever loved me
Never thought I'd wear that necklace
of rope, in the barn, above in the rafters
owls hooting my return to the god above
Horses all untamed and not groomed
the place of my birth and my death becomes my home

i cry too much
and i find myself in a lot of trouble
i am not pretty
or at least i don't find myself pretty
i don't feel comfortable in dresses
i don't like the way i smile
and i most importantly
don't like my history
i don't like the way
everyone let me down
i don't like the way
i let myself go down
i don't like it that i let myself
sink into desperation
i don't like being alone
but i didn't have any friends
i don't like the way i have been treated
and i don't like that i'm too nice
i hate that i could forgive
but never get forgiveness
i hate that i was a friend
and that i was used
i hate that my life turned to be this way
i hate that i was a creep
i hate i was the one with a condition
i know
now
that i hate
how
i never loved myself enough
to let anyone love me

Am i dead?
Cause i feel like it.
Can't feel my pulse.
Can't breath,
Can't see.
Where am I?
Am I in heaven?
Is this what hell's like,
I see blood on my hand,
and blood on my chest.
I look down and there is my body
I look to my left and right. People rush
Whats going on? I'm scared. I see my friends cry.
Why don't they hear me? Am I dead?
I see a light. Its so beautiful.
I am dead...

I died not so long ago
not with a blade, or a gun
I died from feeling.
Or rather, so much of it.
 
Maybe it's just a mental shut down.
Or a simple break away from all of this
because I feel so numb inside,
And everything looks bleak.
 
I died. And now all that's left is hollow eyes
I can feel a heart, beating through my chest
Such a small symbol.
it's the only thing that reminds me Im still technically living.
 
I wonder if there's a word for this
because depression.. Just doesn't fit.
Its not mortal death, my blood would disprove any theory.
It's.. The lack of a soul. Emotion.
 
Not saying I'm completely soulless, No.
But I'm overly far gone.
Most definitely withered away,
And I don't think I'll come back this time.
 
I don't feel human at all
Because humans, they can actually feel.
I died not too long ago,
And now I'm just a shell.

why
does it have to be
so
****
hard?
I miss it
I miss the fire in my veins
the adrenaline
I miss the feel of steel kisses
grazing my arm
and touching my veins
I miss the darkness, so romantic
begging me to give in
pleading with me,
"just one more"
I miss the thrill,
and the rush of feeling
something that isn't emptiness
for once.
I miss it.
but I can't return to my cold lover
because if they found out
they'd take me away from you
and then,
my soul would truly become black.
why is it so hard?