I laugh in the face of love
      I cringe thinking of the passion
              I bathe in the hate I now feel
if it takes away
         what you once were
                  what you once meant.
Every love song a beautiful lie
           Every poem an empty cry
I could scrub my skin
     Until the blood seeps through
           If it meant forgetting you.

Hatred
It's the next best thing to love
And the only emotion
I will entertain

The signs where there
Like writing on a wall
Tug and pull
We would eventually fall

That very first time
When you asked me to choose
Between singing and dancing
Or only being yours

That very first time
When you walked away
When all I really needed
Was for you to stay

This roller coaster ride
Was really just buying time
Inevitably
We were heading for disaster

I look at the sky as the sun breaks through
The clouds of yesterday has gone
The rain washed away the filth and dirt
To bring new life to this earth

Just as my heart was dark with despair
Your light came breaking through
Just as I thought all was lost
You were the one carrying the cost

Now all I see is light, no more pain
Even though nothing has really changed
But somehow I believe You are in control
God you will never let me go.

There was a time
when I would do whatever you asked
A time when I would
take on an army
face any storm
That time was then
This time is now
And I'm stronger now
I am who I am
I am me
I am perfect in my eyes
I lack nothing
I have everything
I don't need you.

I am stronger than you think
I'm the melody behind the perfect lyrics
I am a woman
A force to be reckoned with
You attempt to break me down
But like Stonehenge, I stand
Through storms and wars
Mysterious and powerful
And like stars scattered in the heavens
My light will never fade
Memories of me will remain
Long after I'm gone
Because I am a woman
To my dying day ... and beyond.

If I fly today,
I might die today,
If I die today,
You might cry today,
If you cry today,
You might lay today
In a lonely bed
Filled with regret

So instead
I won't fly today
So I won't die today
then you wont' cry today
and I will lie today
because everything is
As it should be

A sinner, not a saint
I bow before Your throne
***** and disgraced
I turn to You alone
Broken and Condemned
By a world of sin and shame
Unspoken cries rise up
Calling Your holy name


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now


As the skies tear open
And the rain of mercy falls
I stand before your presence
Breaking down these walls
I raise my hands in reverence
Forgiven and Set Free
Through your blood and love
I am Cleansed and redeemed


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now

I never really loved you
Because you never really cared
All it was in the end
Was an infstuation
That left me alone and scared
I gave it my all
Until my soul was left bare
A barren ground for weeds to sprout
Were anger and pain
Gave the loudest shout
I never really loved you
Because you never really cared.

I'm inspired by my pain
Intoxicated by my sorrows
The only thing that keeps me
From landing in the burrow
Is the inspiration
From all that seems in vain

It hurts to keep you
and it hurts to let you go
a secret tomorrow
with no guarantees
Is it love or comfort
commitment or habit
Why can't I decide?

I tried to write a happy poem
But nothing came to mind
Then I tried to write
A happy song
But all the notes were wrong
I tried to smile
I tried to laugh
Accomplish a higher state of grace
But all I saw
Were tears of sorrow
streaming down my face.

A century of words
A century of thoughts
A century of moments
caught one by one in verse
I made it, my first 100!
Now the aiming for the next :)

I want to laugh
at myself
yes
I want to look
at myself
again
Even with you gone
you still control me
I dislike it
And I'll smile
not because of you
but because I can
because I can love again
I will win again
I will stand up
and I will
climb this Everest
And reach the peak.

Why can I not stop the tears
When everything inside me
Feels like it's being ripped apart
Shrapnel of a broken promise
Leaves shards of infestation everywhere
I just wish...  I could stop the tears
I just wish I could stop feeling anything
Oh God rip out my heart and feed it to the dogs.

A whisper in the wind
Silently…softly
It comes as a breeze
Rustling the leaves
My heart is warm
But my soul is cold
A tear falls down
As the truth beholds
The key to the future
Yet unseen…
But in my heart
I will keep the dream

Why can't you just go
Leave me to my own
Let me be me

Why can't you just leave
Stop tormenting me
Let me be me

Why can't you just stop
The constant blaming
Let me be me

Why can't you just be
You
And Let me be me

I allowed you to define me
To mould me like clay
I trusted you with my heart
And you ruined it anyway
I trusted you with my design
but you abandoned me
Left me to the wolves
In the darkness I sit alone
While I gather the ashes
Of a desolate life
From the left over carbon
of my broken forgotten dreams
I’ll make a diamond
And start over again

Like the Phoenix
From the ashes
I will rise again
See the light
Touch the sky
Live and love again
Not only exist
for today or the next
but feel the sun
as it kisses my skin
From the ashes
I'll rise again
Like the Phoenix
I'll fly... and be free.

All the morbid sad poems
Are like little wicked gnomes
Gnawing at my ankles
Beckoning my downfall

Their little beady eyes
Glare hungrily at me
But who am I to stop them
When I can hardly flee

Maybe I should swing a left
Try a new approach
Kick the buggers in their teeth
And go out on a shopping spree

There u sit, so bewildered
What is this? You ask,
Is it that I am not welcome
You stand aside
As your friends walk by
Not wanting to play along
You walk out
To where the sun is shining
But to you
The sky seems gray and dull
What is this
That no one sees.
I hate this place
Please let me be…

I love you.
I need you.
I want you.
The end.

I wish I had the words to say
To make you understand
What I feel is more than words
Less than your heart demands
I want to say “I love”
As much as you want me to
Yet I cannot let go
Of this feeling that I have
Call it insecurities, stubbornness or pride
All I know it’s something
I can no longer hide
A special friend you are to me
Your friendship I hold dear
But “love you” I can just not say
I’d lie and it won’t be fair
I wish u not to be upset
Or in anger turn away
But if you so will
Your heart to spill
Or lash out at me today
I guess it will be well deserved
After all I caused you pain.

There was a time
When animosity throttled me
Draining my life force
Slowly but Surely

But that time has passed
I've grown stronger
Or have I just grown
subtly ignorant

Where did my emotions go
Why can't I feel the pain
Without it I'm nothing
With it I'm something

If we are not worth fighting for
Then why bother
If there's nothing left to say
Why do we pray

Pain and Love
Goes hand in hand
Like Night and Day
A seasonal display

What is the night
Without a bright day
Nothing but Darkness
a Chaotic disarray

Across the rugged terrain
of an unequally yoked marriage
I travel, with a flat tyre
and no jack
The rim is bent and buckled
the CV joints warn out
but onwards I push
I will pursue till the end
And when I get to the crest
of this mountainous life
With knees bleeding
and finger nails split
Cracked lips and pale eyes
I'll look back at the
piece of scrap
I once called love
And cry.

Last night I took the time to think
The time to dream a dream
As I looked out of my window
Darkness was all I could see
Maybe tomorrow it will all be okay
Maybe tomorrow the pain will go away
Maybe tomorrow joy instead of pain
Maybe tomorrow…
Maybe…

Have yourself a merry little Christmas..
La la dee da da….
The song rings in the distance
Carried by the wind to the corners of the earth
Standing outside while the rain softly drizzles
I look across the miles
The vast ocean spread before me
In my heart I feel a longing
Only I at this moment can see
So far away you are from me
But oh the wonderful thought
That even though we are far apart
Love, with a price we had bought
In time we will come to understand
How this could ever be
Such a warm and wonderful sensation
Shared between you and me
I laugh with you when you talk to me
I even cry sometimes
But not once have I ever had a doubt
That this love was not to be found
I do not know what this Christmas will be like
I do not what tomorrow brings
But what I know is that I believe
Our hearts together sings
About a love that might forever be
That might just one day work
A love that no man could even imagine
A love so pure and true
And from a far the song rings again
A merry Christmas indeed
…tomorrow all our trouble will be out of sight….

Sometimes words are not enough
To show you what I feel
But sometimes words can surely say
What deeds cannot reveal
You have been there every day
To help and guide me through
And with this card I wish to say
Thank you mom, for being you…
I love you

Fingers gliding over ivory keys
A melody of morbid isolation
drifts into the night, to find peace
A place to rest, in a crows nest
Her mind her soul her heart's a mess
Far away she longs to run
As far away as the night is from the sun
Into the horizon
Where the earth disappears,
Over the edge, to drown in her tears
From Ivory to Onyx
Minor chords express the loss
of a heart given at a cost
and a soul forever lost
drowning in an ocean of heartache
fading with the day
as the night starts its intake
of life,
of colour,
of love,
of valour
Draining the substance
Until its nothing but an empty shell
Decayed
Betrayed
Dismayed

A rose so beautiful
That’s what you are
An aroma so fresh
I can breathe from afar
From the day I saw light
You held me in your arms
To keep me safe From all harm
When I was learning my ABC
You were the one who encouraged me
You helped me through
At the times so dark
In my life you’ve made a mark
Mom you are a gift to me
A gift that no one else can be
And in this time of toil and pain
You need to know all’s not in vain
As time might pass
And things might change
I need you to understand my rage
It’s not against you not at all
But I know that in your arms I’ll fall
Even though I’m big and strong
I’ll never do you any wrong.
And if it seems I’ve lost my way
I need you not to turn away
For in my heart I will behold
This gift of life as pure as gold
You are for me a flower pure
A rose I’ll hold forever dear
Mom, I love you with all my heart
From my thoughts you will never depart.

No makeup
I'm grey
less than great
no floral display
all night long
I toss and turn
wondering
how can you love
This little mouse

What is it with these humans
punching my keys like there's no tomorrow
Feeding me with their own greedy needs
and filling my mind with senseless pleads.

Are those crumbs?
Are you going to pick them up?
Or are you going to leave them to grow
And create penicillin for better days to come?

In the corner of my room
I see her standing there
Not a single breath
Or a single sound
But she simply stares
Down at the ground
A lot to say
Afraid to pray
A lonely mind
With so much to say

My alter ego

Welcome to my crypt
Where dreams dormant lie
Covered in cobwebs
and gathering dust
Calcified veins
Once abundant with blood
Now a coniferous wood
Petrified

Ever so often
When I am alone
I find myself dreaming
Of you…
I then close my eyes
And slowly drift away
To a place
Where we are alone
My hand in yours
Your hand in mine
So close together
We are
Intensity, love,
Passion delight
May this dream forever
Be true
As reality returns
I come to realize
This is not a dream
‘Cause I love you
And you love me….
It’s a love very rarely seen…

The ****** of a lullaby
a melodic soft
and gentle sigh
an expectant heart
where faith flies high
Only to watch
As the infant dies
Through death I'm hushed
My soul is crushed
Never a breath
Not even a cry
Never did you hear
Mommy's lullaby
Or see me smile
In no time at all
My little angel
Took flight
Into the light.

Hatred
It's the next best thing to love
And the only emotion
I will entertain

In the darkness,
Through the forest she runs,
She searches for asylum.
Images of times gone by
Haunts her every dream.
Helplessly, she runs forth
Fleeing from the shadows
Anxiously, dreadfully crying
For a vigor to help her through

Her soul grows weak
As she stumbles
Through the land of the unknown.
Hoping, praying, searching,
Her spirit to atone
Far from all sanity she rests
But for a while
As the darkness and shadows
Envelope her
In depression she deeper falls

Her complexion fades
As her breath become shallow
Effortlessly she tries to reach out
Only again to let go
Once a proud and loving soul
Now motionless and alone
No faith in what once was
No trust in what could be
The battle's lost, she counted her costs
Forever a nomad she will be.

A friend is what I see in you
A friend I’d want forever
A friend to laugh and cry with too
Without letting passion enter
A friend is what I see in you
A friend I do adore
A friend that I would want to run too
Without hesitating at all
A friend is what I see in you
A friend to me you are
A friend with pain so sore and true
That’s what I see in you
A friend I am
A friend to you
A friend to help you make it through
Let me be the friend you need
And in time you will succeed
That’s what I see in you.

Love...

Left abandoned
Moored on a deserted island.
Lost in the white noise of life,
Where even angels fear to tread.
Unseen, unfathomed
Beyond the horizon of endlessness
I love you...
No, you don't
You love you
Consonants, and syllables
Tossed together in a salad bowl
For selfish gain and greed.

Numbing your mind
Is a temporary resolve
For a nagging conscience

When you know
It's not your composition
But a sad love song

In a minor-key
Dramatized music
That floods the soul

Until the walls break
And dry tears turn
Into a flash flood

Exasperating the ache
Exposing the wound
Ripping it open

Numbness resolved
Love evolved
But in the end....

Meaningless, if not returned

As dust and debris ascends on the earth
And people in panic flee
As the bird of steel in flight collided
Our hearts in sorrow cried
Memories of a nightmare
In our wildest dreams unseen
Will stay with this whole nation
Embedded in their dreams
Across the seas and plains
Far and distant countries mourn
The death of those who once so proud
The streets of New York roamed
From the east to west
From the north to the south
A prayer is said to all
In God we trust
For He is just
This evil will come to a fall

Silent night oh Holy Night
is the song we always sing
to  a Child that was born
On that blessed day
Shepherds flocking in the field
Angelic voices drawing near
Bringing worship to a King
Did you know that on that day
the greatest gift was given unto us
The Son of God became a man
Walked on the earth Known ad Emmanuel

Thirty pieces of silver was paid
That dreadful day
With a kiss the son of God
Would be betrayed.

Oh Holy night...
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear savior's Birth.....

On a heap of ashes
       a mother sits
               tearing at her clothes
                         as life's demands tear at her soul

On a heap of *******
       a mother makes her bed
                breathing in the stale air
                         as the darkness consumes her soul

On a heap of decay
       a mother sits and cries
                salt stained cheeks and bruised lips
                        as she watches her children pass her by

On a heap of mined soil
        a mother sits and contemplates
                the suffering and sacrifice, she willingly had made
                        the precious stones, the gold and diamonds

Nothing but natural resources - depleted.

Once upon a time
I called out your name
Once upon a time
I danced with you in the rain
Once upon a time
Your lips melded with mine
Once upon a time
Just a memory laid to rest

Crowds
       Music
             boys and girls

Dancing
        Shouting
                guitars and drums

One Direction
         Forward
                Don't look back

Live
      Love
             Sing!