Life
Love
Lust
Hate
4 Letter words
Powerful
Intense
Real
The Truth

As rain descends on the barren ground
Life begins to form
From deep within the womb of such
New life is being born
Still so pure so undefiled
Hidden from evil’s claws
This life this wondrous miracle
In waiting – grows more and more
Love in it’s purest
No doubt is in mind
Precious is this gift
So few would ever find
A life formed through love
One cannot ignore
A cord ever binding and true
As rain descends on this barren ground
This little life so still
No breath, no heartbeat, not even a cry
In silence so deadly and still
The miracle once so full of life
A mere vessel left out in the cold
Murdered – deprived – hated – alone
Out from it’s protective womb
No face no name

You came like a thief in the night
Stole her virtue, ignored her plight
Took what wasn't yours to take
Leaving her world shattered by a violent quake

You're filthy hands so freely took
As inwardly she violently shook
Trying to ignore the pain
But it was all in vain

Her innocence forever lost
Her childlike heart turned to frost
Never to feel joy and love
Or feel the sun rays from above

Broken
Tormented
Ended

Naked she lies
Her body tainted and bruised
cast aside by hate and demise
broken, torn, bleeding
her dreams shattered
her mind battered
discarded
forgotten
alone

So fragile
so small
tiny hands
perfect fingers
and tippie toes
thrown into a world
where lies freely fall
If I could
I would keep you
safe from rage
broken lies
inevitable pain
Safe in my arms
Wrapped in my heart
Forever
....my sweet little Alissa

The other day I met you
Not knowing what would be
For how could I have known
What not one of us could see

Right from the start you made me laugh
With you just being you
Your wit, your sense of humor too
What was I suppose to do

Over just a few short days
I grew to really care
And somehow I just believe it is
A feeling we both share

But even If this feeling’s there
You do not know me still
A few good laughs a kiss or two
But so far it’s just a thrill

As much as I would want to love you
And have my love returned
I have to tell you this little truth
And it might slightly burn

You might not understand this now
Who knows if you ever will
But none the less I’ll try to explain
Why there is so much pain


What you see is who I am
I love to laugh and play
My heart is good and full of passion
But this on thing of me I say

From the naked eye I hide
A mirror I do not wish to see
I ask myself the question
Why did it have to be me?

All is not what it seems
Masks are easily worn
And very rarely do you see
Where from this pain is born

I'm angry
can you see it
A storm
like a tornado
leaving destruction
in its wake
I try to force a tear
but there is nothing left
my heart turned to stone
I'm angry
can you see?
There's nothing else
nothing less
nothing more
all such a mess
I'm angry
can you see?

I read a poem from Stephan
It made no sense to me
All those coriographed lines
To the untrained eye unseen
Lies a secret or two
That may contain the key
To his so called happiness
In our own lives lost at sea

So tell me Stephan...
What is it with all this love?
What about some animosity!

Arg...
Is that a poem?
Arg
An expression?
Arg....
I have no words
Arg....

Like a mini ******
It surprises you
without warning
One, two, three, four
If I sneeze again
I'll surely die.

In her own scattered mess
Flawed perfections coalesce
She sits and contemplate
The difference between love and hate
A fine line of indifference
with subsequent consequence
She soars to new heights
Reaching for the starry lights
High above the night sky
Her soul flies high
To her own surprise
She is....
            Just....
                     .....Beautifully Disorganized

Darkness consumes me
Swallows me in
Waves of destruction
crashing around me
Chiseling at my soul
Hacking away
All resolve and reason
until all that is left
Is a corroded soul
Desolate
Destroyed
Depraved
A silent echo
Of the woman I once was

Bound and afflicted
Tired and convicted
My mortal soul
tainted and cold
In a grave
Buried
Alive

She looks at him
Her eyes starts to wonder
The corners of her mouth lifts
As she smiles at him
Her one brow lifts
A cynical look
Of disbelief?
Or pain?
A throaty laugh
Escapes her mouth
As she turns and shakes her head
Walks away still smiling high
Waving….
Bye bye

When I started feeding the dogs
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started cleaning the house
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started doing the Laundry
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started making supper
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I went to do the Groceries
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I started to slowly die
Did one of you ask "Can I help?"
When I died
All of you jumped in "Can we help?"
But it was too late - to help.

When all that is left
Are pieces of me
Scattered across the vast expanse
Of the life I used to live
And only mere fingerprints
Are left as brief reminders
Of the lives I did once touch
Then that will be all that is needed
To keep my memory alive
And to all of you I never knew
C'est La vie

Zap
End of the Chapter.
Chapter 11

Oh vile distasteful counterfeit
A generic imitation, abomination
How dare you mar the original one
Through mass marketing and sales pitching

And imitation born not of inspiration
but of cultivation by a selfish nation
A faked attempt you are
Plagiarism in its purest form

Chicory you deceitful liar
weaving your way into our homes
Replacing the proud Coffea Arabica
Rendering it nothing but a luxury to most

Away with you you mutant substance!
Be not a part of my house and home
For in this house is sanctioned pure
And only the best will endure.

Not a stranger
Not yet familiar
No face, No name
Yet caught up
in a crowd
sipping scotch and ice
keeping inside
building walls high
for no soul to scale
no love to break through
What would I say
If you asked me how
How would I lie
if I dare to try
breaking down
I slowly lay
I slowly die

I sit here looking at this screen
But somehow to my mind totally unseen
Invisible - not partially a part of my view
Why you ask me?
I have a trail of thoughts roaming my head
Confusion spinning me out of control
I think I love, but do I really?
I think I know, but without wisdom?
I think I won, but without a battle?
I laugh inside…sarcastically
I wait…
More thoughts, more issues, more.. more...more..
Stop this insanity let it die within me…
**** this feeling of hopelessness and loss!
I cry out screaming in silence
My soul burning my head turning!
Release me free me….
For this torment I can not longer bare
What I have done I myself can blame
What I have caused is to me alone shame
The punishment all self afflicted
Oh is there a way to end all this?
How do I begin, what can I do?
How is it so…so unbelievably true?
Oh, God have mercy on me…

My soul is bereft
Stuck in desolation
In a colorless world
I sit and wait for the end
Silent songs mourn my death
My spirit buried
Beneath the canopy of trees
Blocking out the sunlight
I once yearned for
A deafening silence
Stifles the beat of my heart
Once so proudly shrouded
In joy and laughter
Now nothing but a rock
Cold and hard

In a crowd, alone
I yearn for an end
To just close my eyes
And start the descend
Into the grave
Death I do crave
Take me darkness
Drown me now
Withdraw my last breath
I welcome you death.

Here we are again
this cross road again
passing the beginning
and collecting nothing
A chance card is all we have
Maybe this time
Maybe not
Here we are again
Dejavu... my friend.

Over Onyx and Ivory Keys
Her fingers glide
Sensually dancing
To its own melody
Majors and Minors
Sustained, suspended
Speaking the language
That the heart portrays
Happiness and Sadness
All coiled into one
A delicate compilation
A wordless song is sung

It slithers through
my every fiber
twisting and twirling
taking me higher
my demons hidden
from the truth I am
The moonlight my beacon
the mask slowly breaking
as an icy breeze
consumes my mind
I'm numb
Nothing left
but my own
Demons

Doom and Gloom
It surrounds me
Like a vortex pulling me in
Nothing I do
and nothing I say
will make it go away
I'm drowning slowly
In indifference
My life ebbing away
I have so little left to say
Oh I cry, I scream
But there's no-one who really listens
So I grow silent
Dormant
Until I'm left out cold
Depleted

Darkness
It haunts me
Talons from the past
Drawing me
deeper in
Lost in the caverns
of my own dark secrets
while your lies suffocate me
In a bottomless pit
of tar and decay
I let go of the life line
and sink further away

A solemn sad melody
Depicting my state of mind
Merely existing
To love and hate I'm blind
Day in and day out
Each breath a mere routine
While my soul decays
In the morbid state I'm in

My heart sings a sad melody
A song of dreams that used to be
Lost in a sea of forgotten wishes
Stolen hugs and passionate kisses
A beautiful love story
Left in purgatory
Forever to be
A distant memory

A distress call
A beacon with a blinking light
Red
Breaking through the darkest night
Ping
Resounding for miles ahead
A distress call.

Without a word
I had to assume
without a smile
my spirit died
without a tear
my heart shut down
and without a word
I gave up.
I'm done.

Don't you ******* touch me
Don't you even dare
This body is mine and mine alone
And it's the one thing I won't share

**** the vows and promises
Said before man and God
You should have thought about it
Before you broke my heart

Don't you ******* touch me
Dont you even dare
My heart left ruined and broken
There's nothing left to spare

**** the good times and the  bad
It's nothing but a memory
Of things that never should have mattered
And never should have been.

Don't you ******* touch me
Don't you even dare
Cause next time I'll break your arm
I sincerely ******* swear.

On the wings of the air
She dances with elegance and flair
Evoking the elements
Fire
       Water
                  Earth
                             Air
An harm ye none, do as ye want.

A friendly chat we started at
Not guarding our own hearts
Then the friendly talk we had
Became more serious with time
Before long we were in love
Holding the world in our hands
Hoping trusting believing
We can pursue our heart’s demands
Communicating on the Cyber Sea
Things were ok for you and me
5 e-mails and sometimes more
Became 2 e-mail less than before
Then 1 only and none from me
Guess that hurt you to the core
I guess this time of love we had
Could not the test endure?
So far away we are from love
So far from each other’s arms
I’ve felt something for you I’m sure
But love? I cannot know…
For if it was_ we would have passed
This test of love for sure
So many nights I’ve wondered
What it is that I longed for
And many times it came to this
Love – closeness and more
Then he came out of the blue
My mind still set on you
A friend he’ll be only
I told myself
We had a laugh a chat or two
There was something that I saw
Confused at first I wanted to burst
What was this feeling that I had
So we had a laugh we had a chat
And then I realized
I have fallen for another
And the feeling I cannot hide

Emptiness
The invisible force
That suffocates
Bringing forth
Relentless hate
Despite the hope
That once shone bright
Now there's nothing left
But the darkest night

Good reads
pearls and beads
I go to seek a Great perhaps
Knowing so many
Last words
But I never knew his
With life in its beauty
and death in its finality
Good-bye,
I'm leaving
Because I'm bored.
But alas
don't let it end like this
Tell them
I said something... Anything.

This will be the hour
The hour to let go,
A colleague, a friend a person so dear
Our thanks to her we show
New horizons she will seek
And be thus on her way
So here it is straight from our hearts
A blessing we all pray
That God will guide you and protect you
And keep you from harms way
And may the days that follow
Become wonders from above
Miracles and new beginnings
Upon which God showers His love
Though we go our separate ways
We will never forget
The lady with her Vacuum cleaner
And the files she had to get!
And even better than all the rest
The coffee that she shared!
Dud’s we will always remember
And will never forget
So u just be cool and remember
We’re still here where we first met!

Surrounded by four walls
I sit in silence and wait
The drapes above the windows fall
Shutting out the light

My safe place
My serenity
The place where I can hide
my souls depravity

Where no one sees
or even care
How I became
or how I dare

Tempting fate
I throw a rock
Hoping my actions
would somehow shock

The light that forces
its way through the night
while I battle the conflict
and try to take flight

far... far... away

She finally broke
As she slumped to the ground
Head hung low
With not a soul to be found

Years and years of work and toil
To keep what was hers
To nurture her home
Now nothing but glowing embers

No tears to be cried
No battles to be won
The moon has risen
A total eclipse of the sun

Is this really what you want?
A legacy you built
Thrown to the wolves
Torn to pieces
And scattered across the landscape
Pieces of us, strewn everywhere
Missing for eternity
In the vast expanse
Forever lost

Like raindrop kisses
My tears fall down
Reflecting on the pain
That broke the crown

Words said in haste
Where love once prevailed
Now desolate and empty
Two souls derailed

If I could go back in time
I would try over again
Until all the hurt and pain
Is nothing but a faded stain

I would crucify myself
Again and again
To show you the love
that still remains

I never meant to hurt you
or cause you such pain
I hope you can forgive me
And that we can try again

Through all the fights
and unshed tears
It is still you
I want to draw near

Let me hold you
And kiss away your tears
Catch every last drop
and soothe away your fears

In the end
It's you and me
Our eternal love
For all to see

On the road of my life
I see many things
I see my life as a child
I see it as I became a teenager
I see it as I as I became a grownup
Then I stopped as I remembered
The day you came into my life
Your tiny little body
So perfect and so small
And I smile as I remember
Your days as a child
Even as a teenager
Then you suddenly grew up
And the cycle of life continued
And I look and see your eyes
And I come to realize
I still love you as much as ever
My love for you has never changed
I will love you for another lifetime
And a day

Dreams
Memories swirling
Like a haze of smoke
Upwards
Disappearing into mid air
Memories
Once an anchor
to my dreams
in a raging ocean
Now all lost
In Davy Jones' locker
Shipwrecked
Forsaken

I suffocate my voice
Slit the wrists of my words
Anxious to be spoken
All for the sake of peace

Through the silence
Words unspoken
Deafening defiance
Happiness stolen

Leaving my soul empty
Desolate, deserted
Shipwrecked at sea
My soul departed

All for the sake of peace
I let you hold the key
And ruined this masterpiece
That no one will ever see

I close my eyes
And say a prayer
I think of you
In your dispair
So lost alone
No where to go
I pray that God
His love will show
And where you are
In hiding alone
May you come
Before Gods throne
May you seek
His face today
Don’t forever
Turn away
For in this moment
All seems lost
But even greater
Will be the cost
If you should stumble
And never get up
So in this moment
Of utter despair
Know His voice
And quietly draw near
Let Him drown you
In his love
Let Him give you
Abundance thereof

Frustrated
Emotionally constipated
Fiercely
  Unintended
     Compromised
        Kisses that lead to
           Expected
               Death

We danced
We laughed
Through the night
We lived
Glimpses of perfection
Caught in the crystal
Chandelier
Silhouettes
As lovers dance
Through a world
Of champagne and glass
Twirl and play
The night away
As midnight falls
The curtain draws
On the star crossed lovers
Cinderella
Prince Charming
A glass slipper
For One day.

God, are you there?
The question I dare ask
God, do you hear?
The doubt within my heart
When did I lose you?
When did you leave?
What made me turn away?
From the breath I once breathed
I run in the darkness
Cold and alone
Why can’t I find you?
Where have you gone
I try to reach out
And touch the once familiar face
But all I can find is darkness
An empty space
Lost and alone
I sit in an silent grave
Hoping longing waiting
Maybe He’ll look my way
So many times I’ve turned away
And left you standing there
How can I dare to let you in
Why would You even care
I am the one who turned away
From You, but once again
So God I stand here all alone
To afraid to hurt You again
My mind recalls the blessed moments
In Your presence I once enjoyed
Now it’s only a memory
In the attic it’s been stored
Gathering dust, fading with time
What can I do now?
Oh God if I could change the past
What better person I would be
But fate has brought me here thus far
So this is my silent plea
If thou grace still counts for me
May You not turn away
But show me once again your love
The beauty of your face....

This will be my prayer today
That God will keep you safe
And as you walk in heavenly light
May this be your endless plight
To honor Him in all you do
To give Him all you have of you
To live a holy sacred life
And never ever give in to strife
My this day bring joy and peace
As it is the day that God did give
And may tomorrow a promise bring
Of happiness to serve the King.