I allowed you to define me
To mould me like clay
I trusted you with my heart
And you ruined it anyway
I trusted you with my design
but you abandoned me
Left me to the wolves
In the darkness I sit alone
While I gather the ashes
Of a desolate life
From the left over carbon
of my broken forgotten dreams
I’ll make a diamond
And start over again

Not a stranger
Not yet familiar
No face, No name
Yet caught up
in a crowd
sipping scotch and ice
keeping inside
building walls high
for no soul to scale
no love to break through
What would I say
If you asked me how
How would I lie
if I dare to try
breaking down
I slowly lay
I slowly die

Spam me
Flood my inbox
make me
know
you miss me more
every fleeting minute
passing by like fireflies
disappearing in to the night
but at least
your spam
Keeps me here.

On a heap of ashes
       a mother sits
               tearing at her clothes
                         as life's demands tear at her soul

On a heap of *******
       a mother makes her bed
                breathing in the stale air
                         as the darkness consumes her soul

On a heap of decay
       a mother sits and cries
                salt stained cheeks and bruised lips
                        as she watches her children pass her by

On a heap of mined soil
        a mother sits and contemplates
                the suffering and sacrifice, she willingly had made
                        the precious stones, the gold and diamonds

Nothing but natural resources - depleted.

I am stronger than you think
I'm the melody behind the perfect lyrics
I am a woman
A force to be reckoned with
You attempt to break me down
But like Stonehenge, I stand
Through storms and wars
Mysterious and powerful
And like stars scattered in the heavens
My light will never fade
Memories of me will remain
Long after I'm gone
Because I am a woman
To my dying day ... and beyond.

The city is like a wicked temptation
At day a concrete jungle
Cold and made of stone and aspalt
At night it transforms
And mimics the night sky
With stars sparkling bright
What a magnificent sight
But then the sun rises
And it's nothing but cold stone
Again

The ****** of a lullaby
a melodic soft
and gentle sigh
an expectant heart
where faith flies high
Only to watch
As the infant dies
Through death I'm hushed
My soul is crushed
Never a breath
Not even a cry
Never did you hear
Mommy's lullaby
Or see me smile
In no time at all
My little angel
Took flight
Into the light.

Letting go
  of the pain you sowed
    Is the hardest part
       for my failing heart

A breathless whisper
   A subtle lie
      An innocent love
         Is left to die

But let go I must
    My heart I need to trust
       Its the only way
          I will be okay

I want to laugh
at myself
yes
I want to look
at myself
again
Even with you gone
you still control me
I dislike it
And I'll smile
not because of you
but because I can
because I can love again
I will win again
I will stand up
and I will
climb this Everest
And reach the peak.

you
me
perfectly matched
separated
extricated
skillfully patched
love
hate
Animosity hatched

Through Painted Glass
Life’s visions are cast
Memories engraved

Along this road
By many travelled
To some a senseless game

Ghosts from the past
Haunts many lives
Wrecking future grounds

Making infertile
Wonderful dreams
Success no where to be found

Under this blanket
Sombre and grey
The past dictator of all

Keeping the future
Locked in a prison
Inside a crimson wall

Where slowly it dies
Never to be found
In a silent grave forever

Arg...
Is that a poem?
Arg
An expression?
Arg....
I have no words
Arg....

Muted words
Hushed tones
Downplayed emotions
Hurt like stones
Bottled up tears
Unspoken fears
Nothing but regret
A constant threat
'till all that is left
is a soul bereft

A solemn sad melody
Depicting my state of mind
Merely existing
To love and hate I'm blind
Day in and day out
Each breath a mere routine
While my soul decays
In the morbid state I'm in

Boxes in the hallways
Memories on the walls
Our time together over
A room full of despair

Our lives we always shared
Now nothing but demise
as we cast another stone
to make our heartache known

Butterflies cocooned
A lonely cage of sadness
The thrill of love now gone
wrapped in pain one by one

Closing every curtain
In each and ever room
Shutting out the sunlight
On a love that once took flight

In the end our wishes
Shattered carelessly
Now in cardboard boxes
Lost in animosity

The End

You say you love me
Yet you do not help me
You say you brag about me
Yet you never support me
You say you'll be lost without me
Yet you do not care how you treat me
You say you hate to see me cry
Yet you do not care to hurt me
Promises are like dusty cobwebs
In a deserted house
Nothing but dirt.

Fingers gliding over ivory keys
A melody of morbid isolation
drifts into the night, to find peace
A place to rest, in a crows nest
Her mind her soul her heart's a mess
Far away she longs to run
As far away as the night is from the sun
Into the horizon
Where the earth disappears,
Over the edge, to drown in her tears
From Ivory to Onyx
Minor chords express the loss
of a heart given at a cost
and a soul forever lost
drowning in an ocean of heartache
fading with the day
as the night starts its intake
of life,
of colour,
of love,
of valour
Draining the substance
Until its nothing but an empty shell
Decayed
Betrayed
Dismayed

If I fly today,
I might die today,
If I die today,
You might cry today,
If you cry today,
You might lay today
In a lonely bed
Filled with regret

So instead
I won't fly today
So I won't die today
then you wont' cry today
and I will lie today
because everything is
As it should be

I sit here wondering about
All that had gone wrong
Even the things that had gone right
Is still clearly in my sight
But I look at you
And my heart sinks deep
Into this mortal death so cold
As I come to realize
That this might become
A story forever untold.
A story of two hearts
So cruelly kept apart
Two souls who thought
They had it all
But were left out in the cold
Is this the way it always ends
So miserably sad
Does the sun ever cease to set
Or the storm ever calms?
Or will it ever be like this
An endless mourning song…
Two heats so cruelly kept apart
What need I say more?
But a silent prayer from deep within
Forever... Unspoken... Unheard

Life
Love
Lust
Hate
4 Letter words
Powerful
Intense
Real
The Truth

ugh
I hate you
you hurt me
and I wont let you
no more
never
ugh

What is it with these humans
punching my keys like there's no tomorrow
Feeding me with their own greedy needs
and filling my mind with senseless pleads.

Are those crumbs?
Are you going to pick them up?
Or are you going to leave them to grow
And create penicillin for better days to come?

You came like a thief in the night
Stole her virtue, ignored her plight
Took what wasn't yours to take
Leaving her world shattered by a violent quake

You're filthy hands so freely took
As inwardly she violently shook
Trying to ignore the pain
But it was all in vain

Her innocence forever lost
Her childlike heart turned to frost
Never to feel joy and love
Or feel the sun rays from above

Broken
Tormented
Ended

Like raindrop kisses
My tears fall down
Reflecting on the pain
That broke the crown

Words said in haste
Where love once prevailed
Now desolate and empty
Two souls derailed

If I could go back in time
I would try over again
Until all the hurt and pain
Is nothing but a faded stain

I would crucify myself
Again and again
To show you the love
that still remains

I never meant to hurt you
or cause you such pain
I hope you can forgive me
And that we can try again

Through all the fights
and unshed tears
It is still you
I want to draw near

Let me hold you
And kiss away your tears
Catch every last drop
and soothe away your fears

In the end
It's you and me
Our eternal love
For all to see

I sit here looking at this screen
But somehow to my mind totally unseen
Invisible - not partially a part of my view
Why you ask me?
I have a trail of thoughts roaming my head
Confusion spinning me out of control
I think I love, but do I really?
I think I know, but without wisdom?
I think I won, but without a battle?
I laugh inside…sarcastically
I wait…
More thoughts, more issues, more.. more...more..
Stop this insanity let it die within me…
**** this feeling of hopelessness and loss!
I cry out screaming in silence
My soul burning my head turning!
Release me free me….
For this torment I can not longer bare
What I have done I myself can blame
What I have caused is to me alone shame
The punishment all self afflicted
Oh is there a way to end all this?
How do I begin, what can I do?
How is it so…so unbelievably true?
Oh, God have mercy on me…

So fragile
so small
tiny hands
perfect fingers
and tippie toes
thrown into a world
where lies freely fall
If I could
I would keep you
safe from rage
broken lies
inevitable pain
Safe in my arms
Wrapped in my heart
Forever
....my sweet little Alissa

In a crowd, alone
I yearn for an end
To just close my eyes
And start the descend
Into the grave
Death I do crave
Take me darkness
Drown me now
Withdraw my last breath
I welcome you death.

She finally broke
As she slumped to the ground
Head hung low
With not a soul to be found

Years and years of work and toil
To keep what was hers
To nurture her home
Now nothing but glowing embers

No tears to be cried
No battles to be won
The moon has risen
A total eclipse of the sun

Darkness consumes me
Swallows me in
Waves of destruction
crashing around me
Chiseling at my soul
Hacking away
All resolve and reason
until all that is left
Is a corroded soul
Desolate
Destroyed
Depraved
A silent echo
Of the woman I once was

This will be my prayer today
That God will keep you safe
And as you walk in heavenly light
May this be your endless plight
To honor Him in all you do
To give Him all you have of you
To live a holy sacred life
And never ever give in to strife
My this day bring joy and peace
As it is the day that God did give
And may tomorrow a promise bring
Of happiness to serve the King.

Into my life you came so unexpectedly
With so much witt and confidence
You showed yourself to me
At first I did not want to trust
The feeling I have inside
But through the days to follow
It was a feeling I could not hide
As the days turned into weeks
I dared to open my soul
I dared to let a stranger into
The sanctity of my heart
And now today I dare to say
That this just might be love
For this feelings that I feel
Drives me crazy enough.
I do not know what tomorrow brings
Or what the days to follow behold
But this I know for certain
It is a story yet to be told.
So let us take one day at a time
And enjoy this wonderful day
And let love between us grow
By the power of Gods Love I pray

Quietly a whisper in the evening breez
What is this that no one sees?
Could it be your heart is weak
Like a lamb soft and meak.

A cold hard wall You’ve build for yourself
Keeps you save from pain itself
This castle too you’ve build for you
So no one could ever love you true

I roam around the cold stone wall
Trying to find a hidden door
But to my distress there is none at all
What else could I do more?

I turn away not showing the pain
The compassion I have is all in vain
Life was to hard and cruel to you
There is no way you will let me love you true

Why can I not stop the tears
When everything inside me
Feels like it's being ripped apart
Shrapnel of a broken promise
Leaves shards of infestation everywhere
I just wish...  I could stop the tears
I just wish I could stop feeling anything
Oh God rip out my heart and feed it to the dogs.

There was a time
When animosity throttled me
Draining my life force
Slowly but Surely

But that time has passed
I've grown stronger
Or have I just grown
subtly ignorant

Where did my emotions go
Why can't I feel the pain
Without it I'm nothing
With it I'm something

If we are not worth fighting for
Then why bother
If there's nothing left to say
Why do we pray

Pain and Love
Goes hand in hand
Like Night and Day
A seasonal display

What is the night
Without a bright day
Nothing but Darkness
a Chaotic disarray

Good reads
pearls and beads
I go to seek a Great perhaps
Knowing so many
Last words
But I never knew his
With life in its beauty
and death in its finality
Good-bye,
I'm leaving
Because I'm bored.
But alas
don't let it end like this
Tell them
I said something... Anything.

A sinner, not a saint
I bow before Your throne
***** and disgraced
I turn to You alone
Broken and Condemned
By a world of sin and shame
Unspoken cries rise up
Calling Your holy name


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now


As the skies tear open
And the rain of mercy falls
I stand before your presence
Breaking down these walls
I raise my hands in reverence
Forgiven and Set Free
Through your blood and love
I am Cleansed and redeemed


If I ever needed You
Lord its now
If I ever needed more
Lord its now
If I ever needed love
Lord its now
If I ever needed Grace
Lord its now

A century of words
A century of thoughts
A century of moments
caught one by one in verse
I made it, my first 100!
Now the aiming for the next :)

Lord I turn to you
In this hour of grace
Just to be in your presence
And see your lovely face
So many times
I take for granted
The mercies that you show
Not thinking of the pain I cause
Every time I let you go.
All you ask is love and devotion
But my selfish needs comes first
I yearn for you in all your glory
But will give nothing in return
And here Lord as I am today
I go on my knees and pray
That every day you’ll renew my mind
And teach me what to say
The time has come for me to give
What you so much longed for
Not gold or silver or earthly goods
Not worship or songs of praise
But me oh God I give myself
To do with as you please

I never really loved you
Because you never really cared
All it was in the end
Was an infstuation
That left me alone and scared
I gave it my all
Until my soul was left bare
A barren ground for weeds to sprout
Were anger and pain
Gave the loudest shout
I never really loved you
Because you never really cared.

Somewhere above
         Somewhere below
                          She lost her mind
             She lost her soul
Somewhere out there
             Somewhere inside
                   She lingers still
Innocent
Untouched
Whole

She looks at him
Her eyes starts to wonder
The corners of her mouth lifts
As she smiles at him
Her one brow lifts
A cynical look
Of disbelief?
Or pain?
A throaty laugh
Escapes her mouth
As she turns and shakes her head
Walks away still smiling high
Waving….
Bye bye

My soul is bereft
Stuck in desolation
In a colorless world
I sit and wait for the end
Silent songs mourn my death
My spirit buried
Beneath the canopy of trees
Blocking out the sunlight
I once yearned for
A deafening silence
Stifles the beat of my heart
Once so proudly shrouded
In joy and laughter
Now nothing but a rock
Cold and hard

Over the edge,
Flung like a ******* through the air
Catapulted into emotional desolation
Me.
Done.
Broken.
... over socks, you ask?
Yes... the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I read a poem from Stephan
It made no sense to me
All those coriographed lines
To the untrained eye unseen
Lies a secret or two
That may contain the key
To his so called happiness
In our own lives lost at sea

So tell me Stephan...
What is it with all this love?
What about some animosity!

I'm tired
mentally wired
strung tight like a snare
about to snap
The End.

In the darkness,
Through the forest she runs,
She searches for asylum.
Images of times gone by
Haunts her every dream.
Helplessly, she runs forth
Fleeing from the shadows
Anxiously, dreadfully crying
For a vigor to help her through

Her soul grows weak
As she stumbles
Through the land of the unknown.
Hoping, praying, searching,
Her spirit to atone
Far from all sanity she rests
But for a while
As the darkness and shadows
Envelope her
In depression she deeper falls

Her complexion fades
As her breath become shallow
Effortlessly she tries to reach out
Only again to let go
Once a proud and loving soul
Now motionless and alone
No faith in what once was
No trust in what could be
The battle's lost, she counted her costs
Forever a nomad she will be.