She was young when she committed
Her friends yell her name
but its like shes not there
shes gone
her mind committed suicide a long time ago
its going insane now

So whats the point of living
when your not there
her heart is already on the edge of giving up
with all the blows that it took

its like living without an soul
its just a body
not really a corpse
because she is still breathing

but shes not alive either

Dont you ever have that feeling that something doesnt feel right
but you follow it anyways
like God is telling you to stop
and leads you to another direction
but you dont listen and keep moving forward
so God has to make something go wrong or that person to hurt you
but your so ignorant and you take the pain and keep trying
and feel like God is going to let you do what you think is going to work
then hurt you so bad that you cant continue

yeah thats how I feel like right now

I don't want to continue running back to you
knowing that you don't want me back
I can't help to think there's hope
when deep down inside this is something that cant be fixed
I'm trying to hold on to the names he calls me once in a while
the names he use to call me while we were together
I want to move on from you
but I cant
I'm trying to fix something that is not going to change by loving them
even though loving them right now is dangerous
I have to slowly move on
because loving you right now is like letting my heart commit suicide
you say you love me
but you don't prove it
you call me by my names
but you don't mean it
you say you miss hearing my voice
but you don't even want to call me
you say all these things
but manage to always have an excuse for each and everyone of them
I'm trying to move on
but your such an addiction
A drug that is slowly killing me
but making me feel good
sadly I'm giving you the privilege
I'm letting you drag me to hell
but its only because your guiding me there
because your with me
I just cant let go what we had
and if I have to be sent sent to hell
just to feel that temporary feeling again
then I guess lead the way

I know I deserve better
even though I feel like I deserve the bad things that happen
making up for the sins Ive done
But I sat down and thought about it
I dont deserve that
Why am I so ******* myself
A question that will most likely never be answered
I need to start doing whats best for me
even if I feel like I dont deserve it
I have to start by removing people out of my life
Improve on myself
work to be the best I can be
and just live
I am wasting my time
for something that isnt going to change
unless I do something about it
So I have to make a change
and it needs to start now

Falling alseep thinking of you
Dreaming about what we had
and wish we can have again
dreaming about making love with you
taking care of my body and soul

but realizing this dream is only an illusion
knowing this isnt real

this dream turned into a nightmare really fast
instead of us making love
it only felt like *******
it felt forced
it felt like a ****

didnt feel like love anymore

felt like nothing

He traded his gun for love

-Stephen

I'm starting to realize that I deserve better