i breathe
nothing in
but seagulls feathers
and
my lungs
try to paddle themselves to shore

your mind is
just an ocean of garbage that i'm swimming
in
indulging
for a short time
before
i
drown in
you
&
your likeness

just promise me you'll end it quickly

flush me
out to sea.

you laugh at my lips and my arms,
the things they say and do

but i know that when you lay your head down on your pillow at night
i dance behind your eyes and torture you.

i hide in the webs inbetween your fingers
the little 'you are loved' pin on the dashboard of your old ford
the little memories
you try to
keep
from
penterating your empty skull
but still patiently sit behind your eyes.

i scare you because i understand you.

and the truth
kills all the weeds
that you've been so pertinatiously  growing in your head.
lies are a false flower
hiding in rotting wood
whilst
growing against the bars of the sun


i understand why your scared
why you hide,
love isnt for the faint of heart.
love isn't for cowards.

maybe that's why your mouth always tasted like lies.
maybe that's why you would always slink back for more only in the cover of
darkness

so chase me,
call me names
set me on fire
with the hate in your eyes;

keep on trying to pick at my skin
while i effortlessly pick at yours
i promise it won't work

because I don't think you realize
i stopped caring
not long after
the
night
you
told
me
you
did
.

my mind is revolting garbage
and it seems i have gotten under your fingernails;
and i know how this goes, you've been spending all night trying to get me out
and youve been pulling your hair
over the things i said to you...

i know that i make you sick
and no matter how many times you try to hide it
ive seen you on the bathroom floor.

when you kiss me i find my way into your blood stream
and I start attacking your pathogens..
eventually I'll shut down your nervous system
and end up eating away at your heart.

i know what i do to you.

it just who i am, it's just what i do.
don't take it personally.

so this will be the one and only time that i urge you to leave darling,
take what you need from me and go
i know i have already stolen too much time and too many years of your life from you..

don't you worry
and
don't you dare look back
ill be able to make due with my own company from now on and until the day i die

tell me you love me
give me a kiss goodbye
and save yourself

i understand
please
just

show me a bit of kindness before  you go
and before my bones pick themselves up and leave.
before i shed my shell.
before i die.


i just want to feel weightless one last time

before i destroy myself.

you laugh with faces so bright
you could light cities
and
here
i'm left

  alone.

i'm just a clam in the ocean.

a mere muscle.

walking around with a smile permanently engraved on my exoskeleton,
a smile can hide so many things.
including a life time of lies
including the things he did to you
the things they said

i'm just a little itty bitty thing against these waves, against this world.

a little pinprick,

a dot on your map

so tiny
i don't even matter
to the spectrum of everything....

but I like to pretend I do,
play make believe
as
they throw me against the rocks,
and try to break me
i tell myself i matter
that I'm part of the chain reaction that is called life
that i, being so tiny, can make a difference..

but logic gets the best of me
time and time again
and the waves don't stop
whispering.
they either speak too quietly  
or all at once
either way there words always end up crashing against each other


i don't understand what i need to do

i don't understand what my purpose is and no one else can tell me.

im just a mere muscle
with two shells for eyelids to seal in my saline tears
i am only a clam, and these are only waves.
so I seal myself shut,
let the barnacles grow over my lips
and choke on
the
  words
in
    my
salty
    mouth.

something wild has been eating at me
because now i'm all torn apart..
so if I may
can i slide into your bones and become you..?
escape
what i can't control
and be something new..?
i tire of this skin, and i tire of yours
i can never find something to sustain my hunger long enough
because you're all the same really
you all leave the same taste on my tongue
petty little people
hiding in your generic houses
somewhere amidst the concrete jungles you call organized cities,
pretending to mean something

when we both know
deep down
inbetween our non existent hearts

you're nothing more than just an animal.