One finger is all it takes
To shoot a gun, loaded
With the tiniest bullet in the world.
The kind of ammunition that kills –
Slowly.
It latches onto your skin,
Seeping in, unseen and invisible
Spreading to your bones, your veins
Diffusing into your bloodstream,
Undetected until the blood pours out.

I’m staring directly into the barrel,
At the point where I see nothing
And though I can’t see inside,
I can see into the future.
Where I can see that a single finger –
Even the smallest one –
Is strong enough to pull the trigger.
The gun is cocked, ready to be shot
And the one thing that is holding it back
Is a mystery.

If I could do it all again,

I would still die by her,
But I would live and love you.

The secrets you keep **** me inside
Every little word you spoke was a lie.
You took the most precious key that I had
And used it for nothing but grief and passion gone mad.
A robber, a murderer, a liar you are
Making me hate every last breath that you draw.
I hate how I love the feeling of your skin
But you’re a conniving cheater, man’s biggest sin.
You took a love given only once every life
Now filling my heart and my body with strife.
Deep feelings of anger and sorrow now abide
In the corners and crevices hidden in my mind.
What to do, what to think, even what to feel
Are wonders unknown to this broken down peel.

littlred's in trouble now
the scars
were found
someone's got to answer for them
and i hope to god
it won't be
me
i prayed for a year and a half
that dad wouldn't see

i'm in

trouble

I feel the tendrils creeping in
Wrapping around my core, my neck
The muscles slowly strengthen, suffocating me
Making my calls so muted they’re virtually nonexistent.
I’m shouting though I can’t breathe,
But no one can hear my screams from the
Deep, dark trenches of the shadowy sea
As unbeknownst creatures emerge,
Leaving their places of sweet asylum
And intruding upon mine,
Yet, I still am stranded here in this place.
I don’t even know where I am,
But the voices of fear and insecurity in my mind,
Tell me what I need to do - when, why, how -
Steadily I hear a crescendo of a piano some distance away,
So far, almost on the outskirts of the complex town inside my mind,
Though I discover the music is waiting just around the bend.
A flats, F sharps – getting louder, louder!
“Stop!” I am screaming now
Or at least I think that’s me.
But the music blocks out my voice
That tender little voice of mine.
Suddenly, as I see a blonde-haired head pop up,
I lose my balance, and I begin to fall
Deep into an abyss, a magical abyss
With walls that close in more and more the farther I drop.
As the yellow light above me slowly dims,
I expect a rope, a ladder, anything,
But there is no one there to save me.
I realize the opening I see is a barrel,
And I am staring directly into its wide-eyed face.
A click tells me that the trigger is ready,
As the melody overtakes me and
I am caught in a whirlwind of music.
Spinning, spinning, everything going round and round
All I can see is the darkness behind my eyelids.
So I cry out loud yet again
But no one comes to my side,
Which doesn’t matter, I guess –
I don’t want my skin to be a bulletproof sheath,
Protecting and preserving my unyielding wall.
I want the demons to infiltrate my soul and strip me of this agony
So that I can finally smile amidst the ocean’s fury
As the tornado destroys my mind
And the tendrils of the music pull me in.