As you pass by,
Your scent
Is carried through the air.

It wafts toward me,
As I smell it,
I'm nearly brought to tears.

Because you were mine,
All mine.
But now you're her's.

It makes me so upset,
Its hard for me
To put into words.

You broke my heart,
which ruined my life,
and then you broke all theirs'.

People think I'm overreacting,
Or crazy,
Or obsessed.

But they don't know
What love is,
And how it can be expressed.

Lightning struck,
Now you're dead,
Is it all in my head?
I don't know,
I don't care,
You're just gone and I'm glad.
All the lies you said,
All the girls you told "I love you"
Would strike you down with a hit to the head.
But the lightning got you first,
Did you suffer?
Did it hurt?
Did you drown in your lies?
When you were struck down
Did you cry? Like we did when you broke our hearts.
Could you feel the pain?
Did you know you were dying?
Did you want the truth, but think God was lying?
It was destined to be,
Otherwise God wouldn't have done it,
I wonder what it's like where you're going,
Because when I'm called home, I'm going to the summit

When
        All
My memories
        Of you
Are gone,
        That
Is when
        I
        Will
        Move on.

As I read,
The words on the page
Turn into bugs,  
And crawl around.
I feel my heart beat,
In my head,
While my feet
Are on the ground.
My senses get mixed up,
I feel schizophrenic,
My heartbeat increases dramatically,
And I begin to panic.
I feel the air getting thinner,
With less of it to breathe,
If my heart stops beating,
Will there be anyone to grieve?
All this pain and suffering,
Was clearly meant to be,
But what I want to know is,
Was it truly intended for me?
Shots to keep me calm,
Pills to heal my pain,
So many perscriptions,
Just to heal my brain.
I'm scared of nearly everything,
From bugs to snakes to the dark,
To who knows what could be lurking,
Across the street at the park.
I try to conquer my fears,
At least one at a time,
The one fear ill never escape from,
Is the thoughts inside my mind.

Im invincible,
Not invisible,
Or remarkable,
But capable.
I am able
To make do,
With all I have,
But I don't have you.
Without you
I am nothing,
Because you,
You're something,
Something untouchable,
Unchangable,
You're shapable,
But completely stable.
Whereas I,
I'll never have
Stability
Or the ability
To maintain
A high agility
Like you;
Rather I'll be described
As having much fragility
Not fertility;
Sterility.
Its confusing,
I know,
But I cant express
Or repress
What I felt because of you;
Except with one word,
Depressed.
The rest
Will be forgotten,
Left in the dirt to rot
In a mound of memories
That no one recalls.
But those memories haul
A lot of pain
And emotions that
I let drive me insane.

Addicted to the bottles,
Addicted to the pain,
I'm addicted to you
And it's driving me insane.
These ***** are my only friends,
They bring me warmth inside,
I think to myself,
"If I keep drinking, pretty soon I'll die".
The thought of death
Doesn't bother me,
It doesn't frighten me;
Rather, it brings security.
How will I go?
Overindulgence,
Or too many pills,
It wont be long before we know.
These thoughts run through my mind,
While I put on a fake smile,
All the time thinking of death
Or dying in just a short while.
Painkillers numb the pain,
But not for too long,
Pretty soon more pills are in my hand;
I take them to stay strong.
With bottles lined up,
And pills scattered across the floor;
A razor blade to the wrist,
My body propped up against the door.
Our lives aren't long,
Though life is the longest thing we do,
But I can't find the point of living,
If I can't be with you.

Looking down at my hands,
I can see the power they hold,
The ability to show strength,
Or bring pain to the body, mind, and soul.

As I stare at my hands,
The makers of pain,
I wish to myself,
That those scars weren't the same.

As if I didn't feel
Mentally disfigured enough,
Now physical deformities
Brought upon me too;
I've had enough.

I can’t stand how I look,
I hate the way I feel,
I can’t take the judgment,
It’s too personal and real.

I feel like my brain is imploding,
It’s quickly shutting down.
I can’t help it
But my brain’s first reaction
Is to block out all sight and sound.

I watch those faint markings
As they dance around my hands,
They remind me of who I was
And where I've been,
But not who I am.

Those markings resemble
The battles I've lost;
I always tried to win,
I've always put up a fight
Regardless of the eternal cost.

Those lines and patterns,
They show where I've come from,
But not where I’ll go,
But then again,
At this point,
Who really knows.