I packed up my life
in boxes,
bags
and suitcases
and moved down to the sea.

The part of me
that knew I was running away
also knew,
deep down,
that I couldn't hide.

And so,
two years on,
having said goodbye
to the grey stone city
and the smoke,
my demons have tracked me down.

I've always been
a bit of a miserable ***,
prone to black moods
and apathy.

There is so much life
in anger.
So much passion
in bitterness.

Hate
is so clean,
so simple.

Clear
as glass,
and twice as sharp.

Although fading,
the memories
of those late February kisses
have followed me
into summer.

Pale
and distant
but still shimmering
on the horizon.

Looking
to the sky
for inspiration,
hoping
for some peace.

Waiting
for salvation,
praying for love
but...

...today
it feels like
it could rain forever.

Our moment
in time
has passed,
gone forever.

Now,
I have to force
the weakest of smiles
when our paths cross.

If I can bear to speak to you,
my lips
politely
skim your cheek hello,

all the time remembering
how my heart used to race
whenever I saw you,
and how it aches now.

A stolen life
run by a stranger
who looks a lot like me.

Before this automaton
fell from the sky
and took my place,
I used to be a little more human.

I’m an alien.
Revisiting a planet
that I’ve already been to
and one where I don’t belong.

A planet where it seems like there are no answers;
where life  
and people,
continue to baffle
and confuse me.

I’m just going through the motions.
Nodding
like a toy dog
and smiling in all the right places.

Every day
slowly unfolds
much like the one before,
leaving me further behind
and feeling a little less human.

I miss you

almost as much
as I miss
the man you were helping me turn into…

I hope he’s not
lost
forever.