When you lie awake at night
I want you to write stupid songs about losing me.
At three in the morning when you've cried
Until you can't breathe
I want you to think of me
And all the promises you didn't keep
And maybe you'll write them all down
So you can do better with the next one

When you lie awake at night
I want you to imagine that you're holding me
You'd like that wouldn't you?
And when you've had too much to drink
And you've smoked a full pack
I want you to remember me
And how I steered you towards recovery.

When you lie awake at night
I want you to play your stupid bass
And scream until your lungs burst
With the overwhelming sense of loss
And when nobody is there for you
I want you to remember how I always was
And then you'll realize how you've lost.

When you lie awake at night
I want you to be stuck on me
I want you to never forget
The look on my face as you walked away
And while I'll be flying high
You'll go back to digging your own grave
While you lie awake at night.

You were the rain that soaked through my well-built facade
As you drew me back into the darkness of never knowing
You turned out the lights and tuned out my thoughts
Who am I to say you're wrong?
A box full of papers into the fire
Happy pagan new year darling
Forgive me for trying to forget you.

Look to my right
Headlights
Too close
Too fast
"No"

Eyes shut
I am spinning
And so many sounds
I don't remember
And then
My name, yelled
"Are you okay?"
"No"

Glass in palms
The crawl to safety
leaving me ******
And I am
in your arms
And I feel
Everything
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know"

And then
Sitting down
Touching
Cringing
My head
My thigh
My chest
My back
My arm
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know"

Walking
Stopping
Just to breathe
My hand is warm
In yours
"Are you okay?"

Porch light
Desperate search
Found keys
Dogs barking
Your lips
On mine
I stop
"Are you okay?"
I feel
Everything

Cold
White
Ambulance
But not mine
You're fine
Take this
Take those too
Cold showers
No exercise
"Are you okay?"
Good.
Go home"

And later
At night
Awake
I finally answer

"No"

Ten thirty at night
sitting alone
keeping company
with a juice pouch
and some pop-tarts
the lights are off
nursing my pride
admitting that
I have given up
trying to wait
is something I can't do
and promising myself
sleepless nights will help
starving myself
has gotten old
and I'm still
sitting alone

Sad eyes singing a haunting melody,
words on paper spelling out her tragedy,
drowning in tears and cigarette burns,
her sorrows screamed out through desperate lips.

Choking and coughing, lungs collapsing,
the world feels like it's ending
and she has nobody to run to,
her ****** wrists pouring out her soul.

Angry at the world for everything,
she opens her heart to show me something,
tragic tales from her memory,
opening up the world of the lost.

Kiss, touch, fingertips brush.
On stage, off stage, in the shop.
Night time, day time, even show time.
A kiss, a touch, and fingertips brush.
Whispers, laughs, photographs.
Sitting, standing, laying down.
They kiss, they touch, their fingertips brush.
On the couch, in the bed, even on the floor.
With him, with her, or with them both.
We kiss, we touch, our fingertips brush.