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Jenna Jul 2017
I was never one for cliche love poems
about how he makes my heart burst out
of my chest, or how his smile can ****
the demons inside of me. I never wanted
to write about how he makes flowers
grow in the bad parts of my brain
and how forever was just a word
used so casually, but now my forever
is wherever your forever is. I never
made plans for my future, certainly
not ones that involved another person.
Everything in my life was temporary;
people, clothes, the weather, food, everything
had no meaning. Life was something lived
day in and day out. I was never one to write
cliche love poems until I met you...and now
cliche love poems are all I can seem to write.
something I drafted..
Jenna Jan 2017
Another sleepless night
another night spent staring at my ceiling
checking my phone
rolling over
staring at my ceiling
checking my phone
rolling over
My eyes are tired but they will not stay shut
Im having a hard time slipping into REM.
REM is the stage of sleep where you start to dream.
I think my mind is not letting me go into REM
because it knows I will dream of him.
I will dream of him hugging me
and looking at me as if I was
his whole wide world.
I will kiss him and we will
go home and watch documentaries
on drugs, and I will be bored
and he will look at me
and turn the tv off
and ask me what I want to do
and just before we get to the bedroom
I wake up.
I look for him next to me but he is not
I remember he is gone
and tears slip down my face.
I am having another sleepless night
It is 4:30am and my body wont let me
slip into REM
My body is protecting me from
falling in love with you all over again
I am so ******* tired.
Jenna Dec 2016
Right now there are 11 empty bottles of alcohol on my floor
It's fine, I'm fine
I always wondered why people drink.
I never liked the taste of alcohol
But right now, being drunk is the only thing
Getting me through the day.
When I'm drunk I dont remember things like
You telling me I felt like home
How my laughter cured your sadness
I try not to think about those things
Because it makes me
Really
*******
Sad
I set that book you gave me on fire.
It was filled with poems about you
And us
And love
**** love
I miss your laugh
I remember this one time I slipped on the grass at Austin's and busted my ***
And you stood there laughing at me. I got really mad but now I wish we could
Be that comfortable again.
That oversized sweater comfortable
I hate nostalgia.
I don't listen to our music anymore
Because it reminds me of that one time we drove 40 minutes to pick up drugs
Your anxiety was so bad but you told me I calmed it.
You told me I felt familiar and you were glad I was there
Driving my car feels strange without you in the passenger seat
Your jacket doesn't fit right anymore.
It's like it knows something changed
You changed
Sometimes I wish I drove away
I hate nostalgia
And right now there are 11 empty bottles of alcohol on my floor
And i didn't find you at the bottom of a single one
im really ******* hurt.
Jenna Apr 2017
It hurts to breathe.
Every inhale is a burning
sensation in my chest shot up
to my throat and then my eyes.
Next thing I know water is spilling
out of my eyes and your name is
regurgitated out of my mouth
like stomach acid. I have never
hated hearing my name until I
heard it from another person for
the first time in months. The future
seems a whole lot scarier now that
you arent a part of it. I am broken
I am torn, I am withered away by
the empty promises you made to me.
You promised you wouldnt abandon
me but thats exactly what you did
Because of you I will never love again.
Because of you I will never trust again.
Because of you I am broken.
Jenna Dec 2016
You made C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C43H66N12O12S2 taste like C2H60.
My heart beats faster when I look into your eyes than when im on C17H21NO4
I dont know who I am without you.
Without your laugh
Or your hug
Or the way you look at me
Looked at me
Your name just popped up on my phone
And my heart stopped beating
Lungs stopped breathing
Head starting pounding
Whats wrong?
What isnt wrong?
I wanted to type out everything ive been feeling since you left
Like how I dont sleep anymore because youre in my dreams
And I cant bear to lose you again
How im sitting in class trying not to cry
How it isnt working
How I want you back
But wont say i miss you
How im biting my tongue
How im bleeding
How its all over
Over
Over
you broke me..
Jenna Jan 2017
you can never start something new out of something old.
reintroducing yourself pretending to have never met before
doesnt actually happen.
from this moment on you will have awkward encounters
and forced conversations.
You'll sit at a table and pray that he comes over to
talk to you on his break but get let down
when he leaves with another girl.
You'll plan out a conversation with him that will
never happen just in case.
You'll miss him and wonder what hes up to
while he doesnt think about you.
You'll wish things went back to the way they were before
and will have to accept that they wont
no matter how much you try.
Its hard to see you.
Jenna Apr 2017
THE FIRST SIN:
The first sin you commit is when you meet
his eyes for the first time and your heart
falls to your stomach. Your hands and lips
fall loose, blood rushes to your cheeks.
The devil stares back at you in all of his
glory and you are parched for a taste of his
religion.

THE SECOND SIN:
The second sin you commit is when you
talk about him with all of your friends.
You're going to try to convince them that
he's good for you and they won't agree,
but you were never going to listen to them
anyways. He's sitting inside your head
with his fingers plunged inside your brain.

THE THIRD SIN:
The third sin you commit is when you
stand in front of the mirror and scold
yourself for what you ate for dinner.
You're never going to fit into that dress
that you brought specifically for him to
like now, are you?

THE FOURTH SIN:
The fourth sin you commit is when you
sacrifice your standards to meet his. You
like the attention that he makes you beg
for, because you have convinced yourself
that nobody is going to want you like him.
You are a victim of desperation and
loneliness and he acts like he has never
felt either of those things.

THE FIFTH SIN:
The fifth sin you commit is when you
become an addict. All you ever think
about is him. You'll wonder if he thinks
about you too, already knowing the
answer. You'll try to master the art of
analyzing his behavior because he works
like a cycle. The thought is going to bother
you, but of course, you're going to ignore
it because your addiction will blind you.

THE SIXTH SIN:
The sixth sin you commit is when you say
that you love him. You don't. What you
feel is not love. What you feel is toxic.
What you feel will lead you to break,
because love is not meant to bruise you
more than it is meant to treat you with
care. Sharp edges of his teeth are piercing
apart your skin and you're still begging for
him to kiss you, don't you get it?

THE SEVENTH SIN:
The seventh sin you commit is when you
admit to yourself that you were never
good enough for him. He has abandoned you 500 miles from home and
the love you thought you felt for him is
spilling out of your mouth like *****. He says
there is no hope and he is done with pretending
he loves you. You'll spend all day and all night
shedding the tears that you should never shed
over a boy and with one last gaping breath of air
you will say you cannot live in a world that he is not a part of. You'll eventually tie all of the sins together to form the worst one of them all, abuse to yourself.
how the **** could you do this to me?
Jenna Jan 2017
this is not a poem.*
this is a textbook covered in
scribbles and crossed out versions of
our love.
This is the music festival we met at
only the opening act is the fight that
ended it all.
This is the restaurant we had our
first date at, but the food is the spit up
promises you made that were broken.
This is your house. The house we had our
first kiss, but its empty, without a single
trace of us left behind in the floor boards.
This is you.
This is you telling me you love me
then ******* my best friend.
This is all of the hateful words I wish I could say
This is me still being in love with you
This is you not caring
and me pretending that I dont
This is the beginning
and this is the end.
Im still not over you and I wish you would come back.
Jenna Mar 2017
You shove me to the ground and say
"open up baby this is what good girls do."
I'm only 17 years old.
It's pitch black outside and this is when the monsters come out from under the bed.
When will this nightmare end?
The abuse that happened years before is regurgitated in my mouth
and I spit out my innocence
he tells me he'll take care of me
but I dont need to be taken care of
When he is finished with me he stands me up
and I brush the dirt off of my knees
I cant get the taste of regret out of my mouth
How did I let this happen a second time?
I dig my nails into my skin in hopes of feeling something
but all I feel is his hands wrapped around my neck
this is the end.
Jenna Nov 2016
poetry loses its grandeur when you realize there isnt a single combination of words that can make someone come back.
its been 5 months, 3 days, and 16 hours since you left
and im still trying to figure out the reason why you abandoned me
I have this theory though, you see maybe I was more of a home than a person
and since you never had a permanent place to call home you ran
when you got comfortable.
my friends still ask me why I care and I say I dont and Im over you, and this, and everything
but then I find myself checking your horoscope before mine, hoping to find pieces of me in it.
Im starting to relate more to that old motel off highway 54, you know the one everyone drives by but never stops in to stay for a bit.
and I think thats when I realized poetry loses its grandeur when there isnt a single combination of words that could have made you love me back.

— The End —