She lost herself in the
Music
And she got lost in the
Words
These were her few
Escapes
That no one had
Heard

She tried to mumble
Softly that she was in
Need of some help
Because when you're so broken
It's hard to find yourself

She lost herself to the
Cutting
And don't forget the
Purging too
She fell on the way from
Hitting herself
And now she's stuck there too

No one can hear
Our sad, small cries
Maybe if we just started
Screaming they would come
Rushing to us in surprise

I don't want to loose
Myself in this old world
I want to push away my demons and
Leave them all for good

I just need a helping hand
Because I feel so blind
I've lost myself to this old world
I have lost my soul and mind

So guide me back to the place
Where I first lost you
Maybe that way I can find
Where I lost myself too

There is a point
Where kissing my scars
Telling me I'm beautiful
And telling me to stop

Isn't enough

I'm not a project to fix
It's not something that
Goes away over night
It won't just be you who stops it

It has to be my decision too

When I was young
I promised myself
To never turn into the monsters
I saw on the glowing screen

But years pass by
And the promises we've
Made ourselves fade away
And we roll around in our broken dreams

We bathe in sadness
In guilt and shame
We swallow lies society feeds us
How we should behave

Perfect lips and ribs poking
A thigh gap and straight teeth
Tall and lean
Tan with no blemishes

These are the ingredients
For a perfect body to fit
Right into society
And to be happy

The promises had
Nearly slipped through the
Cracks in this fragile thing
We've named 'life'

I've forgotten my own
Oaths I've made
I'm sorry younger me
You would be proud

When I was younger
If I was shown what my future would be
Maybe I would have tried to change
Or slit my wrists to prevent the inevitable

But this is my life now
This is what I've become
I don't like what I see
I'm not having any fun

I don't quite know how
You knew but you did
I was about to cut up
When you calmed me down

You called me asking if I
Was fine, and I whispered
"I'm not" into the phone
And I started to cry

Thank you for knowing

Anticipation is dissolving
My already thin patience

I am excited to ink
My body and dim the old lines

Painting a new story on the
Canvas, writing over the old

The old words on my body will
Still linger there

But fade will the scars
And my memories will blur

And my new story will be magnificent
I can promise that

High school will be
The best four years
Of your short
History

But they are wrong
To state these lies
To fill our head with hopes
Just to let them die

It is more like four years
Of mandatory Hell
In small little rooms
With small windows
Where you are told to
Sit and stay
Behave and be quite
Don't speak your mind
Tolerate your peers
Do as we say with no questions asked
Grades are everything
Forget your social life
Your happiness
Mental health and
Well being
It will not matter

High school is beyond
Describable
For I cannot put torment
Into words, it is undefinable

I don't want to feel anymore
And I don't think I could
Even if I wanted to
Even if they say I should

I physically cannot bear
More mental pain
I receive enough hurt
From my own brain

So drowning out the feelings
And cutting off the ties
Is all that I can do
To try and survive

Day by day passes
But I barely feel a thing
The world seems surreal
I'm not sure any of this is happening

Maybe it's all an illusion
Just some ****** up dream
Maybe my reality is
Not quite what it seems

Because when I slice into my
Arm and watch the blood pour out
It looks like I'm cutting paper
And heightening all my doubts

My doubts on my family
My friends and the sky
The trees that sway around
They seem to wave good bye

Well I wave bye to you, reader
Because this just might be it
This might be the last of everything
I think it's time to quite