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My façade does not show
what nobody knows.
I feel deeply. People don't get that I fake a smile. I hurt like everyone else. I just don't show it.
 Feb 2014 Bailey Crawford
Morgan
I dreamt of all the friends I've been missing
The ones I couldn't stop
from getting swallowed
by the sand
from the hour glass
sitting at the edge of
my dresser
The ones that became
victims of my endless hours
of essays and double shifts
The ones who sent text messages
that got swept beneath emails
from professors and managers
The ones who dialed my number
while I was in the shower
too many times in a row
and gave up
before I could answer
The ones who knocked
on my door while I
was away

The ones who will always
smell like summer
when I think of them
And the ones who will
always have a locker combination
in my memory

I dreamt of their hands
on my shoulders
and their laughter
warming the cool air
around me

But I woke up

in my bed

All alone

in my own home

Feeling terribly

**Homesick
i don't know why i bought them
i just did
like my brother and sister i set it alight
ablaze, like my lungs, and i try
i try so hard to be like them
and yet everything i do in life sets us apart
they are so alike, the trio, the children,
they are so alike, and yet i am exiled.
Perhaps it is age, and perhaps it is the boy
Perhaps it is because he blew me away
out of his life, just like the smoke
and now only the smoke comforts me
and the heat keeps me warm
for nobody could
 Feb 2014 Bailey Crawford
Emily
You want to find me at my worst?
Go back a few years, and find a fifteen-year-old nothing
With infinite depression and thoughts stuck on repeat,
playing the same suicide song over and over
As you watch her slowly transform her legs to scar tissue
Please tell her you've noticed she's not eating

You want to see me at my lowest?
Watch me lap up the blood after bathing in blades
When you search for the places that my mind visits so frequently
It will truly test a flexibility
that not everyone has

You want to know me at my core?
No, you don't
Curiosity is not the same as desire and
the darkness would only blind you
I'm too sweet to show you the type of insanity
most would cringe in disgust at
And honestly, at the end of the day, all I'm left with are notebooks and razors
Just ten minutes after I'd revved the engine
I was only nine miles away from the love of my life
Day dreaming of when we’d met just eight short months ago
Soaring at seventy down that country road
Only six more miles until she’d be in my arms again
Five years ago thoughts of love would have seemed so far out of sight
Yet four times I've already proposed, “too soon,” she’d always say
Amazing how in three seconds your entire life can change
With just two tires there’s little room for error
When one blew out I hit the asphalt, hard
In a wreck like that there’s zero chance I’d survive
One hour later the ambulance arrived at last
EMTs pressed two paddles against my chest
Shocks were delivered three times
At the hospital doctors performed four operations
Five months I spent in a coma
Followed by six months of physical therapy relearning to walk
In time all seventeen broken bones had set and healed
It cost me eight grand to buy a new bike
Now nine years later I’m still riding, fearless, wife on the back
The tenth time I asked, she finally said yes

— The End —