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I know my affection for her is something that could be mistaken for lunacy
My urgent yearning may seem desperate
I’m infatuated with all her actions, approaches and bold tendencies

What do you think?

Can’t you see?
Passionate insanity

I strive to be her guiding guardian
Her undeniable beauty

Even when she’s leaving and a trail of hopeless anger blended with frustrated disgust follows
Because I know she’ll be back and she knows I’ll be here waiting

All of my soul
All of my life
All of myself
All of my love

All of the times
And the tell tale signs
This girl is rare
As we stare fondly into each other’s hearts
 Dec 2013 Ayllon Chalif
Lizzy
Drink one
My eyes grow heavy
I sit in a fold out chair
In the corner of the living room

Drink two
I zone out
To the sound of the rest of my family getting riled up about who knows what
I want to join in
But then again
I don't

Drink three
Things start to get fuzzy
My words slur
I decide to join in after all

Drink four
It's probably a bad idea
To say whatever comes to mind
Laying on the bathroom floor

Drink five
This was supposed to be fun
Not a nightmare
My sister cries into my cousin's arms
As I laugh to myself

*Blackout
The jagged teeth in my flesh,
is this what you did to the rest?
**** and twist till my flesh tears,
grab and pull out all my hair.

A cannibal, you rip me to pieces,
and I'm here hoping the pain ceases.
Dig deep into my chest till you find a heart,
pull it out and take it apart.

You're an animal, a cannibal at heart,
tearing apart poor souls,
and swallowing them whole.

Reach deep into my chest and squeeze,
grab my lungs and make me breathe.
Rip out my organs and rearrange them,
then send me on my way.

Send me far away,
far from home.
Somewhere to roam,
and be alone.

Don't let me see your pretty face again,
I might rip it off.
How much did it cost,
the mask you wear?

You're an animal, a cannibal at heart,
tearing apart poor souls,
and swallowing them whole.
Copyright Barry Pietrantonio
 Dec 2013 Ayllon Chalif
Amber S
let’s pretend that my flaws are my
best qualities.
that you’re dependable, and your
shoulders will not shake.
let’s pretend i didn’t swallow his
nectar.
let’s pretend the marks upon my scruff
originated from my
callused fingers.
let’s pretend i can only ***
with
you.
that your spit wasn’t scratched upon
her pale fat thighs for almost 2
years.
let’s pretend that my lungs are steel,
and my ribs are made of
diamonds.

so if you wanna kiss me tonight,
kiss me hard so i can taste your
mistakes,
with a touch of plasma.
choke me until i’m on my knees,
confessing my sins.
hot like peppers.
cold like the snow we fell in.

we can never return
to that
night.
I come from two places
They are both quite cold
I am from two niches
One ancient; one old

In both my homes I am a beast
Two different breeds and I must feast
I wear this coat - it keeps me warm
You may ask me if I change my form
I have these teeth - they're made for a carnivore
I am their leader; I am their arbiter

I was birthed with two different eyes
One is keen - the other wise
Do not trust how things appear
I have walked this earth for many years
From conception I couldn't help it; they cursed me
It seems like I will forever be thirsty

Remember, I can hear you
Remember, I don't fear you
Remember that I didn't ask for this
Be careful, I may endear you

I have picked my pack but I travel alone
I sleep all day in this hole that is home

To show for what I care
My teeth will soon be bare
With my pupils almost drawn
My "humanity" will be gone

We are not the lovers of dogs
We are not the lovers of coyotes
We are the lovers of wolves

We are not the lovers of humans
We are not the lovers of warmth
We are lovers of the cold

Behold - my heart of stone
So onyx; so bold
Why do you think I have half a heartbeat?
Part of me is dead while the other is breathing
So while the moon is waxing and waning
My body takes to its slaying
And atheists - they will be praying
Is this game too sick that I'm playing?

We are not the lovers of dogs
We are not the lovers of coyotes
We are the lovers of wolves

We are not the lovers of humans
We are not the lovers of warmth
We are lovers of the **cold
 Jun 2013 Ayllon Chalif
Amber S
open up my lungs,
set the soiled insects free,
the water is boiling,
and the vapor gathers too quickly,
too much.

“we are mortals”
are words no twenty something wants to hear,
i would like to think i’m some greek goddess,
frolicking forever and ever,
loving until i am drained
(but i am already, darling)

once i knew a woman who closed herself up.
i think i am her now,
i see lemon fangs instead of pearly whites.
i seek adventures within myself,
to find roads with tumbleweeds and empty
ideas

i wish i knew how to stop,
because my skin is frayed and tattered,
from your yanking and feeding.

i wish i knew how to be beautiful,
because that is all we want in life,
and i keep looking at my blood vessels,
“beauty”
yet i see none.
 Jun 2013 Ayllon Chalif
st64
peace
please



private property..
intruder hurtled over
seeking who knows what
screaming obscenities

perfect pitch..
find little solace
but by going within
hide well beneath veneers

possible perfection..
but with one
so* very far away
loss near calamitous

pardon presumption..
get over discomfort
pick up sad face
work with it

passable poetry..
may reveal a layer or two
if the inner eye ready
shove preconceived away

puerile pretence..
try to prove points
only to efface the truth
lose bits of the light

petty prisons..
all just deadly excuses against living
get locked in by the self
unlock the cell, throw key away

please..
peace




S T, 12 June 2013
when we expect nothing, we won't be disappointed :)
 May 2013 Ayllon Chalif
Ivie
I stare at the blank page for a while
These choking words wont spill out
secrets,locked in my throat begging for mercy
Sinners are the not patients looked with empathy
Drown me in anesthesia so i blur out
shadows like smoke drifting up and up till they are wrangling my neck,
                                                           ­      my lungs bleed,i cannot speak
Darlin,look ate me trembling in the tornado,stuck in the eye of it
Lucifer where are you when i need you?
You promised me eternity,**** tell me im not that naive
My parted lips still burn from that kiss
I lit fire to my soul, i sinned,for you,for your love
This treacherous,murderous,venomous heart breathes for hell
This ***** tonic claiming my lips,like you possessed my heart,im afraid I'll spill for im only a human
Where the **** are you when im shattering?
  Where
           Are
               You?
 May 2013 Ayllon Chalif
Ivie
I call you 7 times,
It’s my lucky number, wishing you’ll pick up this time
It keeps ringing, and I can see the shadows of doubt reaching for me, crossing the fine line
You finally pick it up; I heave a sigh that I didn’t know I was holding
I tentatively ask if your free, my heart flutters against my chest
In can hear you say “I’m not, I’ll call you later?” its question, uncertainty clouding your sharp voice
I wait endlessly, like a lover patiently waiting for him to return safely from Afghanistan,
He never does, she never calls. And so the night falls.
A sharp blow against my rib cage, desperate reminder that I’ll never have it back
Hopelessness has replaced the bone marrow, in my carved bones
You carved my bones, inscribing your smile in it with the Swiss knife I believed you kept under
                                                           ­                                                                 ­your pillow, like my heart
it’s my fault, my eyes not very telescopic, wanted the golden sun, they didn’t tell me it’s a fireball
I hung expectations from the empire state, you have permanent ache in your legs,
You gave up the idea of the view, I don’t blame you
Old friend, I won’t call you 8th time, my bones have started singing in your absence
I’ll take this as my queue to escape, for I never wanted to be a verse, I wanted to be the chorus.
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