I am jolted awake.
Sweaty and confused, the truth of my world sets in.

My nightmares have become my reality,
and i'm ashamed to admit i was awoken crying your name.

Not even metaphorically, I legitimately cried myself awake.
I was not aware it was possible for sadness to transcend through your dreams in such a way, and i'm forced to let the wave pass the best i can.
I have never woken up with the confirmation that you
truly are gone,
and i mean nothing to you.

My dreams are now strictly you fulfilled by the world and others,
meeting new people to replace me,
while i scream your name into nothingness.

mehh
come back please

For the first time,
I have a thought I cannot share.
A life desire my heart was excited to share with you.

The future is not the adventure it once was.

The crack was practically audible,
with every hour came a new fracture.
The ceiling fan mocks me as old pictures gleam from any place
my impulses can project them off of.

I think there is a fifth sense when it comes to these kinds of things,
where silence is more telling than really anything.
Though this is a feeling i have felt before,
it is much different this time.

Past me did not know love like i do now.
It's funny to say that though.

First time i fell, every inch of me was certain it was forever.
This time i was much less naive,
and did not believe that to be the case at all.
I knew better.
With such a safety net you would think this would be a walk in the park, yet it is inexplicably worse.

I now watch him slip out of my fingers,
and though i want to fight i know i should let it go if it does not want to stay.
I only wish i knew how?

Both your presence, and lack of, drains me.
there is no point in fighting anymore,
you are now like the rest.

You turn a blind eye to your discomforts,
and i find no reason to continue
to be disappointed by you.
You now join the army of the silent,
never being bothered enough to care about anything that is not
directly related to yourself.

I guess that includes me now,
and i will take your lack of interest as means of goodbye.

I will not wake you from you slumber to remind you to care,
for it is inauthentic and temporary at best.