I had loved him
Through the darkness
Past resentment
And beyond
The missing pieces.

As I bent before him
I choked
Tears coming forth in overflow
My heart no longer
Whole.

The truth is
He stopped loving me
So long ago
That I begged him
endlessly
Not to let us slip
Not to lose me within this void.

You can’t reason
When the world crumbles
You can’t hold ruin
With trembling hands
Expecting words
To mend
what
Has been lost
And left behind.

I cry in secret
silent sobs
  shake me.
Tears roll     quietly  
and fall
    wasted
around me.
Leaving a taste
of disdain
from showing
weakness.
I resent
what you
have made me become.
               Damaged
Beyond repair.
Ill never expose
     the impact of you
crushing me.
.....repeatedly.....
I cry
in secret
quiet sobs
   shake    me.
You will never have
        the satisfaction
of seeing me cry.
Or the realization
of how           badly
you have broken me
               into pieces.

I took you out of notebooks, so that my heart could heal. Had to stomach the reality, that you were never real. 

Pens once lost on pages, now crinckled on the table. Happily ever after, just a twisted fable. 

Erasing you from my soul, burned history marked with pen. So that I may forget my past, and attempt to begin again. 

I scribbled out old verses, I had yet to complete. Leaving behind our memories, ruin laying at my feet. 

What once was love filled margins, with cursive bent askew. Only to find that with time, my poetry is tainted with the poison of you.

When I look at him
I see
my past and my future
Time paused
by dreams that once
came true
stars that still glint
with endless possibilities
of infinity.

When I look at him
I see
my heart
a piece of me
forever beating
within his chest
a gift given so long ago..
With out him
I can never be whole.

When I look at him
I see
a stunning masterpiece
an abstract form
of beauty
that still
after all these years
brings me to my knees
and steals my breath.

Shame woven into me, to escape the things I've done. In shadow it reminds me, it's a battle that can't be won.

Fingerprints along the walls, that match my very hand. It holds to gently or grips to tight, and lost is the magic sand.

Were where you all that time ago, when I needed strength the most? Now my past self haunts me, like the lingering of a ghost.

Never is there a witch when you need one, to cast a magic spell. Circles drawn and cauldrons bubbled, when I saved myself from hell.

He mentioned my favorite book in bed,
reading my thoughts aloud,
and stripping me further.
How easily I fell for him.

Misplaced is this part of me,
I can no longer find.
Tossed bedside earrings that fell carelessly,
becoming abandoned in bedsheets.

I dream of him less now,
fading knowledge that his body,
once fit so perfectly with mine.
His eyes carry so much depth,
that I couldn't discover reason.

Distance fills this gap,
so I tuck it away into corners.
Swept emotions into the closet,
pushed away with missing him.

I must love the wrong way,
always knowing,
he wouldn't stay.
taking the most intimate part of me offered,
I stand here,
between space and silence.

Sometimes I think his scent lingers on my skin.

Scars impossible to erase no matter how hard I scrub.

His need for me always urgent.

Firm forceful hands always taking more then I want to give.

The secret is pain can be such pleasure..

Making love to monsters in the dark.

Eyes closed and gasping.

Physical need overwhelming,
and fireworks nowhere in sight.