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Marina May 2019
No one hears me
and I've chosen this
I am an empty house
no ideas
no sounds

inside the empty house
the words echo
a cavern bellowing to be let out
to be heard

there is nothing to hear
there are no thoughts in my empty house
no heart to break
no closets to hide in

the windows are boarded
and the door is locked

but if you thought to knock
you would see
that in the empty house
there is me
Marina May 2019
You say equality
you tell me from your gilded pedestal
where the sun is ever bright
and the rain only drizzles
that I should weather the storm

You say equality
but equality isn’t a borrowed suit of armor
nor is it a sword and shield
given with the confidence that I won’t be able to wield them

you say equality
at this point
I’m not sure the word has any meaning
I can see that your persistent obstinance
is the sum of you
Marina Mar 2019
Can you breathe
the air is gelatinous around my popping ears
the light reflects off of endless new vistas
sparkling aglow
Marina Mar 2019
Keep your head above water
try to breathe without breathing in
kick and thrash
feel your fruitless struggles
slowly drag you further
and further

Take a last breath
it takes like salt
and the completeness of dying
Marina Mar 2019
hold my hand
is it cold?
I get cold sometimes
why do you speak?

you must know that I will say to you
how my hand will feel
yet you poke at the beast regardless

and try in vain to feel the warmth of my hand again.
Marina Mar 2019
I sit in the car
exhilaration sits on my tongue
the desire to spill my secrets is a buzzing ecstasy
the heady feeling of laying my soul bare
its intoxicating

“I think I’m bi”

Said with a dismissive air
as if the past three years of deliberation and crisis
count for nothing more than a thought

you seem confused
you pause
suddenly the exhilaration fades
and something cold takes its place
curled up in my chest like a weight
You tell me that I don’t know yet
its normal to think girls are pretty
it doesn’t mean anything

you’re trying to be kind
I can tell
you tell me I don’t know yet
you leave a space open for the future
I grasp onto it

years pass
I’ve been kissed
I’ve loved
I’m ready again


“hey mom”

Suddenly I can’t finish
dread snakes through my system again
the words sit perched in my throat

you look at me expectantly
I bare my soul again


“you know that I’m bi right”
Hope flutters in my chest
I’ve said it and I’m sure this time
I can back it up now
I've been sure for seven years

And then you pause

and my heart breaks

somehow you manage to repeat
the words I dreaded
a circle of platitudes
stepping carefully around the word

Confused

“you haven’t experienced anything yet”

No

“one day a man will sweep you off your feet you’ll see”

But I was so sure

You smile kindly
you laugh gently
as if you’ve given me harmless advice
as if you haven’t crushed me

I look away and pretend that I still exist
venting
Marina Feb 2019
The world I know is cast in blue.
The shadows drip and collect in puddles of navy,
and on your face
the low light leaves its cyan fingertips in the contours.
A parking lot as it sags in its colors
the sun slinking slowly away is washed
with pale teal straining against the magenta sky

There was a baby blue dress,
with little white shoes
and a little girl proudly wearing them.
the world was purple before
but that little dress always found its way in
the frilled socks and little sapphires
innocent satin and organza
and the little powder blue rose bud
right over her heart

Your hand
a frenetic figure on the rough, worn softness of your seat
for a breath,
the Prussian of night is bathed in fire
your hand becomes a different creature
warm and golden
but like all things, it passes
and you are blue once again

she is singing
somewhere beyond the cool baby blue walls
her voice fills your ears like the rich hot chocolate in your throat
if you were to venture beyond your walls
perhaps pull apart the barred midnight curtains
and let in the sky
you would see a world bathed in crimson
a swirling fire high above.
For now, you swallow
and drown out the warmth with other sounds

your curtains remain drawn

— The End —