maybe i want pain
because i am good at it
like wallowing
and going through a cycle
of fear, sadness, anger, empowerment
re-discovering myself
finding my own joy
done it so many times that
it's expected
so
when you offer me another kind of joy
i hang my head and don't answer
and you think
whatever it is
whatever conclusion you come to
i don't know
i don't give you anything
pretend i'm having a good time
until you get sick of it and leave
and it's too late
and the suffering is cold comfy familiar
always

He said that I was the day
And you were the night
You nodded, I was flattered
But then
You were unprepared for my sun to set
The darkness behind my eyes
Full of galaxies
You would not allow yourself to see
Friend of mine
Let me revel in your light
Let yourself dance in my darkness
I didn’t know how to say it
So you pulled back in disdain
Afraid to see the mysteries unraveling in me
Said I was weak
For weeping
‘Cause you were born with
A steel throat and steel behind your eyes
Life is a blaze
You thrash through the world
Believing so strongly that you are in control
Unattached
Iron beneath your skin
You wanted me to be light
You wanted to take a feather
From my wings
To brush your skin on mine
Take it with you into the black
So unprepared were you for the sunset, the galaxies, the dancing
That I may not be flying above you
But sliding beneath
Ever soft, in love with my own night
You are afraid to accept all that I could give
Will never see my sunrise
‘Tis a shame: how lovely it will be!

I am delivered by
the girl in the pink overalls
smiles of danger
glimpses of roses

grab yourself a glass and
find a seat
we got work to do

unbuckle your seatbelt
I am learning how to live
without a ****** up mind
I am learning what it is
to be well-designed

jeweled eclipse
a hole that splits
the universe rips
into pieces
patch together
the folds your t shirt
shoulder sleeve holes
tender skin
leave again
the seasons change
you are so bright/I cannot see your shadow
leaves somersault
into darkness
your chair is empty

inside of his stomach
there is a furnace
but you don't notice it
when you put your hands on him
you feel only a dull warmth
which you mistake for
blushing
someday I will accidentally see
the pain in your eyes
I will not recognize his face behind them
only feel a jolt of nostalgia
if I could only find you now
take you by the shoulders and tell you
impish smiles are not worth it
and you're better off
unless
you're
different
how can I love that for you

there is blood
all through the inside of your body
red and
wet and
bright
each cell a message
carried carefully

majesty of mine
raise your bejeweled head
let me live you
the ocean of my eyes will shimmer
with the pearls you place there