She is too kind to me
And never seems too careful
She must think I am cut even
She must be blind to the stripes behind my hair
I forget the dark locks that crown her lovely face
She does not ask me any questions
But gazes
Will address two topics
Two only!
The mountains and the shut-down
She is too familiar
She is too close to saving a part of myself I thought was lost
All the work to retrieve it alone
But quick smiles are so enticing
I could give into it
Let her take me to coffee
Ground the space behind me
I don’t really want her
That voice so easy in my head
They all say she speaks in sweet music
I could learn to depend on coffee
But I am not lost
(Perhaps)
But she is shaped like the other one
I thought I’d lost

The words have left my head
The words used to slide through my fingers
Now I simply sit
on a blue couch
Thin spread velvet, with strips of dark
Shaggy beside me, warm and white
The fluff of his fur, morning delight
I sent my sister links to dresses
Fashioned by snotty-nosed children
And class is done, class is over
And four hours to go and class is over again
And work is over, and work comes again
I dream of airplanes
Thrusting into the dawn air, at first cutting a line
Like the ten of swords out of the sky
Then curling, wings falling over themselves
Somersaulting into clouds, cold and white
Cumulus fluff, morning delight
A pilot, in control and out of control
And in control again
Always curving, sailing, glinting
Occasional apprehension of fatal mistakes
Fatality, fatality
Life sliding out of you like the words
Paint me sky blue with dark strips
Dress me in white fashion
Somersault me through the sky

My backside hugging the grass cushion
His face above mine
Flushed like a child

Quick motion
He somersaults over my stomach
Landing awkwardly on the other side

Distracted boyish grace
Has my eyes closed
Has me frozen, like the seed I lay waiting

When I awoke
In the back of his car
I closed my eyes for
The fifteenth, hundredth time
Was afraid of splintering supernovas,
Smashed metal
Was afraid for my body
Was afraid of the heat center in my chest
Watched the rain watercolor tones of grey
On the car windows
Encapsulated, fetal
Wound still raw
Body shaking with affection
Trust and damp windows
Mellow and trust
Trust and music
Grey-toned streaming
Grey-toned banner way
Unwashed hair
Tender smiles
Car ceiling
Promises

I close my eyes and sit up almost straight enough
Count to four and eight and seven
Slowly sink to the wider blacker bottom
Feel butter soft and pleasant
And ask if I really deserve to feel
Sink into bliss forever and forget

Good morning I’m a visitor in your world
Do you even have mornings here
I didn’t mean to intrude
What are you doing for the greater good
What are you doing for the greater good

Nothing so far I’m doing nothing
But sitting and not listening
And not listening for most of my days
How do I help them, all they do is change

A certain time was allotted to him
I took all his harsh qualities and embodied them
I’m selfish and insecure and sorry
It’s okay it’s okay honey don’t worry

What are you doing for the greater good
If they sit shoulder to shoulder all the wars end
I can and I will and I would
Be a better me and a better friend

We have only a short time
We have

Star street Mickey Mouse
lemon balm ice cream jellyfish in jars
Distance Hollywood
Feed the homeless skip the bars

She finds a sidewalk square claims it her own
And we come back years from now
To assess it
Menus on the boardwalk spend too much
We’re stressin