I know there is no hope
but I don't believe it
I know you will soon be gone
but I don't believe it

I love you so much
but I don't want to let you go
I will miss you so much
but I don't want to let you go

I know I will see you again
You will soon be free
to roam the mountains
and fly over the water

You will soon be able to rest
and be in peace
I Love You Donna
and will miss you everyday

Completely worthless.
wonder why you’re still here
How can you still be here when you have no purpose
Failing to please even yourself
every time.

Why
Why are you still here
You can’t find a reason to go on.
But you sit there and endure life anyway.

I don't want to see you smile anymore.
It reminds me of a time when you used to make me smile,
When I used to make you laugh,
And when I didn’t know you would break my heart.

4 pills to wake up
2 to fall asleep
Days blur together in this world

4 breaths to live
2 cuts to die
Its all over from here

it's raining again.
the pitter patter of the rain
is like my heart rattling in my chest
constant.
its raining again.
when it rains, i think.
dont we all?
dont we all become pensive when we look out
the window
to see rain
it's raining again,
and when it rains
i'm reminded of you.
i smell the muddy ground
and the worms. the smell of rain is so distinct isn't it
strange.
i went from talking about you to worms
i wonder why.
when it rains
my hair gets really frizzy
you used to like it when it looked like that
but now i just put it up
when it rains.
i look outside and see the rain drops on my window
fall so slowly,
i watch one descend, and as it does,
it picks up more and more little guys
to become a big drop.
a super rain drop.
until it explodes on the window sill.
i watch this over and over again
until i realize i forgot about you
and my frizzy hair
but then i remember i remembered.
it's still raining.
i wonder when it will stop.
although,
if the constant pitter patter of the drops ceases,
does that mean the rattling will too?
no.
rain and me are not one.
we used to be.
it's silly the things you think when it rains.
it's raining again.
i keep thinking.
it will stop.
it will stop.
but then it doesnt.
those poor drowned worms.
i hope they can swim.
you were a good swimmer.
oops.
there i go again.
worms to you.
the rain is slowing.
i listen
i hear crickets.
i realize my hair is hurting
up like that,
so i take it down.
and then i realize,
thanks to the crickets,
i think silence
and forgot about
the worms.

Dust.
Keep it in my back pocket, keep it low 'n ready.
Grab a handful, a grubby fistful, when you need it.
A desperate need.
Need it like a gasping breath after swimming in the dark deep
of your own thoughts.
Need it like a lover's glance, or calm words after a storm.
When the need takes you in,
you'll tremble and shudder
like leaves or sunlight.
When the need swallows you, you'll know.
A deep down know, a bone stilling know.
Your soul will rise and fall, lifted and crushed
like shells and hopes.
And then you'll rebuild, picking up
little pieces and big pieces and heart-shaped pieces.
Discarding.
Cataloguing.
And you'll know.
You'll know that you took a handful and made a world.
You'll know that you did your very shining best, that you
fell off of every cliff and tripped down every flight of stairs.
That you broke and shattered perfection
into what it was meant to be.
For today, you destroyed beautifully.
You gave need a want and want a need.
What is needed...
What is wanted...
Hope? Courage? A bit of faith?
Or maybe love?
These are things that sink or swim.
Will I sink or swim...
Today?
Tomorrow?
In  this world where you don't know
what you need or what you want?
There's only one thing you can know
and cling to in this life of waves and currents and storms.
You know there's a glimmer. A bit of dust.
And you know that you're not ready to stop swimming yet.

Copyright Morgan Graham October 8, 2012.

I was thinking about diners and non-fancy things.
Like morning breath and not having to do things.
People with day jobs behind marble desks
Staring at clocks
Looking their best.
And 3am Ihop, and highways
Lying on the floor and sitting up cause you need to laugh.
Drive to the riverside
Plastic bag of burritos
Those little styrofoam cups filled with heaven
and cinnamon.