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I'm tired of running.
I'm sick of trying.
I want to stop crying.
I don't know why I keep lying.
I can't keep living.
I know I am dying.
My time is ticking.
My God I'm denying.
 Mar 2014 Audrey Illena
LF
Its been years since your fingertips
Have lived on my skin.
Months and days since my taste
Has been on your tongue.
It feels like a lifetime since ive woken up
To your smiling face , or fallen asleep to you
Whispering quietly in the dark.

Why does it feel then, like only yesturday that i lost you?
I swear time has slowed to a crawl since that day,
I watched your mom cry as we both said our goodbyes to you, grasping each other ,
Clinging to the only person who loved you as much as I did.

I had packed your things away ,
And as hard as i tried ; the smell of you
And your clothes wouldnt leave our closet .
For a while i masked it as much as possible ,
Till standing breathing you in brought
Me comfort.

I went to visit you today , it bothered me
To see Your life narrowed simply down to
Chiseled cursive in stone reading
"A beloved son and brother " .

It made me want to tell everyone who you were
About the things you did that mattered;
The time i knew you ,
The dash between the dates .


And on the first warm day ; every spring ,ill feel you;  with brand new flowers budding ,
I have peace of mind knowing
There is always a new start , even after the harshest of winters.
 Mar 2014 Audrey Illena
Alyssa
You.
Why is it
always you?
 Feb 2014 Audrey Illena
D Conors
i want you if
even for the
shortest moment
of time
even if knowing
our hellos
will also be
goodbye.

i want
you

to hold me.
D. Conors
06 july 2010
 Feb 2014 Audrey Illena
Alyssa
I AM TRYING TO STAY AFLOAT
BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE THE TASTE OF WATER IN MY LUNGS

FIRE AND WATER ARE DANCING IN MY BELLY LIKE ARMAGEDDON

DO THE MARINES TEACH YOU *******
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE DEAD

I WATCHED FRANK DIE IN FRONT OF ME
I COUNTED WITH THE EMS TO 30 FOR EACH COMPRESSION
AND THEN I COUNTED HOW LONG IT WAS
IN BETWEEN THE SOUNDS OF ELECTRICITY
TO THE SOUNDS OF HANDS POUNDING ON HIS CHEST

I WATCHED THEM TAKE FRANK AWAY
I COUNTED HOW MANY TIMES MY MOTHER PRAYED
18
MY MOTHER PRAYED 18 TIMES
I COUNTED THE MINUTES IT TOOK FOR MY BROTHER TO DRIVE HOME FROM COLLEGE
IT TOOK HIM 42 MINUTES
BECAUSE IT WAS 12:30 IN THE MORNING
AND THERE WAS NO TRAFFIC ON THE HIGHWAY

I'VE STOPPED SEEING PEOPLE
ALL I SEE ARE PUZZLES

I'M ONLY SHOUTING BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT GOD
HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO HEAR ME LATELY

THE WORST OF THE WILDLIFE
WEARS CLOTHES AND CAN PRAY

WE ARE ANIMALS IN MAN SUITS
BUT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME YOUR MASKS

NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE ANYMORE
LIFE IS AN ENIGMA
BUT YOU TOLD ME TO STOP SOLVING PUZZLES
WITH THE PIECES MISSING
Running hearts
Wandering souls

Reality left alone and ignored

Passion is blinding
But love binding

Grace calls from the path
And warns of wrath

Troubled hearts run if you must
But  you shall surely return to dust
Romans 6:1
 Jan 2014 Audrey Illena
Douglas
We glance at each other shortly, waiting for one to start
I would say something, but I can't think over my pounding heart
Small talk is common, questions are ordinary
But where are the conversations,
The deep thoughts we keep for each other
The detailed explanations
The feelings that so precariously hang from our hearts
Are we so scared of rejection, that we fall apart
Do we become so infatuated with a feeling that we do not dare risk loosing it
Or is it all too familiar
Giving our feelings up, letting someone play with them
Then ripping them out and throwing them on the ground
Confide in me, I will not let you down
But will you do the same - in this thought, I drown
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