Anytime I smile in your direction,
I see it spread through your body like a
******* infection.

And that makes me sick, to affect you that way
I want you to live, get lost like a stray.

Anytime I touch you, on accident or purpose,
it's like your convinced waiting for me,
is worth it.

And that makes me sick, to affect you that way
because I don't love you anymore, I don't want you to stay.

i have no idea why i continue to torture myself with the thoughts of you touching someone else. i think about it
over
and over
and over
and o
              v  
                     e
                           r
again
i don’t know why i choose to think of the best parts of you, the best parts of us, when you asked where the knife was and i told you the kitchen. (not thinking you’d use it on me)

i feel like i’m losing grip of things. of myself. and over and over i choose to think of these things that hurt me most.

no beautiful words for me today
i’m just sad

i want to stop wishing you were here. i want to stop trying to figure out why i couldn't make you stay. i want to stop wondering if my brown eyes were too brown, or if my short hair was too short.

i need to stop wishing you were here. i need to stop trying to figure out why i couldn't make you stay. i need to stop wondering if my brown eyes are too brown, or if my short hair is too short.

i'm okay by myself, and i tried my best to make you stay. i have my mothers eyes, and i love my short hair.

so i'm sorry if you come back home and the front porch light is no longer on. i'm sorry if you call and my number is out of service. i'm sorry if you miss me and you can't find me.

because you took so much from me.
and you bent me, but you didn't break me.