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Aubrey Jan 2015
The fibers of my being were imploding:

a sudden descent into internalized vibration at incredible speed, shaking loose the atoms and sending waves in and through the space of everything;
the perpetual now becoming so intense and real
and unwelcome
in its familiarity.
10/29/14
Aubrey Jan 2015
Seems my M.O. lately to flit away
a frightened wing
but the metaphor fails me.
Fear is not the word.
Intimidation comes closer.
Toying with phrases like
"meant to be,"
and
"creating reality,"
has left me only less jaded than
"God's will."
Maybe I should have heeded my own advice
and stayed simple a while.
I made myself a hypocrite,
speaking those words
before I could have known
they would one day be true.
How I spoke of myself so highly.
Gave myself all the credit-- undeserved.
10/25/14
Aubrey Jan 2015
These hills and trees shelter me
Their valleys and shadows, comforting.
The fog fills in
it's covering,
healing these roots
and making them real.

I see them sleeping here between three places...
and my heart tells them,
"Your dreams are mountains
climbing high into the wispy clouds."

The seasons are changing.
The cold night is frost bite
to the balmy day.

I feel expanse in this beauty.
10/18/14
Aubrey Jan 2015
I was always a pirate,
but I cried when my mother made me apologize
mouth sticky with taffy
standing, chubby and head hanging at the register.

Fast forward about 15 years and the bag was full before I came in...
sort of...
with each five-fingered purchase,
I flattened filling and raised awareness.

That '86 Royalle Olds' might as well
have had a Jolly Roger on the break light.
Those lawn-lovers had no idea; the gnomes stood no chance.  

The refrigerator in that apartment was a shelf of empty bottles.
My mouth was a shelf of angry urchins;
prickly, and poisonous.

Age made me less salt than ore
and I tried to love the land
with fervency and fear.

Clinging to the pews, the fat lady did sing,
and sing, and sing,
but not the ending.

Once you earn the salt-sailor's badge,
there is no convenient way to dress it up,
but boy does it make a good story from the pulpit.

I can't boast of robbed riches or daring escapes.
My ships were sodden floored and taking weight.
My homesteads, still, were fractured living.

So, no, instead of calling the name a fate, I'd rather gloat.
Raccoons, clever bandits and plunderers they are
do not make excuses for their nature.

They are who they are,
and I...
am a pirate.
Aubrey Jan 2015
you have married me
married my spirit
called it to life from death
and bound it to you
flaming
hot
waking each limb
sensation
thought
vibration
atoms in unison
singing the cosmic rotation
"You make my life a love poem."
Aubrey Jan 2015
Dread,
excitement,
like the
adventurer,
or the train-hopper;
that sleep-deprived,
hold-open-one-eye,
I-need-a-warm-bed-and-then-cof­fee
feeling.
Used to being given just enough rope to dance the gallows.
The textile burn is nostalgia.
Makes it easy to forget.

Surreal
and
serene.

Maladies are not cast about like celebration announcements
and apologies are not confetti.
The bribe cannot be taken.
No longer a burdened beast, the bit and reign are testament under foot.
There was no choice.
There's left none now.

Sinew gripping bone,
I fly into the storm.
Aubrey Jan 2015
I get an itch sometimes, and the keys won’t do.
That muscle memory is more fresh
than the long practiced
pen in hand.
There are times it can be sated with a brush
Or some other act of color.
But the prickle for the pen
Creates appetite
gratified
only by
The scratch of the paper.
The ball rolls and glides
with ease it swirls around sweet letters,
Or flies swift and hard,
digging grooves in the surface.
The paper is my skin
And I tattoo with nostalgia or vengeance.
Like therapy,
Like masochism.
An assignment.
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