i have experienced love in a past life of mine
but the skin on my bones has changed since then
long lost are the memories of lips on lips
the heat of another body close by
my face has aged
my hair is cut short
but alas i have grown anew

you know the saying ive left claw marks on everything ive let go
well ive left no claw marks behind
somehow ive ended up empty handed,
all my pieces on your side
you asked and asked and asked
ive never been able to say no
ive dipped my toes into life and i have drowned in its sorrows
i give and give and give
ive never been able to say no

honey drips from her lips
as sweet nothings come from her mouth
eyes interlock, hers with an innocence of gold
one touch from me and
i would leave a handprint of ash

nothing will look the same between me and you
the light angles and shadows differ from our perspectives
what i see as hideous
could be what you see as immaculate

Chipped pink nail polish and dirt caked on your hands
Running around with your imaginary best friend
Scraped up knees with a big bright smile
I wish I got to stay a kid longer

my head is pounding
my eyes feel heavy, light flashes
like the blue and red on cop cars
i want to close my eyes and never wake up
i long for what i cannot do
how can i sleep when the firing of gunshots sound through my skull

conflicting thoughts keeping me up at night
i don't think darkness has ever been this welcoming

i feel repulsed by your touch
do you just want to use my love for your selfish needs
what do i mean to you?

what happens when you loose control of your avatars
when they become an entity in and of themselves
who am i and which version of myself am i
switching through to find which persona i want to wear
tearing myself apart from the inside out
what am i doing and what have i done
so many lies I've told, what isn't one
I'm losing who i am
can't tell which is truly me
someone help me get a grip on reality

decaying roses sitting in a vase
astonishing words come from your pen but your lips are stitched up
you make me have butterflies in my stomach, at display at all times
it seems like I'm an exhibit; please stare straight through my ribcage
sipping slowly on some nice red wine
a picnic during a thunderstorm
your glance shoots through me
like the harsh strike of a lightning bolt
your kiss on my neck leaves dark purple bruises
tracing all the way to my pursed lips
your puppy dog eyes and my ever so fluttering heart
please, just tell me what you want
do you want all this to be directed at you?
force my hands, tell me what to do
my attention time and heart
all
taken up
by you

I'm having chest pains, it's getting harder to breathe
i can't believe i let myself do this to me
stressed beyond belief, i can't handle it
I'm going to explode just like a bursted blood vessel
soon my heart is going to go into cardiac arrest
the beeps on this machine could be a rhythm due to its irregularity
everything gets so bottled up, the pressure is too high
its absolutely terrifying to think that one day we're all gonna die