why do i miss someone i never loved
all she ever was to me was a distraction
now it seems like she's more of an affixation
am i just jealous?
envious even?
she has a life
that i just want to be in
i could just chalk it up to lust
but then again she might think the same of me

on sunny days i think
of the taste honeysuckle on your lips
the warmth from the sun illuminating the gold from your hair
the feeling of the wind rushing through your hands
pure bliss and serenity

i used to feel so alienated and not be able to express myself at all
then i started taking meds and i can't stop
I'm pouring my heart out into my work
soon there will no blood left for my heart to pump
i write about my pain and suffering
letting the blood pool around the bullet wound in my head
too much is gone, to little is left to hold
i feel like i won't have much longer in this palace
with old gothic architecture and a sad gloomy storm
will the sunny days soon come?

now whenever i smell sweet pink sugar perfume it makes me sick thinking of how you go around poisoning people with your touch, making them believe they matter to you even though you just wanna get drunk off their love

you decide I'm not good enough for you
giving me bad marks but it's all up to you
call me out but don't let me speak
you make me plagiarize but won't let us sleep
your class is a joke you make me go insane
please stop telling me what to do
i literally want to scream
stuff it down my throat it'll help drown out my words
no matter what you'll do i won't ever keep them down

my heart is beating way too quickly
and i feel like I'm asleep
there's no way for me to see that
this isn't just a dream.