What a waste of time
Spent drooling
Hopelessly
My eyes, drowning.
All the lights
Closing in
And darkness occupied my vision.

Blood shot eyes
Burning
Is this really living?
Resting
My eyes permanently shut

And what will it take
To keep me awake
For a simple second

Fumbling finger tips
Lazily tripping
On the mapped out seams
Of my factory sewn dress

And I am left
Vacant
Swallowed by the *****
And the rain
Sea sick of the games you play
I stared into your eyes
And I looked so defeated
Has life finally caught up with me?

A cigarette
Feels so warm
Like a hug from a friend
And you feel like you belong
Finally
I found where I belong
Cigarettes,
Memories kept
All my secrets
Are left on cigarettes

Beautifully dressed
A painful kiss
So long, Goodbye,
My love.

Who knows when she will get better
Because I certainly do not.
She is the greatest friend I've ever had.
How did she get so mixed up?
I don't understand why she thinks she is worthless.
She is worth so much in my eyes.
It scars my heart every time I see her cry.
And what was it worth for him?
Does he even realize what he has done?
Please explain it to me slowly,
Was it worth all her pain
For your "trial run"
For the half-assed marathon
That you never even finished
It's bone breaking how much she was torn apart.
She fell into love
And got dropped off,
Left,
And forgotten.

I am always losing things
Time, money, love, friends.
Nothing is sustainable in my hands
Nothing is forever
Even my personality is temporary.
My mood is always changing
Because some people really **** me off
And my friends make me sad
The only consistent thing I have
Is the ability to breathe
And even that is hard sometimes.
I just need some solid ground
And a steady beating heart.

Elements
Of art
Of Nature
On a periodic table
Pure, holy, individual
An organic form
A silent rain
Two hydrogen’s and one oxygen
Single yet united
In some shape or form

All of the leaves
Change color in the Fall
There is so much individuality
Spread across the tree tops
But you are a flower
Slowly beginning to hide
And shelter yourself from the light
Winter will come
And your heart will grow cold
Stiff, numb, and wilted
One lonely lost soul.

The birds will fly
Towards a brighter, warm sky
Always chasing the sun
Never wanting to be stuck
In the dark place again

You are the sun
A devious God
Perceived as a wonderful
Beautiful sinless form
But you cause the shadows
You cause the dark

I am the moon
A hopeless light
Reaching out for a lost soul
Wandering around
Helpless and confused
The soul wept alone
Quietly and emptied her last breath.

I fell deeply and madly in love with you
My heart crashed on the ground
And bleed out with passion
I can feel your warmth
From miles away
If I close my eyes
I can see the colors
That make up the sky
And I can see your colors
Drifting closer to mine
And our bodies connect
And our colors blend
Into one solid illuminating
Explosion of lights
I can feel the universe
Bursting within me

I need our magical colors to be magnificently reunited and collected into one solid illuminating body. I want to have all of the beautiful words pouring out of me as if I were the words and the beauty. I am one solid glowing mass of energy and its exploding out through my bones and I can feel everything. I am everything.

Last nights tragedies
Weigh on cigarettes

A rush of a million causalities
Beyond anyones comprehension
A stirring emotion
Pulsing through and through
These aching limbs

Violent swaying
Thrashing towards the skin
A broken body
Lies deep within
Gashed but still moving
Their heart is slowly beating
A sad, hopeless beating

A struggle to hold onto
The light that is up ahead
A weak limb mightily
Wastes the last bit of energy
It once had

Crumbled now
The body is leaded
Stiff and ******
Simply trashed
Towards the ground.

All the birds and the bees
Wouldn't wait for me
They are all singing
Happily
I am waiting
I am naive

I tried to climb
To the top of the trees
But I quickly lost my grip
And fell
Fast
And hard
My bones shattered
And scattered
Into one million shards

Once the day reached dawn
The gleaming light shined
And seeped through my skin
To repair my bones again.

There you were
Right in front of me
Smiling
Your heart beat clawing
Through your skin.
Mine, mimicking yours
Our hearts are in sync.

Look at her elegance
She draws you close
And with one simple smile
you have lost all hope
She had other intensions
When she let you in
The angel who once
Loved you
Cried tears of blood
You poisoned her
You made her dark
All because of the
Weakness of your mind
And heart.

I now understand how paper beats rock
Because I am a rock
I am strong and unbreakable
On the surface
But when I am hidden from everything
I quickly breakdown
Into a big lump of nothingness

Whiskey has become my new obsession
I drown and drown in its meaningless stinging
I am lost but always found
Drowning somewhere beneath the ground

The whiskey burns within me
It is coursing through my blood
My heart is beating one last time
Before I crash to the ground

Whiskey has become my best worst enemy
Its always ready for my cries
The bottle fits my hands so nicely
I cant resist its alluring smile
Such tragedy
That this bottle of whiskey
Became my best friend

Last night was full of hope and desire
But then I started to cry
Because even the greatest things have flaws
And guess what? You are mine.

Suffocation is the lamest form of death
Weakness of the heart and body
I am sick and tired of you suppressing me
Wake up and smell the ashes

All these problems
Run deep within my bones
A crooked skeleton
Can never be mended

You are no surgeon
Just an arrogant fool
Who thinks they are superman
Or king of the world

I am breaking down your mind
Tearing it to pieces
And re-arranging it to fit my individuality
Stop suppressing me
I may be weak but I am growing

I woke up
In your bed
And you were not there

I can smell
The stale beer
In my hair

The last thing
You said was
"May I kiss you" And,
I must have let you
Because I can still
Feel it's presence
The sweet, soft embrace
Of your delicate lips

You don't know
What I would do
For you

You don't understand
How I feel
When I am
Around you

You don't feel
They way I feel
And it hurts
It really hurts

And in that vacant lot
There is a beckoning bright light
That drenches and weighs
On everyone's shoulders.
Then everything was shattered
From a Siren screaming, lonely,
Looking for someone
And the sky cried for a new life,
A new beginning

While everyone hides
The Siren sings at night
Hoping to catch a lover or two
But hope has not yet reached her
And her head sinks

Now the Siren weeps
And waits for a kind soul
Who will comfort her eternally
Because she knows
Deep down
She is not alone.

I am alone.

Getting to the point
When I can't stand
Myself and I
Don't know what to do
I physically can not move and
No one has a clue why

There's nothing left
To keep me numb
Because the weight
Crushing my lungs
Suffocating my dreams
Until I cannot see

I get to the point
When the moon
And the stars
Spin around
Me and myself
And all the light
Bleeds, it bleeds
Through my tongue
And all of my words run

There is nothing
Left to be
I was myself
I was not me
I became the demon
Who drowned me
In my sleep.
I was once
Innocent but I
Lost the keys
To my hope
And reality
I lived in my dreams
Which became nightmares
And all I did
Was sleep

I get to the point
When the moon
And the stars
Spin around
Me and myself
And all the light
Bleeds, it bleeds
Through my tongue
And all the words spill
Out my mouth

I don't know what to do
I physically cannot move

Two morons ago
I was dead
But now I'm here
In this musky bar
Waiting on something
Waiting for something
To happen
Two days ago
I was alive
I was living
I was in the city
I was happy
But now
I'm struggling
I am dead
Inside and out
I'm here
In this musky bar
Drinking my sins away

I wear the mask of a stranger
To try and find myself
Quite frankly, I can't breathe
When everyones staring at my back

I've been dying to ride
But they are holding me down
I've been trying to hide
But they keep coming back

I wear a smile on my tired face
I'm tired of trying and hiding
From every single tear

I am tired of running away
From all my fears
Of myself and who I am

I've been trying
To find
My home
A place to call my own
My dreams
My passions
My desires
I've been trying
To find
Me

My eyes burn
from the pain of myself
I wish I were brilliant
witty
and thin
I want to stop crying
at every bad feeling
And I will walk away
with the ounce of self confidence
I have kept
in the back
of my heart

Claustrophobic, I am clawing
At my own skin
Suffocating from the image
Of the body I was given
My swollen eyes shrink
The view of myself
Trembling  hands
Gently throw back a drink
Which then became two
And my shallow body collapsed
Never to awake again.

Teenage wasteland is right.
What a waste of time
Dreaming for the future
Which betrayed me in the end
All that time spent crying
For all the things I didn’t have
Wasted for the problems of real life
I spent most of my teenage years wasted.

Now I know why sin tastes so sweet
As humans, we don’t know the difference
Between bad and good
We have been pushed down to nothing
Constrained of creativity
Left to fight for the golden crown

The subconscious is vicious
Somehow I thought it was okay
To let myself slowly fade away
Somehow I thought it was okay
To swallow the demons
And let them feed on me

I spent so much time worrying about body image
All of that money I saved!
Then I wasted it again
I am still drenched in sin
I survive on a chain of cigarettes

I have the privilege to think back
And remember all the fun times I had
No cares in the world
That didn’t involve myself
But now I have come to realize
Life is just a game that
No one ever wins.