years later and i still can’t let you go.
i still remember that night in december long ago when i realized i loved you, and i remember the fear i felt because i knew this would change me forever.
i cried and i punched and i hated myself for letting myself fall for you, but before i knew it i was stuck in a dark abyss with no way out, and it was far too late, so here i am.
ever since you’ve gone, nothing feels real. its like i’m stuck in a dream state, and i’m waiting to wake up one day to your arms around me and the rhythm of your breathing.
it kills me that i haven’t seen your face and been in your presence in so long.
maybe i really never will get over you,
maybe you never will stop being the reason i do the things i do,
maybe there never will be an us again,
but you will without a doubt always be my last thoughts as i gaze into the pretty city lights and the twinkling stars.
a part of my heart will always be yours.
a part of my body will always be yours.
a part of my mind will always be yours.
a part of my soul will always be yours.
i will forever wait for you, and i know one day, if we ever reunite, i will fall for you all over again, and it will be as beautiful as the first time.

what you remind my senses of,

your smell: the scent of home,
your touch: holding ice for so long that it burns,
your sight: teenagers in the midst of their temporary happiness of youth, oblivious to the pains life can bring,
your taste: rose water after having a mint cigarette, always leaving a cooling sensation,
your sound: listening to cars passing a highway on a rooftop while listening to the 1975.

you will always be connected to my world.

Today
As I opened my eyes
I realized my body was aching
I felt empty
Like there was a hole through my chest
I could feel the air passing through
Then
I remember all the empty words
That came out from your mouth
You gave me all the warnings
But I never cared to acknowledge
Everything coming out from you
Sounded so angelic
You took me to heaven
With every "Hello"
It is surprising
That you pushed me away
Though who am I kidding
It is my fault for being so naive
I should've not let you gaze
Through the pages of
The book I'm still writting
Regret is not for me
But if there's something I do regret
Is not taking things slower
Not reading the signs better
I felt blessed with every second of your presence
Now i feel cursed with every second of your absence
I am so thankful
For the attention
That you gave me
To me
It meant everything
To me
It was real.

"I feel so sad today, can you come over?"
"did I do something wrong?"
"what does she have that I don't?"
"how can you be so blind? how can't you see what I see in us?"
"do you think you'll always remember me?"
"am I not enough for you?"
"do you think i'm worth the distance?"
"why was our time never right? do you think it was fate or our teenage decisions?"
"do you wanna go on a walk with me?"
"what would you sacrifice for me?"
"what's kept you from not being with me?"
"why did you hurt me?"
"why don't you make more time for me?"
"why can't you be with me?"

don’t you ever think that you were easy.
you were a piece of work, a task that needed constant action, an assignment that needed to be taken with caution, but i still did it.
i still loved you.
i loved you so unconditionally.
i loved you at your worst and your best and i loved your flaws and your mistakes and i loved your smiles and your voice and i loved you when you didn’t love yourself.
i handled you as if you were fine china, fresh and clean, even though you were far from such purity.
i dare anyone else to love you in such a way.
i dare anyone else to love all sides of you equally.
i dare anyone else to love you enough to sacrifice anything and everything for you the way i did.
i dare anyone else to love you well enough to know how to handle you.
i dare anyone else to put up with you even after you’ve made them feel as **** as you made me feel.  
i dare anyone else to love you enough to let you break their heart endlessly for the sake of being with you.
whoever she is, she won’t be half of me. she may have a brighter smile with eyes lighter than mine, she may have skin smoother and more beautiful than mine, she may have a laugh more admirable than mine, she may have a body more fit than mine, but she will never have a heart as big as mine for you.