They turn even on the closest in their lives
They lie.
They are blameless.
They are "perfect".
They belittle you
They tell you youll never be good enough
And you're just a huge disappointment
They strike fear in you to make you hush
They strike you down when you refuse
But you're her child so you must obey
You're her child so whatever she says goes
And no one will ever step in to help
Because you are her child
And you must obey...
Your mother
The Narcissist

It feels like your being drug under the water
So deep
Then the pressure starts getting to you
Until it feels like youre gonna explode
Then they start ripping and tearing
Until your blood is everywhere
Then they let you float to the top
Just to do it all again

Im tired
Just ******* tired
Tired of doing everything
Tired of keeping everything together
Tired of nothing ever being okay
Tired of not having someone to hold
Tired of being such an irrelevant *******
I wanna ******* matter
I wanna have a place to ******* stand
I wanna be able to be loved
I wanna be able to happy

Im the one who goes without
Im made to fein
Im made to deal without
I give up what little i have for certain people
But dont i deserve something at all
Just a little something
Nothing big nothing too fancy
Just something
But i just hace everything taking away from me
No one seems to notice
Im the one going without

For ***** and giggles
Lets pretend
Im the on in charge
Im the one with power
Over both of you
Would like these things yelled into your ear
Would like to be woken up the way i am
Would you like to feel the hole i feel
See the dark nightmares i have
Feel the pain i feel
Well would you
Didnt think so
So for ***** and giggles
Ill ask a question
Why do you both think its okay
Why would you put me through it if you ypurselves would chose not to go through it

Explain to me why he owes you
Explain to me why he doesnt owe me
Im the child
Im the one he walked out on
You left him
You both decied to call it quits
But somehow he owes you
But doesnt owe me
When he never called me
When he didnt show up to my birthday parties
He left me
Yall left each other
So he owes me and me only
He doesnt owe you
Im the one with that void
Not you
I dont know a certain love
Not you
You had a father
I didnt

They point the finger at me
They say everything is my decision
But they shove me down when i do decide
They tell me im not smart enough
And when i point out  they made me feel
As if i wasnt good enough
They tell me they didnt do anything
They say i shouldn't listen to them
They say that they were "playing"
Knowing **** well they weren't
They act like they have no blame
They all act that way
And the ***** that is suppose to be there for you
Goes along with them
And expects you to ******* be there for her
No *******
Im no longer helping you
Whenever you ger suicidal dont ******* call me
And dont try to tell me i was never there
I was always there
I was the one taking blow after blow
I even took the blows going towards you
And you never once took a blow
Dont come calling on me
Dont ever ******* come to me again
Im sick of being walked on and ****
So *******
Im done taking the blows for you
Just for you to take me for granted
I hope you see how much i did for you

See
Everyone deserves happiness
Some of us are just shoved into ****** up situations
And we have to be the ones to make ourselves happy
Yeah its hard
But not impossible
You just have to change your mindset
Quit blaming yourself
And ******* care about yourself

How am i suppose to fix us when you dont even try
How is everything always my fault
I dont know what im suppose to do
Im confused
And you wont even answer my texts anymore
I just miss us
How we used to be
We were so happy
And now
Look at us
We arent even us anymore

My mind
My body
My soul
All starved
All on the brink of destruction
But no one seems to hear my screams
My agonizing pain is getting to be to much
But no one seems to even notice
But thats life right
Its unfair
Its unjust
Right
Thats just ******* life

I make mistakes
Im not perfect
Sometimes those mistakes are big
And they hurt people
But i never intentionally mean for that to happen
Im a good person on the inside
If you could see my heart
And feel the pain i feel when i cause pain
Youd understand

Hes seen every part
Every crevice
Every inch of my body
His hands have traveled where no one has
So gentely he squeezed and scratched
His gentle sighs of pleasure
Along with mine
Then he whispers in my ear how beautiful
I am
How much he cares for me
And then he nibbled on my ear
Wrapped his arms around me
And continued thrusting

You never cared anyways...
No one ever does...

Physical pain: bruises, cuts, gashes, broken bones, concusions, cracked ribs...
Emotional pain: depression, anxiety, disorders, migranes....

Physical pain heals with medicine...
Emotional pain heals with medicine...
But with emotional pain there ones part you cannot heal...
And thats the emptiness you feel inside
Its always gonna be there
No matter how many millograms you take
No matter how many grams you smoke
No matter what you do
Its always gonna be there
But you do learn to live with it
And it gets easier
And soon understanding fills the void
You dont know why its there
You dont know how to fix it
But you understand that its there
And you understand nothing is gonna fill it
So understanding itself  fills it

Sometimes i feel as if
You hate me
Im really sorry that i disappoint sometimes
But i when i try i feel like you push my further away
I wanna be close to you
I wanna be able to have a connection with you
But i dont feel like you feel the same

They told me i was wrong
They told me i need to shut up
But at the end of it all
I knew
That i was right
And they just couldnt handle the fact i put up a fight
And every word that feel from my mouth
Was truth
And they didnt like that

Im sorry
Im trying
But nothing is going right
But im still here putting up a fight
For us
Im losing you
Im scared
My mind is a blur
And your difting further and further
I can no longer feel your warmth
Your comfort
Its all leaving
So are you
Im begging you
Just to stop
Think about this
I love you
Im sorry
Im trying
Please give me time
Stephen youre all i got
I love you

These are the days im gonna miss
All these late night phone calls
Just because i couldn't stop thinking of you
All these long texts trying to explain my feelings
All these emotions racing through my brain
Trying to find someone to numb the pain
Failing hoplessly
But still having enough in me to get back up
Yeah these are the days we are gonna miss
When we are old and sitting alone reminiscing
These are the days we are gonna come to
All these long texts
phone call
Pains
Gains
Fail
Victories
All of them
Im gonna miss them

...
     Escape maddness
             Screams the mad man
                     Who knows no insanity
                                            ...

Their growing
Longsr and longer
Under the worst circumstances
We still try
Trying to carry ourselves everyday
Knowing that these miles are killing us
Making the us feel more like you and I
These miles fill our heads with assumptions
Every night we argue
I feel like everything is being faked
These miles are tearing us apart
We thought we could do it
Now im fearing that i put my all in again
Just for miles to take it all away

They're just *******

Maybe i wasn't wrong
Maybe it was you
Maybe we shouldn't have tried
Maybe we should have just let it end
Maybe we shouldn't have pushed
Maybe you shouldn't have screamed
Maybe i should have yelled back
Maybe i should have gotten in your face also
Maybe i should have been the one to put us to rest
Maybe
But ill never know

They play
They joke
They have fun
While i sit just a room away
And cry
And they dont even notice
And no one will ever know
Its all apart of this
This crazy cycle
I get sad
I go some where alone
Let it out (just some of it,dont wanna gwt hysterical)
Then wipe it away
And go right back to the battlefield
Thats all within 5 minutes