I am so afraid
nobody can love me
as deep
as profuse
as so gut wrenchingly massive
as I love them

I am so scared
you are going to stop loving me
because I’ve fallen out of love
and I thought love was a choice
I didn’t want to fall
I fell so hard my chest burst open
and maybe I felt free
maybe he wasn’t the one for me
what even is the “one”
I believe there are many ones
for many people
and I want to be your last one

I know a cloud means precipitation,
       male seahorses give birth
a bear goes into hibernation,
       and a train can reach 150mph

But how do I know if I still love you?

I’m not sure how we arrived here.
Nothing feels right.
The whole Universe is screaming.
I’m pleading your love
And I am empty.
I have nothing else to give but my love for you.
You’ve made promises to me, promises for a new life, a house, a marriage.
But we aren’t ready yet.
Will we ever be ready?
There are consequences to every choice.
I know the choice I’ve made, do you?
I chose you.
                                  You.

I want that You. to turn into Us.
I want you to want me the same.
When your fingertips trace my skin I lose all inhibition. Nothing matters in that moment but 
                                   You.

This is Us, and I’m pleading.

I'd melt into you if I could
Completely dissolve into your chest
Pass through your skin
Glide past your ribs
Reach your warm heart
Find myself a chasm
Between your tendinous chords
Where I would stay
Safe

every time our bodies become one
         I fall deeper into you
I wonder if I'll have anything left
         if you ever decide to leave
but for now I will melt into your organs
         and hope you'll stay

I hate that
no matter what you'd do to me,
I wouldn't have the will to leave.
I hate that
your touch scorches my skin
and leaves me aching for more.
I hate that
I'd give everything up for you
because I couldn't handle myself without you.
I hate that
you are welded into my heart
and I'd never be able to pry all of you out.
I hate that
I'm completely vulnerable to you
like a half dead animal in sight of a vulture.
I hate that
every fiber of my being screams,
"I love you".
I hate it because I am at your mercy,
and you can choose to stop loving me.
You're capable of leaving, I am not.