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194 · Dec 2019
You got this?
Ashley Rodden Dec 2019
You got friends who got friends who got this
You don't need anyone anyhow
So, I don't come around no more
******* in keeping score and now I'm gone
On your own, been feeling all alone?
And I ain't never going to come back home
It's all in your head, staying stuck in your head
Taking those handcuffs off because here comes another one
You got friends
Got nights that got time for wasting
Got lines that burn when you say them
And got songs that play when you play them
Go, what are you waiting for?
Show them the world is yours and take it all
You're not on your own, don't have to be alone
Got that medicine to catch you when you fall
I could be the one who got away
Or could I be your biggest mistake?
192 · Mar 2019
Never Be Complete
Ashley Rodden Mar 2019
What do you think about when you look at me these days?
I know we're not the fairytale you dreamed that we'd be when
We took each others hands and dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before our scars and secrets were brought into the light
Now on this hallowed ground
We've drawn our battle lines
Will we make it?
Its going to take more than promises this time
Only we can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together...?
Bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Maybe healing can still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
How lonely it gets by your side
When you're busy building kingdoms and chasing dreams
You're letting love get left behind
Now I pray our broken hearts can realign
And that we don't give up this fight
Will you still choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are?
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
But don't you still hear me when im calling?
Will you still be there to catch me when im falling?
Don't you see I am yours, I am yours
I'm the eyes that see your sin and still
look on you with love and watch you rise again
Your voice calls out through the rain and  calms this storm in me
All work and no play has left us lost
But still moving full steam chasing the American dream
And you work and you build with your own two hands and you pour all you have into a castle made of sand but now the wind and rain are crashing and time will tell just how long your kingdom will stand
Another wasted weekend and we're slipping away
Whoever dies with the most toys wins but if we lose love what have we gained in the end?
I'll take a shack on the rocks over a castle in the sand any day because
All I really want is you
We are broken together but
Your love is still extravagant your friendship intimate
No greater love I've ever known won't you capture my heart again?
Please don't let me go
I'm not the  only one who fails
We know every line by heart by now but only together can we really fall apart
Can my love ever be enough to make you stay?
Is there such thing as a love that never dies or fades away?
All the uncertainty of tomorrow, the pains of yesterday
There is still hope if we just believe
Its a slow fade when you give yourself away when black and white turn to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price always has to be paid
People never crumble in a day so
Be careful ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise the end is always near
Be careful lips what you say for empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
The journey from your mind to your heart is closer than you're thinking just when you think you're standing you find you might be sinking
I try to find a new way to tell you, or someway to show you what you mean to me but there's nothing new and I exhaust myself searching
what else can I do?
I find myself empty and face down not having you to cling to
Needing of love only you can give I am humbled and broken at your feet
I stand amazed at the work of your hands
Maybe brokenness is what we need in the end
Just hold me in your arms I know you've come so far to find me
You were fighting and fearful hiding your heart away
But I've been trying so hard to show you because there are no words I could say
If you could just see my heart then you would know all I want to do is care for you
It was my love for you that brought you so far to find me
Hold it all together everyone needs you strong but life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you hanging on
So when you're tired of fighting chained by your control there's freedom in surrender just lay it down and let it go
You're not alone just stop holding on and just let me hold onto you
If your eyes are on the storm you'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are set on me you'll know I always have and always will
Not a tear is ever wasted in time we'll understand
We're painting beauty with these ashes
Love is in our hands
In the storm is where well find each other so come to me and find your rest
And maybe we're broken but maybe our love is meant to be that way...
190 · Mar 2018
Here and Now
Ashley Rodden Mar 2018
Here again trying to feel
Anything other than numb
Waiting to know when
I get to go back to normal again
Lonesome, broken, misunderstood
Not strong enough to stand
Reeling thoughts, tired mind
On my own just trying to be fine
Scared, dieing, crying
For a relief I never seem to find
Someday this pain will fade
And I will be whole again
Until then I need a friend, need to feel, need to feel relief
Defeated, ashamed, sick
Trying to find a reason to hold on
Because I don't want to be here
Alone, cold, unwell
Incomplete in the here and now
189 · Apr 2018
Caged Beast
Ashley Rodden Apr 2018
I find it funny how your heart doesn't work, and that tattoo on your chest spells hurt. And how predictable. You're just another shark who smells blood, trying to figure out where love sleeps and **** it like it has to be stopped. I don't see the reason in your logic, I just understand the plot, and if I don't find it out, I swear I'm going to pop. Just another meal for the vultures, picked into pieces and buried under the boulders. Until the last cracked bone is found, I'm just a victim with my soul torn out of me and shot to the ground, without the glory. Broken and that's the way that you like it with the war horns fired up, and I should have asked you what you wanted before you flashed me those fangs

What did you want from me? You're knocking on doors trying to wake the beast. Head full of thorns, you want to settle the score.

I've been living in this winter you've provided me. Eating all the pages of this history inside of you. For what? I've taken all the pain I can, and plan on jumping off this ship before I lose it and never know who I am. Before this vessel ever gets in sight of land, I'm going to dive into the waters underneath it and take my chances until it drowns out. You've got a perfect way of killing me, an angel in appearance with a smile like a guillotine and I don't think that you can ever change. Pain is your nicotine, fighting me is the flame and it stays that way. Cause everything is frozen in your steps, and this blade is a trophy for your unexpected ways, you're a monster, and I can smell it rotting in your teeth. Just hope that you can figure out what you've been looking for and finally be free.
188 · Mar 2021
Old Hate
Ashley Rodden Mar 2021
So let's face it, this was never what you wanted
But I know that it's fun to pretend
Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all we have
They're all we have left
So drown me, if you can
Or we could just have conversation
And I fall, I fall, I falter
I find you before I drift away
Now you still speak of day old hate
Though your whole world has gone up in flames
And isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing
And how safe it is to feel fake
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive
185 · Mar 2018
Long Live the King
Ashley Rodden Mar 2018
I drink the rainwater, but it can never cleanse my soul.
Painted glass on the window, it don't break for no one.
Blood runs like a river, and hope won't float when it's choking on it's last words.

Fighting everyone around me, sick of trying to get inside blinded vision of what we all think life should be.
Stop, and let all the chips fall where they may and take the earth from underneath your fragile pride, feel it shake
And when it all clears and the rain clouds fade you can stay with the skeletons hidden in your grave.

Sin, it's really got a hold on you.
You don't need to exile me, I'm well on my way.
Leaving these four walls made of matchsticks in the back of my brain.
I've learned that you don't have a single word left that you can say To make me quiver when you wave them like a knife in my face. Your king is dead.

You can rearrange these bricks all day but not a single one will ever get you outta here, or take you away.
You want a throne that can never be claimed
But don't want to take the broken crown off the power in your kingdom full of fools gold, searching for a diamond in a pile full of buried hopes.

I'm ready to be released, and how do your palms like the burgundy breeze?
How poetic, everyone wants change but won't let it, get a breath until they decide that it's ready to breath.
Believe me, that's the nature of the beast.
Break it's legs and watch it try to flee, watch it hobble out of your awful reach.
Pour it's heart out in the streets and when all of this is over, sharpen your teeth so you can smile in the mirror while the rest of you depletes.
183 · Jun 2018
Unrelenting
Ashley Rodden Jun 2018
Must this be such a constant battle
Must we struggle
and to continue to trudge
through yet another humdrum day
When do we escape an engulfing past
that haunts our tired minds relentlessly?
178 · Aug 2020
Sweet Emptiness Of Love
Ashley Rodden Aug 2020
Recalled your fears, now they become tears,
remember I once needed you
Sweet emptiness of love
It's a crime to take all the treasures that I've kept
The lock to my chest now is broken
A hypnotizing stain that drifted between our souls and melts away
An extraordinary color
Brought by cold metal on skin
It's the sweetest emptiness of love
A bitter poison is everything that I've become
And every single tear I owned has run dry on this face
Now that you are gone
I lived enough to know all the reasons why
I felt the end coming
Made a deal with death
And it gives me happy memories of you that turn into amazing horrors
Drains my strength and breath
There is nothing to find, nothing behind, only the ashes of me and you
And some cold rain drops wash us from the floor
Through these eyes the world gives me pain
Knowing the sadness, all the lies and the gain that we share
Something my touch gives to your soul, I know you're here, it's not that you love me but of what you fear
Without me you're nothing, you're just one in a million
Wait everyday inside this black cage
Hope doesn't seem to fade away
Tomorrow brings the same again
I'm a mirror reflecting your soul
The way you like to see it
It's not really there
As that little boy cries, I cry as well
Strange complexity of torture and madness my awareness brings to me
As i tried to reach you I could grab only air
I reached out for the end
Don't you ever go outside afraid of what is waiting
You said "the world is so cruel sweet baby and I'm the one you can call for help" but you know that's not the answer
'Cause you're lost and so afraid right now you feel the anger coming, and now who will you blame?
Who do you hurt now? Because you are always bleeding
Don't you ever wonder why the streets look dark and dangerous
And your room is getting smaller everyday, inch by inch its your daily torture, you don't seem to be able to live by yourself
From pervert eyes amazing sights, wipe your tears and light a smile
You are ready to come outside and breathe some life
Feel some flesh, and stop hiding, now you know how to deal with this and stop crying, these are the last tears you wept and now they run down another's face
Shattered by rain, shrouded by thoughts on a runaway train
Seeking shelter from the storm and from the pain
Another empty glass, another line, another friend, yet no sight or track, you can’t find your way back and your flame grows colder
as the night is over
Now you’re lost for following your heart
It guided you so far and you don’t know where you are, cause, baby, now you’re lost
Holding you head up high but the mirror can’t lie, it shows tears in your eyes
Sadness blurs your sight, like ether numbs your mind
If I only knew what you’d get yourself into... I wish I could
Wish I was able to save you
And your flame grows colder as the night is over, open the door to a dream
Ran the playground, found a maze you dared to enter, took a deep breath, we were just friends holding hands
Walk deeper into the green, ignore the colors as they fade
The world grows larger as you shrink, you turn around and no one’s there...
174 · Sep 2020
A reason to change
Ashley Rodden Sep 2020
They say,
People don't change unless they have a reason,
And I wanted so badly to be your reason.
172 · May 2020
Long Black Hearse
Ashley Rodden May 2020
You are the man we both couldn't stand
Can't wash off the dirt from your hands
Can't scrub off the black from your lungs
I can't get the taste off my tongue
I will never go backwards
I will never be free
You will never run faster
Will never be seen
In the wake of disaster
You are the house built upon sand
You are the thought I couldn't plan
The escape to something worse
The shadow driving the hearse
What was it like to feel in love?
Had to sink down just to be with you.
The pits of despair is where you drug me.
170 · Apr 2018
Home Life
Ashley Rodden Apr 2018
I'm finding it hard to manage
Any close relationship without
The fear I'll vanish
All of this has been hard and
I'm not denying it
I'm just writing this as a product of my environment
So please listen
They say family is everything
Its more than just a house, a white picket fence, and a wedding ring
Its blossoming life and standing together through everything
Always trying to take the people you love with you when you go
But im a prisoner in my own body quarantined from my soul
Spitting in the faces of the ones trying to show me hope
168 · Mar 2018
Depression
Ashley Rodden Mar 2018
Can't move
Try to fight but it's no use
The more I do, the lower I sink
Into this black tar pit
Ashley Rodden Mar 2021
I've been up for days,
trying to find a way to write this confession down
for what I've done, I am not proud
but there's no need to pretend, no need for innocence
just got to be honest now

The verdict has come in,
it says I'm guilty for these sins of mine
i thought I could escape, but then I finally felt the weight,
of all your crimes
it's passion, it's not love, infatuation never ends up right

Ten thousand times I have screamed
over and over for you to notice me
until my voice breaks
for all this heartache
to gently fade away

Where are the pictures, of you and me?
put aside for no one else to see
afraid of what they might say
but if my heart breaks
at least I still have your yesterday

Not everything said should be heard
some things should stay
buried in the dirt
and when there is no target for your anger
could it be that you're the one who is hurt?

So many pointless conversations
about who's right or wrong,
you or me
every mirror it hides a different reflection
and we both got faces that we don't like to see

But I'll try to find some shelter in this quiet beauty
of a silent night
when the sun has finally set
and pray this worry will finally leave my mind
where it's just me and this pale moonlight

When I think of fates worse than death
all I can think of is something you once said
we were golden, bright like the sun
and now I am stranded
knowing I was never truly the one

With an ocean of anger flowing through me
blood-stained and broken from what I failed to see
that just like a snake charmer you led me astray
now I'm living in distress
just hoping some help is on it's way

In the midst of this storm searching for shelter
i came upon one single feather
and made a half-hearted wish for something better
all the while being gracefully cursed
i thirst

Burned into these ashes and soil
i'm dyed-in-the-wool
there's iron in my blood, yet i'm still so vulnerable
but after I'm truly gone, and once my heart finally leaves
you will be left alone to the wolves and real thieves.
161 · Aug 2019
Here Goes Nothing
Ashley Rodden Aug 2019
If you want to know what i really think here goes nothing
I think you lie
I think you're selfish
I think you put your want's before your familie's
I think you idolize your hobbies
I think you have a problem with obsessing about "things" that don't really matter.  
I think you think your'e always right
And how could you not be because no one is better in a fight
You make others feel inadequate, that their feelings and thoughts are invalid.
You feel alone all the time because you have made it that way.
You run away from things that are too much for you to take
You martyr yourself about work
You chose to marry me and have a family but only when it's convenient for you
146 · Sep 2019
Black Rose
Ashley Rodden Sep 2019
And I loved you through all of your chaos
More than once I've ****** out the poison
in your veins, all the manic
I loved you crazy, I loved you mad
Your darkness doesn't scare me anymore
I learned from the best to not be afraid of the monsters under the bed
And to shine my light no matter how dim into your minds dark corners
My darling black rose, with your razor blade thorns
See how torn
You make me
But I endured the beatings as a means for your healing
Tragic romance in the end, because a black rose doesn't stand for happiness
140 · Jul 2020
Vodka Poem
Ashley Rodden Jul 2020
***** how i loved you
you were always my go to
now every time i take a sip
i just think of his lips
and how much they always adored you
and it burns my heart just like you burn my throat
***** you stole my love
you stole my sleep
you stole my peace
and my rest
132 · May 2020
Bruised
Ashley Rodden May 2020
Counting days since my love got lost to me
And every breath that I'm taking
Since I left feels like a waste of me
I've been holding onto hope
That you'll come back when you find some peace
Cause every word I've heard spoken
Since I left feels like a hole in me
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Oh my Lord, I need you by my side
There must be something in the water
Because every day it's getting colder
And if I could only hold you
You'd keep my head from going under
Maybe I'm just being blinded by the brighter side
of what we had because it's over
There must be something in the tide
Because I've been told to get you off my mind
But I hope I never lose the bruises you left behind
Because it's your love I'm lost in
And I'm tired of being so exhausted
Even though I'm nothing to you now
All I have left to remind me of our existence are the bruises you left behind
You ruined me.
126 · Nov 2019
Vodka & You
Ashley Rodden Nov 2019
I drink *****
and I remember you
I swear it's almost like I can feel you
Drinking what was always your choice of poison
Trying to **** you
Irony is what they call that
*****
your choice, my choice to numb the pain
The pain you always caused the pain you told me I caused you
The burn is so subtle it sneaks up on you
Then before you know it I'm writing poetry at 4 in the morning
119 · Apr 2020
Fairy Tales
Ashley Rodden Apr 2020
Wish I would have met you a long time ago
before all the bad things got bestowed
When I still had diamonds in my eyes and your heart was made of gold
Way before our innocence was lost
Back when I was a princess
and you were the dragon slayer I was waiting for
When I still wished upon falling stars
Before we got so many scars
Back when I was still soft and sweet
Before I became just another piece of meat
When I would pluck petals off any flower I saw
just to see if anyone would love me after all
Back when I still daydreamed and wished on falling stars...
114 · Feb 2020
Tides that Bind
Ashley Rodden Feb 2020
I see you, I hear the waves crash
I long to come to you
You're floating in the ocean of love and life
I'm here ankle deep
I want to come be with you
But the shore beckons me to stay on dry land where it's safe
I hear you calling my name, come to me, my love
I won't let you drown, I will keep you safe
The shore says stay here where it's dry and you know me
You are familiar to me as i am to you
The sand is so hot and it's comfortable
What if i forgot how to swim, what if after all this time
I can't swim with the tides
What about all those unknown riptides
What if I go under and I can't breathe
Your smile calls to me and I long to be where it is I see the sun
rise with your smile, I see the waves take your body further from me
You look so free, I want to be free too,
You dove in head first but I hesitate to follow
The shore I know, it has been my home, I've built castles made of sand here ruled by kings made of sand as well, that let me down
But, you don't let me down, you won't let me drown
The waves crash all around and i panic, do i stay here on dry ground or do i swim with you and be free from all that keeps me here without you, without love,
I've been throwing out messages in bottles my whole life
Hoping an honest sailor like you would find them and answer
This salt water stings my cuts but there's healing in this pain, I feel it and
These tides could tear us apart or could be the ones that bind you and me forever

— The End —