Ashley Rodden

Ashley Rodden Feb 2020

I see you, I hear the waves crash
I long to come to you
You're floating in the ocean of love and life
I'm here ankle deep
I want to come be with you
But the shore beckons me to stay on dry land where it's safe
I hear you calling my name, come to me, my love
I won't let you drown, I will keep you safe
The shore says stay here where it's dry and you know me
You are familiar to me as i am to you
The sand is so hot and it's comfortable
What if i forgot how to swim, what if after all this time
I can't swim with the tides
What about all those unknown riptides
What if I go under and I can't breathe
Your smile calls to me and I long to be where it is I see the sun
rise with your smile, I see the waves take your body further from me
You look so free, I want to be free too,
You dove in head first but I hesitate to follow
The shore I know, it has been my home, I've built castles made of sand here ruled by kings made of sand as well, that let me down
But, you don't let me down, you won't let me drown
The waves crash all around and i panic, do i stay here on dry ground or do i swim with you and be free from all that keeps me here without you, without love,
I've been throwing out messages in bottles my whole life
Hoping an honest sailor like you would find them and answer
This salt water stings my cuts but there's healing in this pain, I feel it and
These tides could tear us apart or could be the ones that bind you and me forever

Ashley Rodden Dec 2019

You got this?

You got friends who got friends who got this
You don't need anyone anyhow
So, I don't come around no more
******* in keeping score and now I'm gone
On your own, been feeling all alone?
And I ain't never going to come back home
It's all in your head, staying stuck in your head
Taking those handcuffs off because here comes another one
You got friends
Got nights that got time for wasting
Got lines that burn when you say them
And got songs that play when you play them
Go, what are you waiting for?
Show them the world is yours and take it all
You're not on your own, don't have to be alone
Got that medicine to catch you when you fall
I could be the one who got away
Or could I be your biggest mistake?

Ashley Rodden Nov 2019

***** & You

I drink *****
and I remember you
I swear it's almost like I can feel you
Drinking what was always your choice of poison
Trying to **** you
Irony is what they call that
*****
your choice, my choice to numb the pain
The pain you always caused the pain you told me I caused you
The burn is so subtle it sneaks up on you
Then before you know it I'm writing poetry at 4 in the morning

Ashley Rodden Sep 2019

Black Rose

And I loved you through all of your chaos
More than once I've ****** out the poison
in your veins, all the manic
I loved you crazy, I loved you mad
Your darkness doesn't scare me anymore
I learned from the best to not be afraid of the monsters under the bed
And to shine my light no matter how dim into your minds dark corners
My darling black rose, with your razor blade thorns
See how torn
You make me
But I endured the beatings as a means for your healing
Tragic romance in the end, because a black rose doesn't stand for happiness

Ashley Rodden Aug 2019

Here Goes Nothing

If you want to know what i really think here goes nothing
I think you lie
I think you're selfish
I think you put your want's before your familie's
I think you idolize your hobbies
I think you have a problem with obsessing about "things" that don't really matter.
I think you think your'e always right
And how could you not be because no one is better in a fight
You make others feel inadequate, that their feelings and thoughts are invalid.
You feel alone all the time because you have made it that way.
You run away from things that are too much for you to take
You martyr yourself about work
You chose to marry me and have a family but only when it's convenient for you

Ashley Rodden Mar 2019

Never Be Complete

What do you think about when you look at me these days?
I know we're not the fairytale you dreamed that we'd be when
We took each others hands and dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before our scars and secrets were brought into the light
Now on this hallowed ground
We've drawn our battle lines
Will we make it?
Its going to take more than promises this time
Only we can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together...?
Bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Maybe healing can still be spoken and save us?
The only way we'll last forever is broken together
How lonely it gets by your side
When you're busy building kingdoms and chasing dreams
You're letting love get left behind
Now I pray our broken hearts can realign
And that we don't give up this fight
Will you still choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are?
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
But don't you still hear me when im calling?
Will you still be there to catch me when im falling?
Don't you see I am yours, I am yours
I'm the eyes that see your sin and still
look on you with love and watch you rise again
Your voice calls out through the rain and calms this storm in me
All work and no play has left us lost
But still moving full steam chasing the American dream
And you work and you build with your own two hands and you pour all you have into a castle made of sand but now the wind and rain are crashing and time will tell just how long your kingdom will stand
Another wasted weekend and we're slipping away
Whoever dies with the most toys wins but if we lose love what have we gained in the end?
I'll take a shack on the rocks over a castle in the sand any day because
All I really want is you
We are broken together but
Your love is still extravagant your friendship intimate
No greater love I've ever known won't you capture my heart again?
Please don't let me go
I'm not the only one who fails
We know every line by heart by now but only together can we really fall apart
Can my love ever be enough to make you stay?
Is there such thing as a love that never dies or fades away?
All the uncertainty of tomorrow, the pains of yesterday
There is still hope if we just believe
Its a slow fade when you give yourself away when black and white turn to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price always has to be paid
People never crumble in a day so
Be careful ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise the end is always near
Be careful lips what you say for empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
The journey from your mind to your heart is closer than you're thinking just when you think you're standing you find you might be sinking
I try to find a new way to tell you, or someway to show you what you mean to me but there's nothing new and I exhaust myself searching
what else can I do?
I find myself empty and face down not having you to cling to
Needing of love only you can give I am humbled and broken at your feet
I stand amazed at the work of your hands
Maybe brokenness is what we need in the end
Just hold me in your arms I know you've come so far to find me
You were fighting and fearful hiding your heart away
But I've been trying so hard to show you because there are no words I could say
If you could just see my heart then you would know all I want to do is care for you
It was my love for you that brought you so far to find me
Hold it all together everyone needs you strong but life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you hanging on
So when you're tired of fighting chained by your control there's freedom in surrender just lay it down and let it go
You're not alone just stop holding on and just let me hold onto you
If your eyes are on the storm you'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are set on me you'll know I always have and always will
Not a tear is ever wasted in time we'll understand
We're painting beauty with these ashes
Love is in our hands
In the storm is where well find each other so come to me and find your rest
And maybe we're broken but maybe our love is meant to be that way...

Ashley Rodden Aug 2018

Go for the throat

He's trying to **** you
slay you
cut you down to the frayed you
wants you to be you but just not the real you
but the fake you with the plastered smile
chew up your soul and spit it out
swallow the key to your self esteem's door
take away your home
walk his walk
the walk of shame but you'll always be the one to blame
talk his talk, silver tongue
think the way he do
don't feel
don't have emotion
stepford wifey, plastic barbie
do as i say or you're ******* royally
You can't be you
Be broken with no hope of being put back together
And by the way only God can save you
And if things don't go his way look out
you'll be under his attack
under his thumb
numb
In fear,
so accept defeat on your knees
He goes for your heart and your soul
In a fight he goes for the throat
He's seeking to destroy any and all self worth
How anyone dare defy him
you're always the crazy one
no one could ever love you more
No one is better
He'll cut you down
with his narcissistic, sadistic ways
and go for your throat with words that cut
like a double edged sword

Verbal abuse hurts.