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Ashley Garreau Apr 2015
Where was I?
I fell through the sky when they all thought chicken little cried wolf
Somewhere in a black hole sun
A coin stands on it's edge and things aren't what they seem
Bermuda Triangle violently exhaling anomalies
The air splits like a wound when propeller blades start spinning too fast
Eventually we all get ****** into this perfect storm
I hear it's a place where magicians perform
Pull me out of a hat and watch the universe unravel
My heart strings wound too tight
The world collapses like a lung

Where was I?
Always dwelling in ancient libraries
Deciphering unknown artifacts
There's foreign footprints in these catacombs
All these digital files and old photo albums
Analyze, evaluate, re-analyze
Question everything
Metamorphosis manifests
And the chameleon knows how to change it's scales
The world goes off balance when Atlas's shoulders get tired

Where was I
When the sirens sounded their alarm?
Have you seen the basements of my mind?
Charcoal smeared and cold dust
Cluttered and hazardous
Climb out the fire escapes in the thick hot heat of things
Underground bunkers at Hiroshima
Salem burning
There are witches under the house
These tornadoes don't rest
because the scarecrow has a stick up his ***
Where does the lion hide?
Where does the lion sleep when the jungle's on fire?
How does the tin man ****?

Where was I?
Somewhere down the rabbit hole
Running out of time
That ferocious lunar grin
Meet me under the Cheshire moon
In that last lamp light
The toadstools tremble beneath our toes
Did you plant these mushroom clouds for us?
The mad hatter struck a match
and our house of cards is burning down
Why do my hands smell like gas?
I saw you catching ash on your tongue
I guess there's something beautiful in the way things burn
The roses are dripping red
and there's blood on my hands
The dream is gone when the queen cuts off
another head

Where was I?
Always digging tunnels in the ant farms of my mind
Dirt covers up old bodies
I leave them a rose
For paradises lost
For another lost soul
Another Eden gone to hell
Something slithered in the grass when the apple fell
Apocalypse now
But what is it about the way things disappear?

Where was I?
Where is here?
Ashley Garreau Apr 2015
Cracked, callused, and crinkled;
Tiny canyons stretch across thick fingers like monuments,
When my scabs were small islands, his were continents.
When mine skipped stones, those hands moved mountains
And hardened the way things do against time.

Those hands held my mother’s before they ever held mine.
I knew the warm furnaces of love like the roof built over my head.
Mornings always smelled like coffee and scrambled eggs
Prepared with the patience of rocking a baby to sleep.
Fingers folding like a blanket beneath tucked feet
Hugs wrapped around me like band aids.

Splintered, split, stingy and torn,
Knuckles like bark off chopped wood,
Veins like thorny twine stretch across tough tree trunk wrists,
Those hands held the world up like a tree limb holds sacred fruit.
Always scratching the peel rough and raw, opening cuts like orange slices,
Nails like a rake scraping against burnt autumn leaves,
Those hands bled like sacrifice.

Stars glistening like sweat over late night conversations,
Summers spent in the driveway playing catch and taking slap shots,
Those pig skin hands always teaching me to shoot for my goals.
“If you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.”
Things the cracks in the pavement taught me,
Practice and precision seen in life lines.

Dried up rivers stretch across worn desert palms,
Waves of weathered wrinkles rush against sandpaper skin.
Sawdust flesh caked with hurt, if I could take away the pain I would,
But I admire the slits in my own knuckles hoping I too will know
Diligence like the depths of my father’s canyons.
Ashley Garreau Feb 2015
This is the part
     where everything
                        changes.
This is the part
         like an orchid
                requires patience.
This is the part
      where the universe
                                    bends
                      ­¬                       and you fold
                                                               the paper
                                                        into
                                           flowers.
Cover me in chrysanthemums.
This is the part
        where our knees become inch worms
     under the table.
Cover me in dirt.
This is the part
      that   comes   on   slow   at   first
      then
      heavy
      urgent
      pulses
      rush
      through
      us
      adding
      impulse
      to
      injury
            manipulating
    our insides
              twisting
       folding
            contorting
  every nerve
            until they


RIP.


But the pieces don’t get rest.
This is the part
    where the lions roar
    like violets showing their teeth
    at the sun.
    They nibble the flesh
    without breaking
    the skin.
    It’s paper thin.
This is the part
    where I ball up my paper fists
    and wrestle with the tiger lilies
    while you remain at war with my tulips.
This is the part
    where we dig up the dirt
    and we ruin us.
This is the part
    where the dandelions B U R S T
    like supernovas
    and suddenly
ev-er-y
    syll-a-ble
           counts.
You said
    Everyone's b/ r/ o/ k/ e/ n in some way.
You said
    when you were young
    you saw the miracle of birth for the first time
    and you've been turned on
    ever since.
You saw life spring from the womb.
I think I saw you mesmerized by the way things bloom.
You tell me
     about your birds and bees
     like how getting your head rubbed
     at the hair salon
     turns you on.
Well, this is the part
       where I rub your head
       and turn you on.
This is the part
     where I see your dark side
     and learn the true meaning
     of the blue in your eyes.
This is the part
     where you flip me over
and tell me
"Don't stop."
I don't stop.
Why would I stop?
I can't
stop.

And
    this
         is
          the
             part
                 where
                        we
                            fall

  A

       p
          a
        r
           t.

Tell me you don't want this.

Tell me you don't want this
   and I'll leave this bed of marigold
and
    change
  my
      form.
Tell me you don't want this
   and I'll never hold your gaze
                                                          to­¬o                     l   o    n      g
                                       again.
Tell me you don't want this
     and I'll unfold myself from your side
     along with the paper flowers.
     You can take back the roses
     **** the daises
     but leave me the daffodils.
Tell me you don’t want this
     and our forget-me-nots
     will forget us
     and our bleeding hearts
     will bleed us dry.
Tell me you don't want this
                                  and I'll rewind the movie
                           play it BACK
                 from the beginning
         only this time
     we'll pay
attention.
     I'll silence the lions
     and put them BACK in their cages.
                                        I'll bend
                      the universe
         BACK into
shape.
But tell me you want this
and this will be the part
where we pick the paper petals
                                                  off  the
                                                           stem and
                                                             ­         watch them
                                                            ­                           fall like
                                                            ­                                    cherry blossoms.
                                                       ­          He loves me.
                                                             ­                   He loves me not.
                                                            ­         Forget me.
                                                             ­                       Forget me not.
Ashley Garreau Feb 2015
I sleep
with the leftovers of our
dismemberment

My rib cage strewn across the covers
like an elephant graveyard  
where a love
once lived.

I wake up
to the shivering clatter
of each
lonely
bone.

I dropped
all my **** this morning.

My cover up fell to the floor
and shattered.

I stared
at the broken pieces.

I dropped
my pen

my lighter

my defenses

These shaky hands
can't hold on
to anything,
So then why is it
my heart still can?
Ashley Garreau Feb 2015
Our hearts
Are wild animals
Trying to break through
Their cages
Clawing
Grabbing
Biting
We're in too deep now
Please don't look away sweetheart.
Please
see
Me.
Please
Hold
Me.
Please
Let
Me
See
You.
Please
Let
Me
Hold
You.
Tell me darling
This won't destroy us.
Why don’t they put that on candy hearts?
Tell me darling
That everything will be all right.
Tell me darling
Have I frightened you?
Please
Don't
Go.
Can you hear me sweetheart?
Is the ink from this pen loud enough?
I just
Want something
Real.
Something that's mine.
No.
Something that's ours.
Can you give me that sweetheart?
Please
Don't
Reject
Me.
I don't need you to save me.
I don't need you to save me
From crashing
And burning.
I just need you to understand.
I just need you to understand
and accept
That I am capable
Of crashing
And burning.
I just need you
To be able to wrestle with
The flames
And to be able to resurrect me from
The ashes.
We breathe.
I pant.
I say
"I want you inside me."
You say
"I want to be inside you."
I'm nervous
But it's not my first time.
You find your place between my thighs
And lift me
Hold me
Carry me
To the bed
Still
Kissing
Still
Biting
Still
Clawing
Clinging
Scratching
­Grabbing
Grasping
Gasping for air!
As the wild animal
Still
Rages
On.
Is this what romance
Feels like?
Is this what hope
Feels like?
This is new.
This is nice.
The candy hearts never told us
This will destroy us.
Ruin us.
But we need
To ruin
Us.
We need
To take
Us
Turn
Us
Reword
Us
Into something
we never were before.
Into something
We were meant to be.
I made your lip bleed.
Accidentally of course,
Always am I
A gentle spirit
That does things
Too hard
Feels too hard
Loves too hard
Too much
Too soon
Too fast
Too often
And I hope
You never have to remember me
By the taste of blood
In your mouth.
I hope
You never have to
Swallow glass.
I don't want to hurt you again.
I don't ever want to hurt you
But I want our rib cages
To be
Broken
And bruised
And busted through
And I mean that in the best of ways
Because the animal
Needs
To feed
To ****
To breathe
And I wonder darling
Will you need me?
Please
Need
Me.
Can you see me sweetheart?
Please
See
Me.
Are you scared yet sweetheart?
Have I frightened you?
Are the animal's teeth
Too sharp
Too hard
Too much
Too fast
Too soon
Too often?
Are you afraid yet sweetheart?
Can you see me yet?
Can
You
See
Me?
I say
"I want you inside me."
And the wild animal
Wants
Out.
Ashley Garreau Aug 2014
We love like water
Coming together in waves
I feel you wash over me
And I'm scared you're just passing through.
I know there are other fish in the sea
But I like when you come to stay in my pond.
Maybe it's just a puddle.
It feels more like an ocean when your in it.
We're caught in a never ending hurricane
You and I
I can feel the sands of our time
Slipping through my grasp
But your hands feel like mine
When our fingers clasp
And our bodies intertwine.
We love like water
Washing up on a shore of another dream
Or sinking to the bottom of the sea
You were my anchor before you let me float away.
I wish you'd stay.
But we love like water
You go up in the clouds
And I come down like rain.
Ashley Garreau Aug 2014
They arrived like giants
Stampeding over my fragile dreams
Like wild elephants on a glass floor.
I wanted to run
But I stayed.
I wanted to cry
But I dried up my well
And hid my wishes away.
They're all the change I have in me.
This broken heart's gone broke
But has the hope of a mouse who knows
There's cheese at the end of the maze
Just doesn't know a better way.
They arrived like giants
And the moon was oblong
I felt so small while you felt so strong
You said there's no reason to be depressed,
But babe I'm afraid.
I don't think those elephants
Will ever rest.
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