Every day
I am taunted by the sun
For I know I can reach for its warmth
and feel its tantalizing heat
but I cannot touch
its flame.
  
Every night
I am comforted by the moon
For I know its luminosity is great
But its loneliness and mine
Feel one in the same.

Ever since
You made me look up at the sky
And told me we still had the stars
I've loved those constellations
But I cannot give them
A name.

Most days
Im trying so hard to stay afloat
That for a moment
I was so tired
I finally chose
To drown
And it felt more like
Flying.

Now it feels more like
Falling.
Again
And again
And again
In these endless dead end cycles
Because my heart refuses
To abide by my head.

Most days
I'm so numb
That for a moment
I finally chose to feel
Letting bliss flood my lungs
Along with the pain.

I took a deep breath of it
And I went
Under.

I must have been the captain of our relation
Because I'm the one going down with the ship
Sails were set high in the wind
Only for the boat to flip
The waves got rocky and the skies grew dark
When you suddenly went overboard and became a shark
At least the waters cleansing as it swallows me down
And I hold you in my heart as a lovely way to drown

Im afraid I'm getting weaker as of late
Or going through a momentary relapse
because I can't stop thinking about how I miss the way
That you squint your eyes when you sing
And the way your body moves when you walk down the hall,
Always a hint of dance in your step making life a party.
I miss the sweat on your forehead when you slept
And the warmth between my stomach,
Your back,
Our hearts,
The meetings our souls had
When we clung to each other like humans feel the need to do.
We are only human,
But I felt something alien in your eyes that day.
I miss your lack of breath because of those super cool cigarettes you smoke making each exhale that much more precious.
I'm thankful our universes collided for the time they did but I wasn't ready for the Big Bang.
I miss the way you laughed at me,
or with me,
It didn't matter as long as you were laughing.
I miss staring at the stars and making out against your car
And telling you the next morning the fun you had that you drank away all remembrance of.
I miss the feeling of falling in love
And listening to music with you,
our late night discussions,
the way you excited my mind and my insatiable drive.
Every day with you was a trip and I miss the ride.
I miss the way you idealized the concept of the non existence of time,
Maybe not even it could have the power to heal me
Because I'll probably be missing you the rest of my life.

I must have been a jester in my past life
Because I’m always being played the fool
I thought I finally had something great
But nothing good can last and life is too **** cruel
I got so high only to be brought down so low
It was just too good to be true I suppose
Whenever I fall I hit the ground hard
After I’ve invested myself entirely to something flawed
But my pride doesn’t hurt as bad as how I feel inside
I think my chest is flatter from where my heart sunk and died
I was stupid to think I could love again,
No, I DID love again,
I was stupid to think I could be loved
the words fly away like doves
and I watch the feathers fall from the sky
like the burning tears behind my eyes
my mouth is dry
I’m weaving in and out of a realm I don’t understand
does not compute
I cannot comprehend
how can people get so close only to fall so far
I can’t believe I thought I could live
with an artificial heart
I’m coming undone at all the seams
leaving no stitch to be redeemed
I’m in a horror scene
the kind that feel never ending like in a terrible dream
when you keep on fighting and running
but don’t get anywhere in the end
only to wake up short of breath
still living life on the mend
no vice can I defend
that makes what I do seem right
but the only fight I have left in me
is to not give up the will to fight
because as cruel as life can seem to me
I know I’m not ready to die
but why is it so **** hard to live without
the people you love in life
I thought I found a mutual happiness
to be shared between you and I
and now all of a sudden I’ve taken on a greater sorrow
that only makes me grow colder with time
because nothing can ever stay sublime
you shimmy shook me and over took me
and now I only feel half alive.

With every fickle flaw my life is a technicality
I'm an outlaw of my own society
The death of me will be my impending reality
The underlying doom resides inside my devastating mentality
My heart's been beaten up with every kind of brutality
I've lost my mind so many times
I'm becoming a fatality
Of my own disaster of a dangerous insanity
With every word and every rhyme
I can rewrite my own vanity
I've reanimated my anatomy
With the power of lines and phrases
My bones are made of paper
And my veins the ink that stains it
I can cut my brain in pieces
And use my mind to rearrange it.
I've learned to **** on an idea
To taste and entertain it
Never just throw it to waste
Without debating on a reason to sustain it
I stay up and lie awake at night questioning my own morality
I've been exorcising my mind
But losing focus on my body
I fear my own mortality
With every unforgiving calorie
And memory of a past time
In an artificial gallery
I put up pictures in my head
Making memories everlasting
I could paint over every one of them
But it wouldn't stop them from happening
They haunt me in my sleep
And your face invades my dreams
You penetrate my wounds
And I'm coming undone at all the seams
Of every stitch and broken wing
I'm falling from the sun
And hanging by a string
That's tight around my neck like my never ceasing obsession
I'm not talking to a priest but this is my confession
I carry everything like a noose
My weaknesses eat at me like an overwhelming rejection
I can be the judge of myself and I have no objections
This is all coming together in sections
My depression killing me like a lethal infection
Forget the **** pills and give me an injection
I'm dying for a little affection from you
All I want is your attention
I may sound cynical at times but I only have good intentions
I'm coming through in waves
Always thinking one thought then feeling in different ways
I'm stuck inside this daze
You are second hand smoke and I can't see past the haze.

The skies turn to gray
As the rain falls sour
Dreary eyes begin to fade
In the anticipation of an hour

Now seems dull
with endless waiting
But days missed most
Will be the ones anticipating