good morning, darling
I'm sorry I missed your texts; I was asleep
I messaged you back, though
a total of 15 times
15 dead lines
did you break your promise, friend?
you're scaring me, you're not answering
"I'm done. I love you."

was that your last message?
a.c.

everyday I apply the faded mask of mine
it shows I'm happy & nothing is wrong with me
then when I'm alone
the sadness begins to manifest
& I swear I can feel every inch of it
crawling up my spine; sending chills with every touch
my ears ring at the sound of the deafening silence
the demons in my head begin to take over
killing my motives & dreams
& replacing them with threats & nightmares
I try not to let them get to me
but in the end,
they always win
*a.c.

dear director,
I seem to have lost my way
do you have anything to help?
a map, or maybe a compass?
I seem to be running off course
plummeting into a state of sadness
& crashing into the feeling of
absolute emptiness
I can't quite explain how I feel
I feel as if I'm here
but at the same time I feel as if
maybe I'm already gone
maybe I already fell into oblivion
& I'm just reliving the moments
up until my final rest
my final sigh in life
all moments seem to gather together
to create that final breath
maybe I'll be content
resting on my death bed
slowly fading until nothing is there
to hold onto anymore
then we just slip
into the darkness
& we never wake
director, what happens after?
a.c.

little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.