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arubybluebird Jun 2015
I sometimes wish
I could be as small in size
As I often feel in my mind

So I could curl up into
A tiny ball of lint
And rest inside the pocket
Of my father's woven jacket
arubybluebird Jun 2018
It'd be nice to be held again.
arubybluebird Jul 2013
I'm searching for the words
I cannot find within myself
Throughout the sentences of others
I'm searching for the words
That will mean enough to you
To consider the thought of me
In your mind, in your heart
Because
              I'm aching
                I miss you
                  I love you
              I'm broken
                   I need you
             I'm nothing
             Without you
Has never been and
Will never seem
To be enough
arubybluebird Apr 2018
Cuando te bese, fui completamente tuya. Pero tu nunca fuiste mio, y nunca seras para mi. Y ahora que pasan los dias que se convierten en meses, que se convierten en años, hay tanto que decir y no lo dire. Que el silencio hable por mi.
arubybluebird Aug 2016
I think one of my favorite things about dining in restaurants is the background music and how it synchronizes with the sound of silverware clicking against dishes
arubybluebird Feb 2016
I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out what I wanted
I’m sorry I wasn’t good to you
I’m sorry I could never be good for you
I never properly apologized
I know it doesn’t mean much now, but I’m sorry
arubybluebird Jul 2013
I want to fall in love with you today tonight and tomorrow
I want to shy away from your touch only to bring you back home with me
I want to lay down by your side late evening on the livingroom carpet
And tell you all the ways in which you are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are

I want to eat dinner with you and breakfast, too
I want to connect with your mind, your words and your skin
I want you to look at me like it's the first time

I want to love you enough without pushing you away
It seems your absence draws me nearer

I want our love to live in videotape
Our memories reeled in red, blue, green
Red, blue, green

I want to be the great strange dream
That you are much too fond of for letting go
A few Radiohea_d In Rainbows / references.
arubybluebird Sep 2013
it is possible to cry without tears
and love without condition

it is possible to live a life interested in everything
and devoted to nothing

it is possible to cling passionately unto the comfort of your words
just as it is to decay my existence upon the silk sheets of your bed

it is possible to wound without beating
and mend myself partial with solitude and sadness

there is a possibility
of a million lovers
in my head

there is a possibility
of two lovers
in my heart
arubybluebird Jul 2013
Silver reverberating heart
You've out-grown me
Tonight
You out-run me
But I
Chase you still
I chase you still

Past the corridor of the city's dark slumber
Past the pleasures of the fixated ******

Your magnetism deteriorates my final inning

I'll go
s l o w

I'll go
sdrawkcab

Imperceptive to
Your stance
I'll slip to you
As the sun
To the horizon

Silver wretched,
Alongside the start of an early-morning
Your meek murmurs are
Visible,
Tangible,
Like sunlight from the window passing through a glass picture frame
That creates a spectrum across the steam rising above my coffee
Placed atop the kitchen table

Silvering wretched,
With your faint-cloudy-murmurs I agree,

The sea is the best place
To be
Wondrously
Free

I track you down,
Ever so desolately


Pale skin, blue bones
Renounced
Upon
Breeze
Reeling
Tides

Humble,
Dismissive,
Tr­anquil

My regard is not toward the thoughts you think
I intend not to dismay your delicate appeal

Silvering opulent,
Be lenient
Even if just for the sake of yourself

Tell me so
I want to know

Tell
me
how
you
feel

Reverberating silver heart,
Come, converse with me,

Give me your gossip
Tell me your stories

I
need
to
know
how
you
felt
arubybluebird Apr 2018
and this song has an ending too.
arubybluebird Nov 2014
the thought of having *** makes me ill
this place holds the time we first kissed
go backwards with me
stay, lets lay underneath the moon for another year
I'm bored of the constant mention of the heart
of the condition of my own
of not knowing whether yours keeps its blood moving for mine
I've become indifferent to the gentle heedlessness of the world
I have your hands to wipe my tears with now
arubybluebird Nov 2013
quite frankly,
I am sick of all my words.
the clock ticks,
I keep sleeping.
marry me for my love, please.
for my love above all things.
choose my love over myself.
this is your hand
these are my insecurities
this is the rain,
this is what it does to you
through me.
arubybluebird Mar 2015
I cried for you in my dream last night,
even in unconsciousness I miss you.
arubybluebird Jul 2013
I want your nervous feelings
Every-time we say goodnight
I want your thoughts to linger beneath
The ivory blooming of my body
Just as death does the violet hymn
Give me your paranoia
Fixate on me with salty eyes
Turn to stone before me
With fingers placed between my thighs
This dark tunnel of a city
This diamond mouthful of a sky
Dance about like paper flowers
Wild and windblown
Upon the casket of our lives
Yet we're alive, more than we've ever been
With enough time
To kiss until our soft lips bleed
Perpetually lovely
Potentially futile
Tonight, you are the ocean
Tonight, I hit the tide
arubybluebird Mar 2016
In another universe, we've already been in love with each other for a very long time. In another universe, you've always been my best friend.
I love you from a universe away
arubybluebird Jul 2013
I'm sick of all the things my money can buy
Your long damp hair, your dreamy eyes
If we're all free to live a last time,
I'd off and cage me to the ripe rye

Broken bones and frozen limbs,
My little problem's just begun
To solve you, sadly beautiful,
Free to go, and go and love
Exposed in depth to fields of lust

Wreck loathing lungs
Inhale the length of you
Your full ivory ******* valiantly read :
Light me up, again and again
Light me up like a cigarette
Inhale. Exhale. Light me up,
Exhale the satisfaction

A taunting drag
A wayward distraction

Sooner than we know
Warm dew blossoms
Imbue the night of
Frailty rapture

Arching backs
Gliding hands
Swaying hips
Bending knees

Porcelain ashtray placed beside the bed
Preserve the words left to be fled

Cenicero, mi cenicero
Tu corazon, mi cenicero
You were alone before we met
No more forlorn than one could get
How sinister and how correct


Through foggy haze
I ruminate and sigh,
I'm sick of all the things my money can buy .
mini ode to Placebo's : Ashtray Heart .
arubybluebird Aug 2019
There, that's the poem.
arubybluebird Feb 2020
To always love you

Remind me

To never give up on us

Remind me

That we are so much better together

More than we both know
RMS
arubybluebird Aug 2017
RMS
I want to be the best me for you.
arubybluebird Dec 2013
I cannot tell if I am alive or just breathing
You are a lie I choose to believe in
I am worried love may just be something my soul needs
I shouldn't have drank that last cup of coffee
I should have kissed you longer while I had the chance
But if choice could choose not to choose
But if sound could mute without losing its sound
But if it weren't a ******* shame that you're not here with me
Perhaps then I'd be able to tell
You are a truth I refuse to except
Maybe I'm living for the small things
I'll never know how to love you enough
Perhaps I should appreciate the cold side of my pillow
Maybe I'm just desperate
Maybe I'm just tired
Maybe I've been alone
                                  with the entire universe inside of me
                   for far too long
Maybe I just miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
               I can't

I cannot tell if this is a poem or a feeling
I don't want to know if you ever hope to see me
I still love you are the cruelest words in the world
Darling, I never meant to lie
arubybluebird Jul 2014
post a photograph on the internet
feel stupid
delete it
you mean very little to me but
I desperately want your approval
sit down, place mobile fan in front of face
close eyes
try to breathe
fall back into meadow of linen
rest head on lillypad pillow
teach mom how to properly pronounce "cherry triple soothing action"
fantasize about growing up in Laguna Beach
open eyes
get off bed
stand in front of closet mirror
this is your reflection
this is your mouth tinted in violet
these are the outlines of restless nights beneath the crease of
bottom lashes
these are your shoulders
these are your *******
stretchmarks replicate on the spectrum of your back like
electromagnetic waves
fantasize about growing longer legs
write a letter to somebody that you used to love
wonder where feelings go when you no longer feel them
mind begins to waiver oblivion
you can no longer follow
and you no longer want to
tear up letter in four pieces
stare down at idle light pink hands
they are the same two that caressed his face between them
they are the same two that wrote the words that would tear him apart
attach an emotion to a memory
paste meaning to a sentence where there is none
store consciousness in binary file
shut down computer
restart brim of indifferent heart
arubybluebird Jul 2015
I like things that make me sad
I don't think I'll ever not be late
I'm trying to figure out a way to think outside of myself
I'm so limited within this unconditional heart
I'm trying to figure out a way to think inside of you
Lift my body from your bed, and leave my soul tucked in to rest
arubybluebird May 2014
3 05 AM
uninspired
vacant
regret
are you
what your future self
had always hoped to be?
is there any beauty left for you to see
at the sight of me?
nothing has ever been as easy
as wanting you.
I've never known how to get along with my thoughts.
how have I become so wasted?
where has all the passion gone?
and why I can't I come up with
a better word than passion?
words can no longer explain
this subtle torment
******* this lifeless room
******* this settling comfort
******* my senseless tongue
jaded youth
fickle heart
holding back
from who know's what
not me.
not me, again.
contemporary ****-up
sitting still on the amber picket bench
in the center portrait of your ruffled mind
the sound of our heavy breathing
creeps past my skin
every whispering sigh a memory left for me to dwell on
you said you wanted me, an enigma
I was a mystery
it was a mystery
it was the mystery you wanted
not me
not me
it was the need
to be wanted
to be needed
to be mended
my limbs, paper figurines
your eyes, story-telling gypsies
desire
slowly unfolds
like lotus flowers
both so naive
desperately
trying to be free
from sentiment

I know you felt it
I know you feel it, too
When the night comes sooner
and your inbox is empty
arubybluebird May 2014
it makes me sad that there are so many people everywhere
and none of them are you.
arubybluebird Oct 2013
I just want to go to sleep
It's been a lifetime and I am restless
I often write your name repeatedly on paper (eric eric eric)
only to emphasize to myself that my longing for you is real
I remember the first time I fell in-love with you
The cuts and bruises on my skin make it difficult to forget
These words aren't coming out as sweetly as I intended
I want the vertebrae of my voice to make you feel at ease
So I'll keep quiet and let you speak
come and go, passing cars, change of season - - -
How much farther, dear?
The college-ruled lines in your eyes warn me it's too soon
Yet with so much time to waste, can I waste some time with you?
Yes, I'd love to waste it again
I'll take you afar to dimensions of unknown pleasures, if you let me
The moon itself is a possibility
10 : 11 PM
Both falling so tediously
                    upon the mattress of my mind
Sleep immune, volume mute
          Tonight, your blood flows through my veins
Tonight, the heat of sun on your soft skin
Shifts to meet my own
I **** the nectar off of your lips
You pluck the petals off of my skin
Both falling so tediously
                           upon the mattress of your bedroom
Risen light, morning furor
Today, my blood flows through your veins
Today, I've rearranged the bones in my back
To meet your own
       To love you less
                   To watch you go
                                     *Perpetual shift
arubybluebird Nov 2013
And you pushed me around in a shopping cart in the snow
while I explained to you my strange fascination with candles
why I find them to be lovely
and how they also make me sad
because no matter how much they burn, burn, burn
like Kerouac's fingertips in the night
once its flare reaches the bottom
there is no coming back

And the day after I told you this
you picked me up from school
without saying a word
we drove in your car
to our secret spot

We got off the car
you took off your jacket
lied it flat on the ground
and directed me to sit

As I did
you pulled a paper box out from your backpack
quietly
you handed it to me

Without questioning
I delicately pulled the mint green twine
until the paper box opened itself

Wrapped in thin tissue paper was a candle
and a tiny pack of Birdie
that held only two matches

Not knowing where this was going
I placed them in front of me

Gently you proceeded
and sat across the unlit candle
and two matches placed between us

We stayed in stillness for a moment
staring intently into each others eyes

I reached down for the tiny pack
and handed you a match

Taking your time
you stroke the match
as if setting flame to an unwanted photograph

You lit the candle
still in-between us both
still without exchange of words

You sat there with me and watched the shift of
its burn-rates blend with the likeness of the sun

And when it began to sputter uncontrollably
and when I began to cry
you sat there with me, still
this time by my side
breaking the silence

Quietly you whispered
in the open space before us
as if making proclamation to yourself
and to the sky

"This light will not grow dim"

And every day after you said this
I've waited for you after school

Without saying a word
I drive my car
to our secret spot

Getting off the car
I take off your jacket
and lay it flat on the ground

I take out the paper box
and place the empty candle jar and single match
before me

- - -

*your light has not grown dim
although I sit here
without the candle of your eyes to look into
I can still feel you burning
in the core of my soul
arubybluebird Aug 2013
I wish I were a glass ashtray
In some abandoned
Cheap hotel room.
I wish you still loved me.

I wish you'd never kissed her
I wish to never have met you
I wish to forget you.

Sleepless in Chicago, again
Wishing I weren't.
you could have been
dreaming strange dreams
with me

you could have prevented
this ridicule of a wasted, wishing heart

you've torn me apart for the last time
you're no longer the rest I seek.
arubybluebird Apr 2014
I don't even want to imagine what life would be like without you.
arubybluebird Mar 2015
You are the moon when I get out of bed

You are the moon as I start off my day

You are the moon when I fall on my head

You are the moon
arubybluebird Oct 2017
Me duele el corazon porque no eres mio.
arubybluebird Mar 2019
Some days I feel like crying more than other days.
Some days I wish I was twenty-four again.
arubybluebird Oct 2013
with your book
full of lies
and your eyes
filled with tales
sad autumn stories to tell
soft stormy weather to feel

don't fool me in
let me be
a golden thread I spin
Jeremiah, dance with me
arubybluebird Jul 2017
I guess it should be expected from me
To still try looking for you in songs
Where have you gone?
You never warned me I'd feel this lonely
Octavio

Octavio, it is likely you're just another name
Faceless, traceless
Like the stars in my dreams
I'm all bones, you're all sheets
Haunt me in the realm of dreams, te lo pido
Cariño

Do you understand this Spanglish tongue?
Can you feel the latido of my anxious heart?
Octavito, chiquitito

If there was a time of pastel pinks and blues
And yellow ribbons

If there was a time of citrus and lime
And air-drying linen

If there were days of tu y yo
Birds and bees
Half-creaked windows
And shaky knees

I'd like to visit those days, mi gansito

Is there an us in the summer
Some summers from now?
The shortest nights, the longest season
Is there any way to tell?

I'd like to know, amorcito

Octavio, mi pan dulce
Mi corazon de papel, mi pajarito
You exist sweetly in my thoughts
If no place else
The record is skipping on Josephine Baker's Breezin' Along With the Breeze. I guess it should be expected of me to take this as a sign from you to me.
arubybluebird Jul 2015
My beau’s eyes are pins on an atlas
To all the places I’d like to go
Andorra, Saint Lucia, Underwater Atlantis
Colombia, Christmas Island, New Mexico
His body is a masterpiece
Just thinking of it makes me want to shout
I have never seen a more exquisite centerpiece
As when he sits on the table with flowers in his mouth
To describe his kisses is a foolish thing to do
There are not enough words to express
How the taste of his tongue as sweet as honey dew
Are enough to make the soul undress
And yet, with all these things considered, I know he is not The One
For him I feel a thousand feelings, but not one of them is love.
I had to write a sonnet for a creative writing class once.
arubybluebird Jul 2014
I fidget because the look in your eyes is smoldering. And quite frankly, I want to know what it is in your life that brings you fear the most. I like boys who use precise diction and say "I love you" to their mother at the end of a phone-call, especially when they repeat themselves four times to make sure she's heard. My guilty pleasures consist of reading books that I should not be reading. I am dissatisfied with my able to be reached yet so far away dreams. I dream more during the day than I do at night. It is too late, I am already in-love with you, Tom Waits. I am the most un-punctual person you'll ever meet. I am the worst at texting back, replying to e-mails and answering phone calls. Social communication is not my thing. I'll write you twenty-three poems if you ask me to. I treat myself to Starbucks more than I should. I worked hard for this four dollars and eighty-five cents cup of joe, I ****** well deserve it. I ****** well am a mess. I find comfort in oblivion. Do you ever cry just to feel the mystery of liquid on your skin? Do you ever bleed just to make sure that your body is alive? Do you know just how sad you truly are? Do you know that you're the loveliest mind I've encountered by far? I hope, I hope you do. Oh, but it's better if you don't.
arubybluebird Nov 2017
Si no lo digo
Y no lo hago
Es porque no lo siento.
arubybluebird Dec 2014
If you forget me, I think that's for the best
arubybluebird Jul 2013
last night I dreamt that we were in-love
then I woke up and it was only half-true.
there is this boy, he's never met me and he is in-love with me.
there is this boy, I've never met him and I am in-love with him.
perhaps our fault is throwing around love more than the word itself.
people are stranger than fruit.
arubybluebird Jul 2017
I want to lie down on soft grass underneath the night
and listen to Slowdive until I feel better
arubybluebird Aug 2018
Gonna punch you so hard
You fall in love with me
arubybluebird Nov 2013
people tend to look at you funny when you're by yourself.
a few give the stare of sympathy; apologetic for your being alone.
but I don't mind it, really. not at all.
I choose my solidarity. I enjoy my own company.
I enjoy the conversations of my thoughts with my heart.
I enjoy sitting at a table for three, alone, at a café underground.
I take my time, I take slow bites of my sandwich and long sips of my tea.
I write. I listen.
To the echoes of poetry in the pit of my stomach,
to other people's conversation.
I wonder why they choose to discuss the weather instead of their emotions.
I wonder if they have a favorite song, and what that song does to them.
I wonder which of all is their favourite colour.
I observe endlessly their gestures.
Their faces, the slightly visible creases beneath their eyes,
their humor, their tension, their kindness.
The waitress, keeping count of her tips when there's no one in line.
The artificial display of burning firewood on the plasma television.
Entwined dim lights and origami lanterns hanging down from the walls.
MGMT's Kids playing in the background of pool table and ceiling fan noises.
Control yourself, take only what you need from me.
I dedicate songs to myself. I disagree with their message.
Unapologetically, I pass time in the cinema of my mind.
It helps me connect with the anxious, suffocating,
void and pending urging twenty-one-year-old emotions beneath my veins.
Solitude helps me cope with myself.
arubybluebird Oct 2013
there is this boy, he writes beautifully about this girl
she is his best friend and he is in love with her
and she might be, too
but love can be so strange at times
and just breathing in general, it doesn't make sense
and I am writing this while walking
and my cursive looks utterly ******
and I would take a fall and
scrape my knees in the name of poetry
and I would stand tall and
learn not to slouch my back so much
if you asked me to
but you don't, because you like the way
I walk with this sort of shy ghost over my shoulders
and you'd rather watch the way my lips move when I talk
and count the times I push up my glasses during mid sentence
and I just like the way you make me like things
and I like that you like me more than I like myself
arubybluebird Dec 2013
lack of inspiration
desperate
anxious

don't let them in
don't you go there, liking him

things, they'll get better
things, they'll drag you down

why don't you write like you used to?
why do you write at all?
because you are drowning in a sea of secrets
and you are tired and sleep will not do

help yourself
young misery, all too soon
dragging out the song in you

your body feels more than your heart
you don't know anything
you don't know yourself at all

memories rot inside the grave of your mind
out of your thick skull flower fields grow

you are one with time
empty yourself whole
get away to refill

forget the teachings of their words
learn to fall out of your image
learn to fall in love with yourself again

turn off the t.v.
give up the ghost
come in, get out
step back, let go

I am nothing
I am no one
pour the last drop
fade me out
arubybluebird Jul 2017
Tell me that you hate that I'm leaving.
Tell me that it's tearing you apart.
arubybluebird Jul 2017
Tell me I'm the best thing that's happend to you in a very long time, but you don't feel me in your heart yet.

Give me a 'yet'
Give me a 'but maybe with time'
Give me a lie that I can cling to.
I want this to last a while longer.
arubybluebird Jul 2013
red lips, pale skin, blue heart
darling, I can be your American dream.
arubybluebird Dec 2013
it is cold
my ******* are hard
I'm not fond enough of you
to care whether you think of me as appropriate or otherwise
I drink because I like it when my vision matches the blur of my mind
a boy I don't know came up to me at the gay bar
he caressed my face and walked away and then walked back
to apologize for not being able to contain himself
his friend also apologized on his behalf and assured me that
it is not his friends fault that I am so charming
naturally I smiled in comprehensive shyness
it has been a while since a touch has felt like home
it has been a while since home has felt like home
you will fall in love with all the wrong girls
you will ******* your way out of the responsibilities of growing up
you will catch the attention of strangers
and you will mean so much to them
so many things
so many thoughts
so many names left unknown
sit out with me in stormy weather
we're both naive, broken, and delirious
with not much else to do, do it with me
roaming poet of the night, give me your words
*oh, pour me another drink
and punch me in the face
you can call me Nancy
arubybluebird Aug 2014
life
  is
    but  
        a
           memory.
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