sometimes I feel things too strongly
sometimes I feel nothing at all
it is critical you know these things about me
before you get further involved

Cut the small talk.

I know
You are
Not
The one
For me
But
Kiss me
Anyway

Are bearable.

- A love note.

I needed you

I don't want anything from any one.
My heart is indifferent to every body but you.

I sit and watch it from my rooftop

If I put you under my skin
Will it be easier to get over you?

I think one of my favorite things about dining in restaurants is the background music and how it synchronizes with the sound of silverware clicking against dishes

Tell me I'm the best thing that's happend to you in a very long time, but you don't feel me in your heart yet.

Give me a 'yet'
Give me a 'but maybe with time'
Give me a lie that I can cling to.

****** absorbing the blood in me
my ******* aren't like in the magazines
eyes darker than the coffee you drink
you do not love me because you don't know how to love
indifferences come to me in threes
two for you, one for me
I cannot bring myself to feel today
I've forgotten how to wish

sitting, laughing, smoking, crying
dying in the inn

Beginners. The part in Beginners where Georgia takes young Oliver to the art museum and playfully tilts her body to mimic the juxtaposed metal frame installation. Or when on one of their drives in their 1982 Mercedes-Benz 300 D Turbo Diesel, Georgia tells young Oliver "You point, I'll drive," so Oliver knee-jerkily points his finger to the direction opposite of where they are driving, and Georgia calmly steers the car out of control without any bit of hesitation. The fact that Oliver keeps the "You point, I'll drive" tradition alive with Anna years after Georgia's passing, but never explains or even mentions to Anna the backstory and significance behind these words, it's just something he casually incorporates in his counted moments with her, which conveys through indirect verbalization just how much she means to him.

Oh, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Don't even get me started with Joel and Clementine, and all their heart-wrenching, perfect one-liners and phrases.

"I'm Clementine. Can I... borrow a piece of your chicken?"
"And then you just took it... without waiting for an answer. It was so intimate; like we were already lovers."

And,

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just...happy. I'm exactly where I wanna be." All the right words, in the right sequence, with precise pause and emphasis.

Or,

"I'm a little out of sorts today." A line I secretly quote and have casually adapted into my every day utterances.

And of course the infamous Tangerine and Joely Sequence;

"You're pretty, you're pretty. You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty.."

Both of these movies mean so much to me. These are the kind of things I would tell you. These are the kind of things that would mean something to you, that would lead you to finding some bit of magic in me, and maybe even make you fall in love. But you've never asked, and you don't, and you won't. Still, I wish that you would ask.

Sometimes at night I picture you holding me
And I can almost feel it
And it makes me sort of sad

"I enjoyed my time being in love with you, it was dreamy and magical, in another universe, in my thoughts. Happy New Years."

I don’t necessarily fear death. The thing is that I know it is going to happen and although I may never fully understand why it must or grasp the concept of it, I accept it, I accept death just as much as I do living, but the thing here is…I still haven’t fallen in love a second time after having my heart broken that first time. There are many note cards I haven’t written to the people I love, to the people I admire. There are botanical gardens I’ve never been to and literal roads I’ve yet to take. I want to drive through them, walk through them, jog through them on foggy morning, sunny evening, mid-winter day. I’ve never tried playing the banjo, bought a lottery ticket, or lived with roommates or a boyfriend on the second floor of a four story apartment that overlooks a deli shop somewhere in Los Angeles or New York City. I still haven’t treated my grandmother to a gals day out, I’ve never dyed my hair some absurd color, I’ve yet to taste a  crème brûlée. There are so many courses I still want to take, so many things I still want to learn, clubs on campus that I want to be a part of, books I’ve yet to read, songs I want to listen and re-listen to. There are still things, so many things, there are still the words “I’ve yet” and “still” and more than anything the words “I’ve never.” These are the words, these are things that get to me, that fill me with restless thoughts and wavering emotions at 5 05 am. I can hear birds chirping and roosters cooing from outside my window, my parents heartbeats are lovely and synchronized a bedroom over, the voice of sufjan stevens is resonating from my laptops speakers, my legs feel hot underneath this linen sheet and woven blanket, my eyes don’t feel as tired as they probably should, and I am not ready. I’m not ready to let this all go. not yet. and that, although not death itself, is my greatest fear of dying.

I could love you
On the painted steps
Those that tell us
To learn from our mistakes

Standin' sweetly
next to you
Sweet you, holdin' your hand

I could emphasize your name
At the start of every phrase
We could be as bright as day
Flor de luna,
Mi Ignacito

Amor de mis amores
Mi dulce elotito

Que mi dolor seas tu
Que sean tuyos mis errores

Que la vida es solamente
Solamente tu

Selfish
I am the worst
Kind of selfish
I am the selfless kind of selfish
That unconditionally does nice things
For other people
Solemnly because it makes me feel limitedly better
About myself

Enclosed in off-white shell
Dug beneath earths dirt
Six feet underground
Pending, awaiting for the day
To be yours

In shadowed bloom
I rise
My body, soft and ripe
Yearns for your touch
To be only yours

You break me from my stem
Rip me from my roots
As I lay in the flame of your hand
You pierce your fingernails through my skin
Like shards of ice

Mercilessly, you peel off my layers
Leaving me all veins and flesh
I was made for you

Impudently, you apply me to your tongue
Your jagged teeth bite down
Sweetly, I burst in you

Turn to liquid in your mouth
Fill your organs
Quench your thirst
I am yours

You spit out
My bones when
You are done
And
I do not dwell

All that you’ve made of me
Lives inside you now

write the truest thing you know
even if makes you sad
persepective starts to change
a new gloaming
stop listening to your mind
read between your ******-up lines
drunk and in-loss
the emptiness starts to creek between the shallow spaces of your ribs
breath, you stop breathing
their whispering is never-ending
throughout the night
darling, will you ever be anything enough?
your mind it's in your mind
plague of maddening darkness
there is no frenzy
you were never very charming
always in-between
make up your mind
make up your life
take off your blue eyeshadow
take off your clothes
you've never been quite cool
make up your heart
last years tears stream past the valley of your cheek bones
fall out of your drought
fall out of your image
fall in love with yourself again
I won't remind you of your insecurites
love, I have forgotten them
drunk and with dreams
I lift you up
to bury you under

Today I bought a pack of cigarettes just to feel closer to you

Commemorate this bench in my honor when you remember me years after my death. It's where I wrote you love poems.

the thought of having *** makes me ill
this place holds the time we first kissed
go backwards with me
stay, lets lay underneath the moon for another year
I'm bored of the constant mention of the heart
of the condition of my own
of not knowing whether yours keeps its blood moving for mine
I've become indifferent to the gentle heedlessness of the world
I have your hands to wipe my tears with now

Except with words

I play with those a little

Me duele el corazon porque no eres mio.

There are tears bottled up

inside my heart for you

but i don’t want to cry

tonight or any other night.

- on keeping in and letting go.

Quiéreme, imbecile.

I don't even want to imagine what life would be like without you.

I'd end all my letters with 'to the moon and back.'

I would probably try talking to it.
I guess I'm a pretty lonely person.

I want to do it all for you
Just for you
Only you

When being alone doesn't help
And surrounding yourself with people doesn't help
Have you ever felt this helpless?

I didn't comb my hair today
I've still the sour scent of last nights sweat
On my stomach, on my chest

There is a tear in my pillowcase
And I do not know
How to sew

I'm not sad yet, but I can feel myself getting there
I can't remember the last time I didn't feel nervous, anxious
These past years hiding behind the pursuit of a Bachelor's degree
English major I respond when they ask
These past years waiting for something, someone
That never seems to come

I think it's best I haven't met you yet
Yet, that hopeful word
That senseless word
That breaks me apart, holds me together
To the little sense I have left

I am alone
Surrounded by everyone
My heart is blue
And I am wearing
Mustard yellow

I've spent a lot of my young adult life at bookstores and coffee shops because I am lonely.

Si no lo digo
Y no lo hago
Es porque no lo siento.