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arubybluebird Nov 2014
it is difficult to sleep at night
knowing your heart is not in the same room as mine
arubybluebird Oct 2014
- -
there’s so much harm in this world, so many people right now are broken, torn, dismantled and hurting, and the thought and realization of this makes me feverish and nauseous, and my heart begins to ache, too. my heart aches for them. and I want nothing more than to be with them, to extend my arms to them and hold them tightly, to offer them in entirety what little security I have. to look them in their eyes and correlate. to let them know that they are not alone. that if I could reach into their hearts and take away all their pain, if I could hold their hurt as my own, I would. those whom have harmed you may never come to acknowledge or apologize, but I am sorry. I am sorry for their injustices, I am sorry for their cruelties, I am sorry for what they’ve done, for what you’ve gone through, for what you’re going through. you’re somewhere out there as I’m writing this, and you may never come across these words, but if ever you do, if you’re reading this right now, I want you to know you are in my prayers. you are in my thoughts. and you are in my heart. you mean so much, so much, and you are cared about, valued, appreciated, and loved.
arubybluebird Oct 2014
so desperately I wish it would rain. I want to feel its many sensations past my clothes to my skin. I want to jump in a sidewalk puddle and mean it. It's autumn, and there aren't enough mustard yellow pumpkin orange olive green auburn leaves. I drank three cups of coffee earlier in the evening, the time is now fourteen past three and I cannot sleep. an indiscreet feverish anxiety fills my interior. there is so much to look forward to all the time. someday I will find my waldo. somenight I will find solace in the vitreous humor of my sleeping lover's eyes.
arubybluebird Oct 2014
sad, again
but a calm sad
accepting
viable
livable

I'm scared to start liking you
things never really work out in my favor
when I most want them to
I don't want you to be one of those things

you are a person and you are so lovely
I am a person and I am so vulnerable

I don't want to kiss you or hold your hand
I don't want to know that you're better off without me

all I want is for you to sit across from me
all I want to do is talk with you
until night and day become one

we can resume our different lives
in sepearte ways
thereafter

indifferent, again
but an attentive indifference
subtle
perpetual
liking you in spite of fear
arubybluebird Oct 2014
maybe I'm not sad
maybe I'm just bored
maybe I'm not bored
maybe I'm just tired
arubybluebird Oct 2014
standing lovers
sitting down
less human
more being
arubybluebird Sep 2014
I want to feel you profoundly
I want you to mean so much to me
that I'd die for you

It seems I'm always losing friends
It seems as though I'm losing my mind

I am not your kind
Introspective and shy
Less than meets the eye

You thought you were,
But I knew you weren't right

I want to write songs about heartache
And mean it
I need you to come into my heart

I need you to wrap your arms
Around my neck
A little tighter

Become one with my skin
I want to feel you
in my veins

Make me forget that I am in control
Fool me into thinking you are
my only way home

Because I'm no good or bad, I simply exist
And I'm tired of living
Like this

I prefer small significant moments
Over big grand gestures

Edible as a sunflower
Put me in your mouth
I want to taste myself through you

Raw
Sustaining
Satisfied

Moving five countries away
Will never rid you from yourself

You can pour liquor to fill
The drought in you
Temporary self-inflicted
Oblivion

You'll still remain
desiccate and vacant
In the end

In the end  
unknowingly  
so promising

Something is not right with my brain
I don't believe the words they say
This is the truest lie I've ever written
I mistake you for the moon somehow

My anxiety is here and I am real
Where do all the others go?

My skin falls off of my bones
The boy behind the computer screen
Is the closest thing to love I've known

I can feel my soul departing from my clothes
All of this to tell you something
All of this to express nothing

Keep breathing    
          keep breathing

This is what you chose
my mind is dizzy
my body feels heavy and slow
I am trying, I am trying my best to cope
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