The dull grey world
the one that I see through my eyes
the one that has grief, greed, insecurity
A lot of bad things
and the stillness is overwhelming to me
because I feel nothing
the days go by and I feel nothing at all
I could hurt someone and feel nothing at all
but once I am inside
that home of which I am alone
I cry and I cry
thinking: "What have I done?"
I hear the sounds of my phone going off
and yet I don't dare answer it
I want to but I don't
not until I've done lowering myself even further
I try to be a better person
and I try to act like its fine
but it's weakness that I'm showing
and my feelings are fading away
I'm waiting for the summer
I'm waiting for it all to go away
If there isn't a better tomorrow
than tomorrow is just
another day

There was a girl that I used to know
She had beautiful bright hazel eyes and long, wavy brown hair
She was always so cheerful,
so kind,
good at making friends,
making the right decisions.
I saw that girl change though,
she started making up lies
hurting herself
making the wrong friends
wrong decisions
She cut herself to feel something
She drank alcohol to make her forget
to be someone else
She constantly hides behind a mask
and she hurts the ones she cares about
even when she knows what she is doing
I'm scared of what she'll end up being if she doesn't change
but she can't change
she never will
not until the very end
she isn't perfect
she never will be
that's not something that she wants
maybe she wants acceptance
no one knows
not even her
She's struggling to find another way
but she can't find herself because of how lost she is
She has a lover to care for
and yet she can't even stop herself from keeping things from him
she says she is alone
and he only tries to keep that thought out of her head
he even hurt himself to prove to her that
they will go through everything together
it doesn't matter though
not much of it does
the little girl that I used to know
doesn't exist anymore
her heart is still pure
but her mind and heart are fractured
she's just the dull centerpiece of the painting
surrounded by an environment
that she can't handle any longer
but she still continues on
because she knows someone needs her

Despite all the fighting and hiding things
You're still the one that I want
so please don't leave
I'd be alone without you
and I know that I can't live without you
You're the air in my lungs
You're the only one I breathe for
I can't love without you
I can't live without you
I'm sorry for making you cry
I'm sorry that I just didn't try
I can't do anything right
and I know all I'm doing is starting a fight

So, this is it?
I told myself that I could do it
To just die
Is that it?
Maybe that’s easier.
There is nothing as irresponsible as words
I never thought of it, death.

It's fun if you do it seriously
Do not measure with your life
Did you stumble in your way?
What was wrong?
If it is a sweet story,
If you brag about unhappiness proclaim it in your mouth
Please show off all of your labels

Stop your breathing "I’ll do it for you",
Stop your talking "Because I think of you"
These limits of mine are not the same anymore, no longer, do you realize now?
My heart now works differently; you did not know that, huh?
You really don't know.



Do not say “I’m fine.”
Do not say “I’m okay”
You do not know that making minds is different, do you?
I didn’t think so

You feel exhilarating, do you not?
It's easier to have a higher level than me
I cannot do "normal things"
Then tell me what is normal.
I cannot be any good for anything
She says that she is as unnatural as her words
I never even realized it.

It's fun if I die
Take a look at your feet.
Is the stumble in your path a rollercoaster?
Are you walking on a sidewalk?
If it's a sweet story it's poisonous to your ears.
If you brag about unhappiness your mouth will go bad.
Remove all of your labels and never show up again.

Stop your breathing "I’ll do it for you",
Stop your talking "Because I think of you"
These limits of mine are not the same anymore, no longer, do you realize now?
Stop your "I understand", you don't.
Stop your "Everything is okay" when it is not.
My heart now works differently; you did not know that, huh?
You really don't know.
I will not say “I understand" easily,
Because I will not give up easily
I'm breaking the line please let me cross it now.

I walked back and it fell down and this place was a position.
Here is a white line and we’ll put it up a wall that is not here
Leave the door here and fill the key in there.
At least for a while,
Repeat without stopping
Do not ask yourself if it’s alright.

The left hand line and the heart line are not the same
Your heart and my heart are added and it is not "2"
Add a line of the left hand and a line of the mind
So I won’t have to know.

When you're dragging along
just trying to pick the perfect song
you're all alone and you're on your own
It's okay to cry
It's okay to say you need me
But yet,
you keep pushing me away
and in the end
you're leading me astray