I miss the rain.
Running around and laughing because the puddles
Made our white clothes see through
But in that moment we didn’t give a single ****.
Because in that moment I swear I was infinite.
We were all. Infinite.  
The smiles on our faces were so big and so real.
The tennis courts were soaked and the clay ran from one corner to the other.
We ran around those courts like little children, holding hands and screaming with joy.
Its so amazing how well I remember that day.
It feels like a movie I watched on repeat for 100 years.
Just like that the image is crystal clear.
Every moment, every second of our summer I can replay in mind.
Because every minute with you is like a fairytale.
And why remember reality when there are fairytales.
Singing, painting nails, golf, music.
Every minute, every beat we all missed.
When we messed up no one made fun of the other.
Because in our minds the artist got the lyrics wrong, not us.
The dances were stupid and fun and full of laughter
No one ever hated the other because we are friends.
And real friends don’t judge one another.
The worst part of this though is sometimes I think I wont find anyone like you.
No matter how hard try; it will always be destiny that brought us together.
We don’t need alcohol or drugs to have fun.  
We just need each other.
Because every day is a new adventure with you guys and ill love you forever.
Walks on the beach, staring at the hot lifeguards…
it all seems fake, like it was to good to be true.
But the rain.
Thats what I remember most.
Because even on the saddest and cloudliest days of all days we had fun.
We took the earth for what it was and accepted it; we loved it.  
Thunder shook the clouds above us.
And we began to laugh even louder because in that moment death wasn’t an option.
We enjoyed the rain, almost more then the sun.
If the sun shined every day wouldn’t you get bored?
Wouldn’t you want to feel the rain on your skin?
At that moment; we were invincible; we were one with the rain.  
Summer 2o13

she lies in bed
curled in a ball with her face in a pillow.
her beautiful eyes are red and puffy, coated with water
the tears stream down her face.
and she thinks awful things
things that no girl her age should ever think of
but she does, and it only makes the tears roll down her face faster
she has so many problems, but no one knows
her parents are downstairs fighting
her brother died last year,
every night suicide becomes less and less of an idea and more reality.
the cuts on her arms become deeper and deeper
but no one knows because no one seems to care.
she lies in bed.
alone, sad, feeling like nothing
how could life get any worse?
the next day her mother is diagnosed with cancer
she lies in bed that night, crying
tears rolling down her face because her mom only has 3 months to live
her father becomes an abusive alcoholic
she lies in bed
crying, bruises on her face, scars on her arms,
and yet no one knows
because no one seems to care.
that night a little girl committed suicide.
and yet no one seems to notice
because no one seems to care.
that night a little girl was released from the terrors of life.
she joined her mother and brother
and the tears stopped.

Can you solve me?

unfold me expose my problems.maybe not. a simple bow slowly becoming a masterpiece of interwoven components. pick up sticks. twister. limbo. on the brink of collapse. One. two. three strikes your out. those are the rules, are you ready? go! drugs. depression. disability.drinking. abuse. blasting any sound to keep out the shouts. deceit. lies. regret. curses spewed out. careful you might trip. Or maybe you already are. like I said a bow, so easy to undo, so simplistic, internally it becomes equivalent to rocket science.  Where's the key to success? the missing puzzle piece? buried in as-seen-on-tv purchases and old moldy mattresses children's toys and croc pots. smothering the pain of a loved one passed. is he dead or alive?who knows. Is she going to make it to 50?unlikely. suicide just in time for a birthday. unfair exchange. continuing pattern. someone has to make up the hoi palloi  no one can or will solve it. you can take that to the bank...just wait a couple weeks.

Trees like fox-fur brushes
red red red
and impossibly soft.
This mountain is sleeping,
Even the bears are swallowed up
Tucked into their rock wombs
Harmless as boulders

But winter is coming and
There is sand in my oyster-heart
Far from the salt spray, shut up tight
Like an old window stuck in its sill.

Man fell in love with the winter
The empty season, he understands.
Pale like blood drained from his face.

But my lungs taste the dust of leaves
Breathe the dim gold light.
I am folding beneath the earth
Red inside and beating with life,
Sleeping but not forever.

For a moment, let's reset our society

VIctoria Secret Models are chubbier,
shorter than 5ft.
and don't have those golden locks with shimmering eyes
nor the perfect skin nor smiles

Yellow and crooked teeth are to be admired upon
chapped lips and no make up is the ideal beauty

McDonald's sells the most exquisite burgers
while Fogo De Chao is frowned upon

Harvard and those Ivy Leagues are
safety schools
and the community colleges have
an impossible admission of 70%
UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT??

that gardeners and janitors were respected
as the kings of the world
and government and the congress are
to be denied, devalued, and made fun of.

now open your eyes
and hear the cars
and turn on the tv
and smell everything

which one would  you rather prefer???

I trust much too easily
Much too frighteningly
Yet, if I could only trust one thing
If one day I became a cynic and grew senile
If only one place i were to place my trust
Then I trust only Future.
Past is manipulative,
He has only false consistency
He tells my mother he will have me home by 12
And I find my self spending the night.
Present is only sneaky
And finds joy in the fright that she gives small children.
Not to be trusted...
While the Future,
The Future is noble....
I believe to be trustworthy.
Always pulling through,
when the Present is stabbing you in the back.
The Future will always be there,
Pulling through on the promises made of a better tomorrow.
The Future is a rolemodel.
Guiding the Present on her path to righteousness.
The only one I trust is the Future.
Even now, when I trust everyone.
I only truly trust the Future.
Because the Future has control over everything,
We can conquer everything,
If only with trust in the Future,
The Future can end this poem
however would make the biggest impac.......