Oh baby that never was,
I’m now just a stone,
that you’ll leave unturned

Under the heel of your sole,
on some casual stroll

that leads to your,
grandiose tale
of some romantic ordeal

and now don’t get me wrong,
this is not an appeal,

it is simply a seal
of how I feel
about you.

How can I be so smart and caring and wonderful and amazing and funny and charming and handsome yet feel so alone stupid useless evil ***** monstrous sad angry destructive sarcastic sadistic awful ugly fat and utterly pathetic AT THE SAME TIME? I honestly feel like Jekyll and Hyde without a change. I'm this way all the time I can do something so brilliant and amazing and destroy it all within seconds. Am I still sorting through my past? Am I still learning who I am and who I'm saposed to be? Am I trying to merge the monster in my head so that I don't feel so insane? How can I look at someone and think they are beautiful and then after a few seconds can't stand them? It's not all the time with everyone just certain individuals.

Am I destined to be a poor tired soul for the remainder of my days? Am I cursed to weep under a smiling mask for the entirety of my souls existence? I feel so old and young tired and excited. I used to climb mountains and cross rivers with mighty currents! I used to curse the thunder and defy the lighting. Now I sit and weep for times gone lost. I toil to maintain nothing. I ruin all that I touch I am no more better than a tick on a deer ******* the essential life force of another. Though young am I, a man of very few seasons, I can still bear a burden with ease and cause ladies to swoon at the bat of an eye, yet not anymore for inside the minds eye where beauty is beheld I am old and weary. A corpse left to rot in my own grave dug by greed and lust and buried by strife and malice. For I fear I am becoming close to death upon my old and weathered age in which the darkness over takes. Not a sound or a whisper do I hear as the silence begins to smother the air. It is time to decide. Do I allow silence to take the weary mind and leave the husk to go on it's future adventures and abandon dreams of body and mind united? Or am I to fight to unite the two foes worthy of a Shakespearean play. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. And how doth I do the deed that needs done? How do I ensnare the slothful mind so willing to give up? How must I ****** this grey matter into thought and Witt for the time draws near in which I must act. How does one reunite a soul that has been shattered into one hundred million tiny pieces.

The ticking of clocks press on the impending need. The blood feud fueled by jealousy and madness  and hate causes one to paused in deep reflection.

Swimming the English Channel,
struggling to make it to Calais,
I swam into Laura halfway across.
My body oiled for warmth,
black rubber cap on my head,
eyes hidden behind goggles,
I was exhausted, ready to drown,
when I saw her coming toward me,
bobbing up and down between waves,
effortlessly doing a breaststroke,
heading for Dover.  Treading water
I asked in French if she spoke English,
and she said, "Yes, I'm an American."
I said, "Hey, me too," then asked her out for coffee.

Frozen

Solid ice

That's what I wish to become

Not feeling emotions

Not needing them

Everything is so much easier

Without sadness

Or anger

Disappointment

But still I end up feeling

Stinging through the numbness

Like pins and needles

Constantly there

A feeling of needing

Missing

Weakness

Need to cool it off

Numb it down

Snow the cold onto my soul

Make it go away

Too bad things don't work out

Too bad I'm completely alone

Too bad that numbness won't come around again

Great...

I could tell you a tale of a princess
But that would be wasting your time
These sad stories and love songs
Are empty promises I've come to find.
You can tell me a story of adventure
Where the superhero is an underdog
They came up from the back roads of nothing
Nothing like 'The Princess and the Frog'.
That's got an adventure, of course, it's a shame
Don't worry, I've thought it through
But they all end with happily ever after
Nothing like me and you.
I guess you could have an ending like that
If you lived forever inside
With a bubble, in silence, no talking or games
You can't always be happy if you tried.
So continue to tell me a tale of normalcy
A tale sort of true to my life
Tell me a tale of excitement
A gun battle, a hero with a knife.
I'm not looking for violence, no
Just something other than a dress
Princesses here don't go walking around
In nothing other than their best.
We don't ever get carriages
The princes don't come crawling back
We fall in love on our own time
Get out, just cut us some slack.
Society makes us to be porcelain dolls
Just replica Barbie and Ken's
Perfection doesn't come in a box anymore
Perfection is a group of brave men.
So tell me a story of those heroes
The ones that have been though it all
Don't tell me the story of a girl and 7 boys
Tell me a tale of the ones who stand tall.
Take me on an adventure into real life
Help me with the brunt of everything
Show me a princess and prince that has fought
Not the ones who just sit around and sing.