Jun 2013
How can I be so smart and caring and wonderful and amazing and funny and charming and handsome yet feel so alone stupid useless evil ***** monstrous sad angry destructive sarcastic sadistic awful ugly fat and utterly pathetic AT THE SAME TIME? I honestly feel like Jekyll and Hyde without a change. I'm this way all the time I can do something so brilliant and amazing and destroy it all within seconds. Am I still sorting through my past? Am I still learning who I am and who I'm saposed to be? Am I trying to merge the monster in my head so that I don't feel so insane? How can I look at someone and think they are beautiful and then after a few seconds can't stand them? It's not all the time with everyone just certain individuals.
Am I destined to be a poor tired soul for the remainder of my days? Am I cursed to weep under a smiling mask for the entirety of my souls existence? I feel so old and young tired and excited. I used to climb mountains and cross rivers with mighty currents! I used to curse the thunder and defy the lighting. Now I sit and weep for times gone lost. I toil to maintain nothing. I ruin all that I touch I am no more better than a tick on a deer ******* the essential life force of another. Though young am I, a man of very few seasons, I can still bear a burden with ease and cause ladies to swoon at the bat of an eye, yet not anymore for inside the minds eye where beauty is beheld I am old and weary. A corpse left to rot in my own grave dug by greed and lust and buried by strife and malice. For I fear I am becoming close to death upon my old and weathered age in which the darkness over takes. Not a sound or a whisper do I hear as the silence begins to smother the air. It is time to decide. Do I allow silence to take the weary mind and leave the husk to go on it's future adventures and abandon dreams of body and mind united? Or am I to fight to unite the two foes worthy of a Shakespearean play. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. And how doth I do the deed that needs done? How do I ensnare the slothful mind so willing to give up? How must I ****** this grey matter into thought and Witt for the time draws near in which I must act. How does one reunite a soul that has been shattered into one hundred million tiny pieces.
The ticking of clocks press on the impending need. The blood feud fueled by jealousy and madness and hate causes one to paused in deep reflection.
Am I destined to be a poor tired soul for the remainder of my days? Am I cursed to weep under a smiling mask for the entirety of my souls existence? I feel so old and young tired and excited. I used to climb mountains and cross rivers with mighty currents! I used to curse the thunder and defy the lighting. Now I sit and weep for times gone lost. I toil to maintain nothing. I ruin all that I touch I am no more better than a tick on a deer ******* the essential life force of another. Though young am I, a man of very few seasons, I can still bear a burden with ease and cause ladies to swoon at the bat of an eye, yet not anymore for inside the minds eye where beauty is beheld I am old and weary. A corpse left to rot in my own grave dug by greed and lust and buried by strife and malice. For I fear I am becoming close to death upon my old and weathered age in which the darkness over takes. Not a sound or a whisper do I hear as the silence begins to smother the air. It is time to decide. Do I allow silence to take the weary mind and leave the husk to go on it's future adventures and abandon dreams of body and mind united? Or am I to fight to unite the two foes worthy of a Shakespearean play. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished. And how doth I do the deed that needs done? How do I ensnare the slothful mind so willing to give up? How must I ****** this grey matter into thought and Witt for the time draws near in which I must act. How does one reunite a soul that has been shattered into one hundred million tiny pieces.
The ticking of clocks press on the impending need. The blood feud fueled by jealousy and madness and hate causes one to paused in deep reflection.
