I swallowed my pride and said
               "Go home tonight"
I swallowed my dignity and said
               "I'll pack you some snacks"
I swallowed my anger and said
               "Text me if you need anything"

I should have realized

He had someone who was already telling him to come home
He had someone who would have food waiting
He had someone to text if he needed anything

I wish I spit.

I didn't realize I had stopped taking pictures of myself
         Maybe because he already knew what I looked like
         Maybe because I had forgotten
I didn't realize I had stopped listening to music
        Maybe because I had found all the songs about him
        Maybe because I had nothing to sing about
I didn't realize I had stopped imaging my future
        Maybe because it was already set in stone
        Maybe because it was not mine
I didn't realize I had stopped writing poetry
        Maybe because one can only write so many love poems
        Maybe because I no longer liked to think about my feelings
I didn't realize I had stopped journaling
        Maybe because he was there to share and remember with
        Maybe because I wasn't doing anything worth writing down
I didn't realize I had stopped working out
        Maybe because he loved me no matter how I looked
        Maybe because I had lost the motivation
I didn't realize I had stopped reading
        Maybe because I didn't need to escape anymore
        Maybe because I never had a moment to myself
I didn't realize I had stopped sleeping in my own bed
        Maybe because I was sleeping with someone I loved
        Maybe because I couldn't stand sleeping alone

I didn't realize I had lost myself
       Maybe because I was too busy taking care of us
       Maybe because I had stopped.

He called me his girlfriend
In the midst of casual conversation
I waited for the stutter
Or the correction
At least the clarification that usually follows
But he just went on
He went on to talk about simple things
I forgot all about it
Until we hung up
I instantly tried to rationalize
To say, he just misspoke
It didn't mean anything
He just was talking
But that was a lie
It meant everything
Hope was given with that word
But I know it was a mistake
I am not his girlfriend
He just misspoke

Sometimes I get this ache
In the pit of my stomach
But deeper somehow
It pulls me down to it
Like a scrunching up carpet
Folding in what I am
Getting stronger and deeper each pull
It'll reach my throat
I'll feel like I need to *****

You are a part of me
Festered in that pit deeper than my gut
The part of me only you can touch
But it pulls me night and night again
When you are not there
It pulls and I let it consume me
I just let it ****
No amount of your clothes helps
Only you wrapped around me will

That is when I know that I miss you

I'll reason love, waste love, hope love
your face promises mistakes
and when never sounds better
its not worth the fix

Fighting let me go, games let me go, your arms let me go
I tried truly to believe, to catch me falling
but time ran fast and we fell apart

laying here drowning
I find a lifeboat
I let my mind be carried
away from worry
away from doubt
all there is are the waves
the rises and falls
I lull towards serenity
I lull towards peace
this is the musics gift
and I am grateful

I've seen a wolf get kicked
He whimpers and then he is silent
But he howls in his silence

My mouth is closed
My chin is down
I have learned my lesson

But listen closely
Really tilt your ear into my chest
And you will hear a howl

A howl of the strongest resolve

I am the wolf that was stupid
I am the wolf that got kicked
I will whimper and be silent

My howl is now for me

You want to see a fight
Push me just right
You want to feel hurt
Keep treating me like dirt
Cause bite this ***** will
And my bark will also ****
Even though I may look
Like someone that can be overtook
Don't make that mistake
Or else that will be the stake
That ill stab into in your face
Then go back to running this place
Little boy if only you knew
How long your beating is overdue
Seriously step to me
Step and you'll ******* see

Let me tell you a story,
A story about a woman.
A woman who loved her job,
Her job which paid her very little.

But she loved it.

A day came though and she got fired,
She tried to stay afloat but ended up on the streets.
She begged and begged for her job back,
And got the door shut in her face.

But she picked herself up.

She started to look for new jobs,
And let the other one go.
For that door had shut in her face,
And at first it hurt like crap.

But she moved on.

Then she got offered the job back,
The job she thought she would never have again.
The job also now was going to pay her better,
So she took it.

But she had moved on.
But she had picked herself up.
But she loved it.

One day at the beach I looked up
I looked up and saw the sky
The sky was so beautiful
Beautiful enough to make me look down
Down at the people around me
Around me and around my life
My life which had lead me to the beach
The beach where I looked up
Looked up and saw the sky

It has been said before
It will be said again
In many ways
Much more creative than this
By many people
Much more intelligent than me

Things change.

I'm not taking credit for this one
It's on you
You did this

You ****** raving lunatic *****
You lost your ******* mind

You lost it and I lost you

I loved you

I love you

But you ruined it

I'm not taking credit for this one
You did this
It's on you

You ****** raving lunatic *****
You broke us

I gave up on being mad at you a long time ago

I realized it didn't do anything

I opened my eyes to the fact that you didn't care

I only spent the energy to be mad because I thought it would make you want me

I gave up on being mad at you a long time ago

I took up a new hobby

I became mad at myself

I spent so much energy and time on someone that didn't even want me

I gave up being mad at you a long time ago

There is a cut on my thumb where you have been
There is a callous on my pointer finger where you have been
There are marks all over the ground where you have been
There are swivels on my shoes where you have been
There are indents in steel poles where you have been

There are all these places in which you have been that you could measure your impact
Measure your presence
But you can't measure two places you have been
You cant measure the place you've had in my heart or the place you've had in the sky
But its the moments that you are in both in which you soar, we soar
It's the moments in both that make the difference, that matter

we didn't make a baby
i didn't have to **** a baby
but we still have a baby
because you are a baby
for you left me to be the adult, baby

while you just went merrily on your way
like children do
and ours never will
because you are a baby
who left me to be the adult, baby

bye bye baby

Just me, a paper, a pen, and all the meaning in the world
Two of those things are changeable
As for that pen and that paper
That's unchangable
I signed
I signed away everything but nothing
For it was already theirs

Do you remember love?
Do you remember the awe?
Do you remember the feeling?
Do you remember the power?
Do you remember how it felt?
Do you remember who we were?
Do you remember it all?
Do you remember it at all?

Do you remember, love?

I don't remember love.

I don't remember, love.

when you come down from your cloud, i'll be here
when you realize what you are doing, i'll be here
when you loose yourself and also find you lost me, i'll be here
when you stop running through my mind, i'll be here
when you leave me completely, i'll be here

no matter where you go or what you do i'll be here
but i will not be here for you

I've never thought maybe
I've always known no 
I've never considered 
I've always known it wasn't 
But what if this is 
I'm thinking maybe 
Which is a lot different than no
I've never thought maybe
I've always known no 

I've never thought maybe
I've always known someday yes
I've never felt it might be close
I've always just looked forward to it
But that day hasn't come
It's still maybe 
Which is a lot different than yes
I've never thought maybe 
I've always known someday yes

There is something about who you are
There is something about who it makes me
You’re exactly what I'm not
And therefore what I want to be

And since you are my opposite
I should have been able to guess
That you would not want me
As I do you and couldn't any less

You are calm cool collected
I am frantic desperate and emotional
You are quiet patient and independent
I am obnoxious anxious and irrational

You are the good to my evil
And to me that is no surprise
But then I realize I was good too
Until you came along and opened me up inside

So doesn't that make you evil
Or at least in some way bad
Because you took a beautiful life
And turned that life sad

It was not on purpose
For you could never do anything wrong
It just happened this way
And we both blindly went along

I wish I could deserve you
I wish I could be what you want
But instead I am the pathetic girl
Who went crazy while all you did was taunt

I hate you for not wanting me
And I hate myself for hating you
Its an awful circle that causes me nothing but hurt
But if it makes you happy its what I'll continue to do

Your fingers used to be just fingers, now they're my fingers
Your hands used to be just hands, now they're my hands
Your lips are still just lips, but now me and them have history
Your body is still just a body, but now I've lost track of the times I've held it close

I can reach out whenever and find you
I can tilt my head down to my skin and still smell you
I can close my eyes and start to feel you
I can let my mind wonder and be with you

You don't make me feel like loving
You make me feel like fighting

Fighting to be with you,
Fighting to keep you,
Fighting whoever tries to hurt you,
Fighting myself to not do anything stupid to loose you

But I already lost one fight
I lost the fight to not feel this way
I lost the fight with my wall to stay up
I lost the fight to not love you

So whose to say I will not lose another

"Hold me closer"
Is all that races through my mind
Besides the occasional
"No don't stop"

If thats not power I don't know what is

This silly ol’ dance
This silly ol’ dance
This silly ol’ dance that’s perfect for two
What does that mean
What does it hide
Its like I’m trying to open up a closed-shut mind
I try and I try
But all I can get
Is this image of you and me I will never forget
I see it now and its never been more clear
An image of you and me and it brings a tear
Not a tear of pain
Nor a tear of joy
More a tear of hope
And it makes me smile inside
To know that you’ll always be there
Like this picture in my mind
To lift me up when I’m down and to humble me when I’m high
For that is what best friends do
And best friends is what we are
And as I think of this image and what it represents
More come to my head and they all begin to mesh
Into the most beautiful picture I have ever seen
It’s a picture of everything to me that you mean
It’s a picture of friendship
It’s a picture of love
It’s a picture of happiness
And all of the above
Are what you mean to me
And what I hope to mean to you
For you are my best friend
And lucky for us that is a dance that is perfect for two
So I’ll step lightly and you twirl around
If piglet and pooh can do it so can me and you