Arija E

Arija E Dec 2012

I've never thought maybe
I've always known no
I've never considered
I've always known it wasn't
But what if this is
I'm thinking maybe
Which is a lot different than no
I've never thought maybe
I've always known no

I've never thought maybe
I've always known someday yes
I've never felt it might be close
I've always just looked forward to it
But that day hasn't come
It's still maybe
Which is a lot different than yes
I've never thought maybe
I've always known someday yes

Arija E Dec 2012

Love my Bad

I don't want to be perfect to someone
I want to be loved for my faults
I want someone to accept the bad because I'm worth it
Because they want me just that much
Not perfection, me

Arija E Nov 2012

The Fog

The fog is the worst.
A storm is quick.
It comes, it destroys, it leaves.

Fog stays

Fog doesn't destroy.
Fog simply hides the sun.
But there is sun.

Arija E Jun 2012

Okay with Goodbye

There are certain things that are hard to say goodbye to
There are certain things that you want to hold on to and never let go of
But there are certain things that need to be left behind

Not every story can be a book
Not every book can be a series
Not even a series can be without an ending

I know the feeling of never wanting something to end
I think everyone does, at some point

Because that's how we learn,
That's how the young become the old
And the old become the wise,
That's how we grow

It's the moments of pain that make us stronger
It's the moments of strength that make us remember
Its the memories that make us who we are

So I don't want to say goodbye but I will
Just like I will to many other things
Because of this one, those goodbyes will be easier
And all this makes me okay with goodbye

Arija E Apr 2012

I wasnt always this way

There is something about who you are
There is something about who it makes me
You’re exactly what I'm not
And therefore what I want to be

And since you are my opposite
I should have been able to guess
That you would not want me
As I do you and couldn't any less

You are calm cool collected
I am frantic desperate and emotional
You are quiet patient and independent
I am obnoxious anxious and irrational

You are the good to my evil
And to me that is no surprise
But then I realize I was good too
Until you came along and opened me up inside

So doesn't that make you evil
Or at least in some way bad
Because you took a beautiful life
And turned that life sad

It was not on purpose
For you could never do anything wrong
It just happened this way
And we both blindly went along

I wish I could deserve you
I wish I could be what you want
But instead I am the pathetic girl
Who went crazy while all you did was taunt

I hate you for not wanting me
And I hate myself for hating you
Its an awful circle that causes me nothing but hurt
But if it makes you happy its what I'll continue to do

Arija E Apr 2012

I don't feel like Loving

Your fingers used to be just fingers, now they're my fingers
Your hands used to be just hands, now they're my hands
Your lips are still just lips, but now me and them have history
Your body is still just a body, but now I've lost track of the times I've held it close

I can reach out whenever and find you
I can tilt my head down to my skin and still smell you
I can close my eyes and start to feel you
I can let my mind wonder and be with you

You don't make me feel like loving
You make me feel like fighting

Fighting to be with you,
Fighting to keep you,
Fighting whoever tries to hurt you,
Fighting myself to not do anything stupid to loose you

But I already lost one fight
I lost the fight to not feel this way
I lost the fight with my wall to stay up
I lost the fight to not love you

So whose to say I will not lose another

Arija E Apr 2012

Power Over Me

"Hold me closer"
Is all that races through my mind
Besides the occasional
"No don't stop"

If thats not power I don't know what is