"I'm feeling weak in the knees
And every day of the week
Is silent and grey
And it's always the same"
Can you relate to feeling worthless
Or like you have no soul?
Do you know what it's like in the gutter?
Just a ghost with no place to go?
I do because I've been there before
Desperation rotting at your very core
No day has any sort of meaning
Something always seems wrong
Try to numb yourself to what your feeling
Always listening to the same sad songs
When everyone turns their too good backs
You have to deal with the pain
Your future bleeds the deepest black
Caught outside in endless killing rain
You don't know how your not insane
Suffering through such a lonely existence
Fell to the wayside with not a sound
The killing rain took you without any resistance
It killed your soul and left your body where it wont be found
The killing rain made every day the same
It washed everything in silence; in grey

Into your eyes i steal a glance
floundering attempts to regain my stance
my finger tracing nothingness on your hand,
the colorful intoxication, can you withstand
heightened desires outside our reach
sloppy kisses and slurred speech
whispering and breathing as our noses brush
And all the nights magic, seems to twinkle and hush
And all the soft moonlight, seems to shine-
In your blush.

awkward  angles in your car,
tonight we didn’t seem to drive too far
foggy glass
and awkward eyes meet
shoulder checks
in your backseat
ruined new upholstery
finally you seem to be through with my harlotry
i shimmy on what i believe to be mine
the car is in gear,
we sit in silence for the duration of the ride

A black heart as cold as the oceans below
A broken heart left to wither and slow
Did I consider it? The consequence?
Of trying but failing to reach for the sky?
I don't think I ever understood the implications
Of learning the answer to the question why
When I learned the answer my lust for life was killed
My shallow sense of hopelessness was filled
Set back every time and forced to rebuild
My idealism was riddled with holes of misconception
Lies just keep coming from inexplicable directions
And I'm glaringly aware of my every imperfection
Why do I bother to struggle through my days?
Like a rat without a clue I'm lost in the maze
When I hold the map I always choose the wrong ways
And I am too old to think that this is just a phase
This is never ending; this is considered real
There is no room for happiness in what you should feel
I don't think I can live like this
I can't live with the memories of the friends I miss
I can't deal with all of my past transgressions
God doesn't love me because I don't do confessions
I'm not important so I don't get exceptions
I just sink down into the depths of depression
How many times am I expected to fight back?
When do you throw in the towel against the attack?
The attack that forms the very basis of life
A life that is filled with so much terror and strife
Every day beats me down; it's harder to get back up every time
It becomes impossible to convince myself that I'm fine
So my heart turns black like coal from the mines
As my soul finds shelter in a simple configuration of lines
Soon this will be all that's left of me
I will never live up to the person I want to be
Some might label my loss a catastrophe
Remember I told you from the beginning that I was a mess?
From the day you first saw me you knew I was depressed
And we shared and understanding that if I were to go
It would be no ones fault but my own
Please don't try to stop it now
I can't handle what this world has in store
But I promise I will be by your side forever
And you wont have to deal with me anymore
Im sorry if you are saddened by the initial shock
I love you so much and I'll miss you a lot
But the only permanent way out of this mess
The only way to stop feeling so much more less
Is to hang it up at the end of a rope
Until the end separates the pain from my ghost
Out of everyone I hope you understand the most
Because you and I were so close
I don't want to leave you but I've got to go
I can't do this again my heart is so low
Please let me make the journey in peace
A journey with a destination so incredibly sweet
A destination defined by never ending sleep
I want to die, dear, and we both know it was in the cards
We both knew my future was always marred
Don't miss me too much; I won't leave you side
I'll always be with you long after I've died
And on the day that it happens I hope you won't cry
I will be so content to forever just lie
I dont deserve anything i have any way
I dont deserve the promise of another day
I dont deserve friends and i dont deserve you
So I think that dying is the best thing to do
Killing myself will be easy
Leaving you will be harder than you know
But I'm finally beaten down and broken
I'm sorry but I've got to go

Listen to life,
Right now is your chance
To turn it around,
To find life's romance.

This is your call,
Listen to your soul;
Let yourself fall
Into what you know.

This is your time,
Wherever you are,
Whatever you've done,
Let this in your heart...

Let go of worry.
Let go of your pain.
Learn to have fun,
And dance in the rain.

Love every problem,
And just look underneath...
For hiding within
Is the answer you seek.

Your suffering ends
When you choose to live;
To let life begin,
And love All That Is.


Your future thanks you...
     You just came to life.

I asked, of a sage, to give me the way;
He gave me the answer... the right words to say...

"Treat the present moment as holy,
  and holy will be the moment's present.
Treat the ones you will meet as yourself,
  then you will learn that they're heaven sent.

Treat yourself with love and respect,
  and you will soon realize that you are true Love;
Treat your heart as the door to the soul,
  and you will soon learn that You Are from Above.

Nothing in life is an accident,
There is no chance or coincidence.

All that IS has always been,
Everything is from within.

Change the way you look at things
  to change the things you look at;
Change the way you see the light
  to change yourself into that.

You Are everything You want.
  You Are everything You need.
You Are nothing that you aren't.
  You Are everything you seek.

Choose to believe,
Choose to receive,
Choose to accept
That you are what you see.

This then, will teach you,
That You have it all;
Just let your Self reach you,
And down blessings fall.

Love yourself.
  Love one another.
Love the Now.
  And look no further."

if ever you wonder
if ever your heart should grow curious
for lust and love and spirit
electricity that splits the spine
a jolt of lightening
rushing through wide open veins
baby hairs standing on end
on the nape of your neck
a wave of cold sweat
dripping through your hair
moistens your back
if ever a moment passes
if ever you refrain from yelling loud
sing a melody
scream “i love you”
skip through a crowd of people
and smile
laugh
dance
and forget your worry
the temporary madness of yesterday
because you are static, ecstatic
you are wonderful