Once a baby,
Now no more,
Oh how wonderful were those days,
No pressure, no hurt,

Now its so hard to cope with people,
To deal with life and make new friends,
It scares me at times,
As I lurk in the darkest places at night,

I seek for life to entice me,
For friends to suffice and complete me,
But all I ever get is betrayed,
No one there stays in the end,

Once when we were kids,
I remember we'd make paper planes,
And wait for the recess bell to be heard,
So we could play together in unison,

Once when girls and boys weren't discriminated,
When we'd all sit together and talk,
Play games all the time,
And be cooperative and nice,

Once a baby,
Now no more,
Oh how wonderful were those days,
No pressure, no hurt.

When I die I know you won't miss me,
When the wind blows my soul away-
I know that even then you won't think of me,

You'll forget how I was to you,
You'll be so indulged in your life-
That you'll forget that one person who came to your life and tried to love you,

When the clock to your life stops,
When you'll be going away-
I know that even then you won't think of me,

You'll forget all my messages,
You'll forget how in love I was with you-
That you'll only demand for someone else in your afterlife,

When you breathe your last breath,
When in pain no one is around to see your struggle and hold your hand to calm you-
I know that even then you wont think of me.

Toppled by regret,
My sorrow takes me into depth
Cutting through my heart
And flowing with my blood

My soul torn in between
From needles of haters
And comments from society
Can I not live in tranquility?

Lagging behind
Considering imprudence for the sake of living
Is this life?
Is this how I would want it to be?

Queries-
They fog my mind
Making it hard to perceive
Vague and perplexed, stranded in the middle of nowhere.

I seek pleasure in Allah's blessings,
I reverently engage myself in worshipping Him,
Praying with a remorseful heart-
And scarred soul,

My eyes shed tears of sorrow,
For my sins to be forgiven,
I take the road to faith and hope-
Because I am currently lost in the midst of this world.

I cry out loud in the darkness,
Alone, I call for her to save me from this dreadful night,
To hold me in her arms and stay there till I fall peacefully into sleep,

'Oh mother! Where are you?'

I can hear my conscience scream in pain,
Horrified of the demons hiding in the shadows of objects,
And the monsters under my bed,

'I need you mother.'

Like an infant I weep,
To be heard in the other room,
But for some reason i feel so distant and unheard,

'Please come and hold me in your arms where i feel secure.'

Not a word is heard,
And just like that the storm comes,
Haunting me more and as i call out in fear,

'Mother!'

I try reaching her,
My voice echoes back,
But still no one appears,

'.'

I say no more,
Just lay back on my bed petrified,
Suddenly remembering i am no more at home, I'm all grown up!

Enveloped in an unfamiliar embrace,
In the illumination of flickering candle lights and a nightingale that repeatedly sings in the darkness,
Hushing sounds of the wind and the smell of burnt paper from a distance,
Farthest in my brain I hear hope fighting beyond the bars of a prison that my brain has blocked out completely,
Vandalized heart shatters in gloomy nights and confabulates with my conscience telling it to stabilize,
But little did it know the poignancy and the remorseful scars that have been marked on my soul,
Never ending forgiveness and isolation pierces deep holes inside and yet I survive each night in tears-
Wishing for death to take me away from this atrocious world full of barbarity and destruction,
Even the sky cries from time to time for me to be seen in peace covered in a white cloth and for me to sleep in peace.

I thought that the pain had ceased,
I thought that I was healing,
Like the scars that once marked my body,
Or the memories that once haunted me every night before I slept, they were no more,
But I guess I was wrong,
I mistook my feelings,
I was broken through and through,
I was still drenched in abyss,
My heart still ached and regretted of letting go,
Whatever song I hear,
Whatever I read,
Whatever I watch,
All it leads me to is you,
You're the root cause of all my failures and my hurt,
My soul seeks only your presence,
My comfort, my stability,
You weaken the chains in my heart that were once strong,
Now they just rust on the edge and fall apart in a millionth piece,
I thought that the pain had ceased,
I thought that I was healing,
But I guess I was wrong,
It's all melancholy that has me going on and on,
Though, hope that's kept me calm for so long.

From life I've learnt,
I've learnt how to live my dream,
To procure every chance or opportunity that comes to me,
I've learnt to face all challenges and not breakdown in the middle,

To stay strong,
To be smart and work hard,
Life has taught so much,
It has taught me how to value my time and infuse myself into it,

Life is an excursion,
A trip down to memory lane,
Oh how I recall my first step and how I coped my fear,
But if it weren't for my hard work I'd be standing nowhere near success.

Crimson and in crude form,
I lay amongst scattered bodies,
In ash and blood streams,
I drag myself away from this heart wrenching scene-
I bring myself out of this dream,
This dreadful dream, where only people lay restless,
I sequester myself from people,
I feel incomplete,
Pained and hurt,
Sore and scarred everywhere,
My heart feels weighed and lonely,
This was just a dream I had,
Though realistic and kept surreptitious for so long.

Vexed from the beginning,
Perplexed from the start,
What is it about us that's keeping the two of us apart?

I may have erred once long ago,
I myself am in guilt and shed tears in woe,
But then again, I still don't get what's keeping the two of us apart?

Maybe we're not made for each other,
Maybe we're too distant to ever fall for one another,
No, its actually you who's keeping the two of us apart,

It's you who pushes me away,
It has always been you, the egoistic and contemptuous one,
And I alone stand to keep this relationship between us united.

A strong person always excels in what he/she does rather than crying and saying, 'I feel hopeless'.

Shrouded -
I lay facing the sky,
As I see birds fly and sounds of crying people emerging in the room,
This wasn't the life I imagined to live,
This wasn't what I wanted,

All I ever asked for was love,
A companion,
A family or some kind of achievement,
But what was my life like?
Perplexed and always puzzling,

I died early,
I needed more time to spend in this world,
I needed to bring about change,
I needed to rectify my mistakes,
And more over, I needed suffice deeds to disappear my sins.

Death has enveloped me in its blanket,
Leaving me shattered from the inside,

My heart cut out from my body,
Stolen by a lover,
Hypnotized by his love-
I grieve feeling broken and in pain,
Wanting only to cut off from this world;
Disappearing, only by locking myself up in my own room,

Because, death has enveloped me in its blanket,
Leaving me shattered from the inside,

Now all I see is tears dripping down, merged by my blood,
Iron and salt mix-
As they trail down my arm,
Scars bleed,
Love unbearable,
He has left nothing to hope for!

Captivated by such grandeur,
Perpetual hypnosis, holding in amaze-
your refinery,

Soft and fragile on the inside,
Dazed, I examine your beautification,
How man has decorated you with jewels and gems, guarded by angels,

Shaped to perfection,
Your structure radiates awe,
Bound limitless it shackles my fate,

How you entice every being,
With such power you break me through,
And I fall down on my knees and pray, that someday I come to you,

Pray in your presence,
To the One who created this universe,
Hoping to die there and being a part of such Holiness.

With darkness everywhere,
And blanket of clouds,
Rain pours down slowly,
Seemingly destructing, rather enhancing the weather,
Droplets of water rest on petals,
Washing soil and settling the weather.

‘Nightmares’, you must’ve heard of them. How in our childhood we would dream about things so ghastly, so terrorizing that it’d make it impossible for us to sleep. But this one’s a totally different story. Not a déjà vu, not a hallucination. It’s true and it’s frightening.
It was last to last year that I had experienced, had it been a dream, would it be better, but it was something more realistic and more appalling that you cannot even imagine.
It was death in its worse form.
I was left clueless after I came back to my consciousness. It was something so dreadfully strange, that I had to hold onto something for support once I was brought back into this mortal world. It felt as if I was in another dimension where only death was accepted. It was amazing how they were so firm with what they were doing. I’m sure you’re thinking who it is that I am talking about?
It was seven in the morning and I was running late for school. In an institution as strict as Army Public, you’re not spared for being late for even a second, but also I had an important lecture today, so being late for that would be a crime. I hastily collected my thoughts and got up, running towards the car parked in the drive way. Baba was dropping me to school today.
All way to school I was lectured about my studies and how I needed to be punctual and a bit responsible. It was my last year and after that I’d be in college. So I really needed to work hard, which I wasn’t very fond of as the word ‘lazy’, defined my state at present.
Having entered the gate, I could see my friends with books in their hands. I was the only one without a book. I had come only with a register, two pens, a marker and two to three books. Who needed to load up so much in their bag, right?
We were about to enter our classes, but it was a group of teachers who stopped us all and diverted our route to the auditorium where two men were waiting to deliver a lecture to us. Quizzically, we were led into the hall and seated quietly.
I don’t remember listening to anything they said and then instantly we were interrupted by footsteps and 8 men in Khaaki’s who barged in. One of the superiors said something and then they started firing.
I quickly got down on my feet and with one last glimpse at their horrendous faces and the sound of my friends screaming I hid myself under some kid’s body.
They were so inhumane and their faces were so full of hate and disgust. I was so scared and I wanted to cry at that very moment, but knowing the trouble it would cause, I quietly lay on the floor, not moving as to direct any attention. It was so heart wrenching watching them shoot my friends. I wanted to go ****** their guns and aim for their heads.
Moments passed and the shooting finally stopped. But it wasn’t over yet. They started roaming in the hall to check who was alive and who wasn’t. I feigned my death, reciting a few verses of Qur’an, silently praying and miraculously, my prayers came out victorious. Allah had saved me from these monsters. I didn’t even flinch with their weight on my legs, which was very excruciating.
I heard them leave and I got up as soon as I got the chance, quickly to see who had survived. Ten of my class mates and one of my teachers stood up. I looked at our conditions and the bodies that lay restless around us. I wished for a potion or something that could bring them back to life. I know how ludicrous my thoughts may seem, but this is what I really wanted. I ran for the exit, accompanied. Stepping out into the hallway, all I could see was blood everywhere. The smell of rust and iron pinched my nose and made my eyes wet. I couldn’t bear this situation and see kids, even younger than me covered up in blood. This was ******.
Searching and having spot on a corner, there was a wooden closet where I hurriedly hid as I heard and saw a teacher from the crack of the closet, with whom I left the hall with, rush out. Her face so pale and her forehead creased. She signaled me to move away from the closet before I’d be seen. I did as I was told.
I stood inside breathlessly, for as long as I remember until my thoughts were interrupted by a mob of kids screaming that the army had fled in. I was so relieved. Allah had been listening to my prayers. I had no words, just tears stream down my cheeks in joy.
I carefully followed the noises and met with two soldiers who ordered me and a few more to leave the building. We told them about the injured kids in the auditorium and escaped.
Outside the building, I saw worried parents and crying mothers wailing for their children. I kept my emotions composed as not to cry, but the sight of my mother crying crushed me and I gradually began to cry, as well. She locked me in her embrace. It felt so fulfilling to feel her presence beside me.
What would have happened to her without me? I still think about that day.
16th December has always haunted me ever since its occurrence. I still miss my friends. But this is life. This is how we all are going to leave one by one. Maybe, just death, nothing too serious, I hope, but one can only pray for their fate and their countries safety.
Somehow, after this incident I had gained a bit of courage and I promised myself to make all these terrorists pay. I would take them down soon and eradicate their very existence. That’s what I planned, so it shall happen!

He resides within my heart,
My soul ready to succumb,
But I have sadly erred-
To an extent where I've compelled him to leave me in despair,
Stranded alone in this suicidal world,

I lost him on my doings,
My moods and my desperation,
He's gone faraway and I, space bound-
Shed tears and wait for him to come back,
Wanting to rectify my mistake and change things forever,

Told people that I moved on,
That I've forgotten the pain he's put me through,
Though embarrassed of my eagerness,
He should've known he was my drug,
My healer, my decay,

If I die a millionth each day-
It's because of his absence and his ignorance,
Going through shackles,
Pulled into abyss,
How shallow am I, wanting someone who doesn't want me?

Empty holes deepen in my heart-
needles penetrate through my valves,
and explode into streaming blood,

Being close to someone-
and then losing them is like vandalism-
or a wild storm terrorizing the sea,

Once you lose someone,
you lose a part of you that's not ready to let go,
like a baby bird without its nest,

Crying like volcano's erupting,
dying a millionth inside,
like each cell feels lifeless and stops without their presence,

'Death' you can say is worse than losing a toy or going through a break up,
It's like never having to see that person again,
Or forgetting how they look,

As time flows by,
Its becomes harder and harder to live without that someone,
Although their presence once may seem unimportant but after their death becomes vivid n' clear.

Pulled into a dark catastrophe,
Thinking as a child that how beautiful is this world,
And now growing up to see terrorism so common,

Suicide bombers run in our land,
Hide in places where no one can find them,
They **** and slaughter, heartless and more often,

Poignant is the pain scarred in people's hearts,
Already losing people close to you is so hurtful-
That it had to be for these brutes and their plans, that take away more people closer to you,

Barbarity and atrocity runs in their veins-
As they scatter the world with explosive belts,
And holding MP5's and AK-47's like they're nothing but toys,

Blood seems to accumulate the emotions in their hearts,
Which is why their souls are disturbed and cold,
Terrorizing innocent spirits and shedding blood here and there,

Liars and deceits sit on the rulers seat,
Silently signing up for their plans,
And claiming money for each death,

Countries fighting among-st each other,
Especially innocents being targeted as terrorists,
Thanks to our superiors we're nothing but worthless libel's,

Humanity has lost its charm,
The once depth and affection for kids and women,
Leaves behind only raging war, which is on its way.

Tired of justifying,
Tired of satisfying,

How denying can you be?
How cruel and viscous can you be?

I never asked for too much,
All I said was believe me,

But you don't care about me,
All you care about is what society thinks,

I've been trying too hard,
I've made efforts for you to smile and appreciate me,

But you're so cold hearted,
You're so patronizing in front of people,

You try to push me away,
I still try my best to stay rigid and love you till the end.

Contouring each cheek bone,
Defining each bump,
With exquisiteness you were made,

A color palette used to make those beautiful eyes,
With your creamy white skin,
Emerald lenses were made that incremented your beauty,

Your hair so brown,
Fall on your face,
With your tone they reflect your appearance,

Each and every part of you-
Was made with such tenderness,
You were made with such love,

The power of surgeries,
The usage of makeup,
Or any other thing cannot make you perfect,

If God has made you this way,
Maybe you're tempting and attractive this way,
So why change yourself and fiddle with His gift?

Smoking loops-
Under the moonlight she lay,
Gazing at the stars-
That shined so ever bright,

She felt lonely and pained,
Not because of love,
But because of 16 years of ongoing deprivation,
She had no one to confide in,

A friend would've been nice,
Family would've been better,
But it was just her-
And that stupid orphanage,

She had to cope with her fears,
Had to live with idiots,
People trying to harm her in ways,
Or even people who would judge her,

She tried innumerable times to commit suicide,
But there was no point,
What was she getting anyways,
No one to even shed a tear as they'd take her body away.

Grasping in my strength,
My courage seems to spark inside of me,
I need sane and peace-
a chance to be seen,
to be read,
and confided upon,

It's not me,
It's not my ego or temperament,
It's more complicated than this,
I want recalcitrant beliefs to be complete,
I want recognition-
so that people stand by my side,

I want to fight this war alone if I have to,
I don't want to see kids weep,
I don't want the needy to be unheard,
I want change-
prosperity and progression,
I want to be part of this deed,

I want not orphans to be insecure,
I don't want a petrified nation-
weak and restricted to do stuff in terms of fear,
I want to vandalize all walls of abhor-
I want to block out all these second thoughts,

If I have to stand up for my country-
fight for my land;
my soil and its blood,
I shall do so,
No one can stop me from being bold,
At least not threats as far as I'm concerned!

Let me savor each and everytime,
In this world-
That's going to destruct one day,
Vandalize each and everyone or thing important to me,
Let me savor each and everytime in it !

It's been long since I've found something to intrigue me,
It's been quite a while-
Having ups and downs,
My heart breaks and wails,
So poignant and reminiscing are those episodes,
At times I feel so low-
Fall down in my own sorrow,
And spill tears in abyss,

But now I say;
Let me savor each and everytime,
In this world-
That's going to destruct one day,
Vandalize each and everyone or thing important to me,
Let me savor each and everytime in it !

Mine handsome prince-
you cut me so deep,
the thorns on your edges sharply carve me,
your touch like petal,
your smile blooms like a rose,
oh how statuesque are you, my love,
so enticing are your looks,
Like a rose-
you bestrew  in each and every corner of my heart,
conquer the vague parts of me,
and dissolve my weakness's making them yours,
how pulchritude are you, my dear,
how striking are you,
as fresh as the fragrance of a new rose,
Your love-
oh how unconditional is it,
it drowns me in it's depth,
like a stem its *****,
stays there till its very best,
without it I may collapse,
but you my love, have always stood by my side.

Waking up forcefully,
Whining whilst eating-
with mothers lecturing,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

In the classroom-
annoying friends between lectures,
hitting paper ***** or pencil cases,
scribbling secretive things on the notepad,


After every lecture,
running down the hallway into the cafeteria,
eating continuously without thinking how much time we'd waste,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

After school,
not wanting to go home,
standing out on the gate chit chatting with friends,
same friends, same classroom but innumerable stories,

Each and every bit of the day-
passed in idiocy and fights,
with teachers complaining and a mob of students standing for their right,
Oh how beautiful were those days,

Reminiscing now how lovely and exultant were those days,
How easy was life then,
Now we're all left with just memories,
Exquisite bits and pieces that keep us from falling down.

crumpled in a corner,
slavery and savagery strikes him hard,
on his body marked
and scarred,
bruises increment linearly down his back,

whipped not once,
not twice, not thrice,
innumerable times,
his body aches and trembles in pain,
****** tears shed as he prays,

gazing in the sky,
he seeks for help,
cries for his mother,
an infant is he,
taken away by barbarity and atrocity,

'mama' he screams in pain,
'where are you?' he keeps shouting,
the murderers keep striking, keep slicing,
slowly killing each child,
causing pain and tortuously straining,

crawling towards the end of the street,
beyond the wall he lurks,
the arising pain seems to augment,
as he controls himself trying not to cause distraction,
silently sobbing for God to help,

he knows this is the last of the city,
corpse's lay in each street,
with blood streaming in drains,
burnt houses, beheaded children,
in the whole city bodies lay either restless or awaiting for their souls to be taken away.

In a new era we have been brought into,
With children holding in their hands the secrets of the world and its dark plans,

Children that were once innocent,
Upgraded with information so vast that was once out of an ordinary man's grasp,

With the help of the internet-
The cyber savagery that can now be called has ruined our society and killed its norms,

Internet the leading hypnosis-
The root of all evil has controlled children in its trance,

Gadgets being revived,
New and better electronics being devised,

Containing apps and sites that were once recalcitrant to create,
But now are easily accessible and made,

What has become of this world?
What will happen to our future?

Our children victimized in this bewitching daze,
Will only destruct the world greatly, in haste.

Under the moonlight,
He stood mesmerizing the sparkle and glow on her face-

Those beautiful eyes he saw for the first time,
Stole an eternity of charisma,

Her eyes so electric and enticing,
Opened up all the secret passages in his heart,

Under the moonlight,
He stood mesmerizing the sparkle and glow on her face-

Her eyes held so much intensity,
That they could drown anyone who would look at them,

Her gaze melted him from the inside,
And yearned for her attention,

Under the moonlight,
He stood mesmerizing the sparkle and glow on her face-

Everything feels, but doesn't feel at the same time.

Underground-
Smoked rings
And ashes of cigarette envelope the room,

Desolated-
And taking a puff
The inhalant sounds of a smoker surround,

Vacant room-
Talking to the demons
Under a faded light as soundless music plays,

Unconscious -
Champagne glasses collide
Wine and alcohol bottles cover the floor,

Heart broken-
Shattered was he from the inside
A break up was it, apparently.

Sequestered from this world,
My heart aches and baffles in pain,
I had embraced deceit once more,
Because of all the happenings in this cruel world,

At night when my pain subsides,
I feel only outlines of my scars,
These marks cover my body,
And drain pools of hatred,

My silhouette sits beside the bed,
With the lights out I once again carve more depth on my skin,
Blood drips down in vengeance,
But still you wouldn't care even if I died today,

Life has pulled me into obstacles,
Challenges too, that were so hard,
I solely conquered all my fears,
And made my daring self bold enough to face them all alone.

I, drenched in pain and agony-
Journey in lonesome nights beyond vague,
Devastated and traumatized rage-
Awaken the sane and certain side of me,
Abolished and scarred once by thee,
A long time, though lucid and full of vain,
I was once covered of forced shame,
Slightly obscure and clueless about 'we',
I restricted my thoughts to excite,
To flourish or confabulate my brain,
Gloom, an ongoing swirl of senseless might,
Growing an onset of invading gain,
Shaken abhor but literal abyss glow bright,
An inviting yet ambiguous lane.

Why copy when you can build your own personality.

I let fire burn bits of my past,
Let the flame touch each edge n corner of my assumed fate,
The texture of ash swirls with the wind,
Moving to a place that no longer exists,
For I have banished your entry in my brain,
The very thought of you disgusts me,
It was only I who ignored all your attitude,
Were it for someone else, she'd already have smacked you in the face,
It was only I who was crazy enough to say,
'It's okay we'll just be friends',
Were it for someone else she would've shoved those words on your face.

Sometimes in life you have to lose something in order to get something better.

Dripped in regret
I soak in my own sorrow
Since last month I've been seeing only flashbacks
Recalling our time together
Reminiscing how happy I once was,

You with that enticing smile
Come to me in my dreams
Exciting me and loving me
Like an angel you brighten up my mood
Yet, we're not together and I, in abyss.

It is hard to forget who you once were, who you once loved and what you wanted to become, but love stands out the rest giving hope!

Cold, windy breeze of December,
The snow blankets of January
Sharing hearts and chocolates in February
And waiting for the cold to exterminate in March
April comes along fooling and ridiculing people
And May just comes and goes in haste
June and July the ultimate breaker of heat and lethargic activities
August brings in fall, with variable petals and leaves here and there
September just like May ends in haste
Bringing spring in October
In November it dies and blows cold winds subsequently leading to December.